langelic
super sleepy ᯤ ᯅ ᯤ
- Apr 9, 2024
- 5
I've been reading on this site for a while, it makes me feel incredibly seen but this is my first time posting.
I hate the state I'm in, I'm not in a worthy enough position to be struggling. I'm very fortunate with a loving family yet I still can't find joy in life. I'm in high school right now struggling to choose a career for the future. I feel like the idea of success is so strict nowadays and I don't want to be defined by a job but I know I have to. I'm really bad at school, I try my best but my comprehension is slow and it's so difficult to understand simple things. I have so many classes I know I'll have to do and I'm trying to cram into my next year yet I just know im not capable, my parents know, my friends know, my teachers know. I go to a very academically competitive school. It sucks. If you don't take hard classes you suck basically. I don't want to take hard classes. I don't want to go to med school but I know I have to. I want to take art classes but I have to take math and sciences. I don't want to.
My brother is low functioning autistic. He just got denied SSI, the monthly income from the state. My parents said because of this I'll have to take care of him for the rest of my life when I become an adult with a stable job. I don't want my life to revolve around him. I love my brother but he doesn't love or appreciate me. My parents do everything for him. I have to be independent. Why do I have to give up my future taking care of someone who doesn't care about me?
I wasted 2 years in a toxic relationship. We finally broke up. I'm glad but he accused me of cheating. All his friends that were once my friends too hate me. He lied to me and everyone and made me look bad when he would use me for money, he would use my time, take advantage of me and i feel like I wasted those 2 years of my life on him. I'm upset I only just realized how bad things were now. His friend stalked and harassed me and he told me it was my fault, even though I don't look as good as my instagram photos. I have a loving and sweet boyfriend now, but I'm afraid that he's just love bombing because he's unusually sweet. I've never been treated this way before.
My parents always use me for their marital problems. Every time mom and dad have an issue they always go to me for advice, to cry, to complain, to scream at, even to blame. According to them, I've been the cause for every issue, because I wasn't able to shut up. I wish I could be quiet. I don't have many friends because it's scary to talk to people. A lot of people find me annoying in school too and I feel really bad.
Anyways that's just some of the stuff thats been happening recently. I'm a little glad that life has been better than when I was in middle school. Still kinda struggling with sh, taking meds, sleeping, studies, feeding lizard, been able to brush teeth and bathe recently. Never good enough though. Been considering ctb for a while again. Have attempted in the past.
I hate the state I'm in, I'm not in a worthy enough position to be struggling. I'm very fortunate with a loving family yet I still can't find joy in life. I'm in high school right now struggling to choose a career for the future. I feel like the idea of success is so strict nowadays and I don't want to be defined by a job but I know I have to. I'm really bad at school, I try my best but my comprehension is slow and it's so difficult to understand simple things. I have so many classes I know I'll have to do and I'm trying to cram into my next year yet I just know im not capable, my parents know, my friends know, my teachers know. I go to a very academically competitive school. It sucks. If you don't take hard classes you suck basically. I don't want to take hard classes. I don't want to go to med school but I know I have to. I want to take art classes but I have to take math and sciences. I don't want to.
My brother is low functioning autistic. He just got denied SSI, the monthly income from the state. My parents said because of this I'll have to take care of him for the rest of my life when I become an adult with a stable job. I don't want my life to revolve around him. I love my brother but he doesn't love or appreciate me. My parents do everything for him. I have to be independent. Why do I have to give up my future taking care of someone who doesn't care about me?
I wasted 2 years in a toxic relationship. We finally broke up. I'm glad but he accused me of cheating. All his friends that were once my friends too hate me. He lied to me and everyone and made me look bad when he would use me for money, he would use my time, take advantage of me and i feel like I wasted those 2 years of my life on him. I'm upset I only just realized how bad things were now. His friend stalked and harassed me and he told me it was my fault, even though I don't look as good as my instagram photos. I have a loving and sweet boyfriend now, but I'm afraid that he's just love bombing because he's unusually sweet. I've never been treated this way before.
My parents always use me for their marital problems. Every time mom and dad have an issue they always go to me for advice, to cry, to complain, to scream at, even to blame. According to them, I've been the cause for every issue, because I wasn't able to shut up. I wish I could be quiet. I don't have many friends because it's scary to talk to people. A lot of people find me annoying in school too and I feel really bad.
Anyways that's just some of the stuff thats been happening recently. I'm a little glad that life has been better than when I was in middle school. Still kinda struggling with sh, taking meds, sleeping, studies, feeding lizard, been able to brush teeth and bathe recently. Never good enough though. Been considering ctb for a while again. Have attempted in the past.
