Heartaches
Don't say a prayer for me now
- May 6, 2021
- 268
[Trigger warning for discussions of the aftermath of an attempt and a mention of grooming]
As the title says. Can you acquire trauma after a suicide attempt?
I had an attempt a couple of months ago. I was hospitalized for about 2 nights. I don't want to go into detail because remembering and describing my experience ignites distress.
I wouldn't say my hospitalization was terrible. I met some nice folks. Most of the nurses were very kind and caring. But everything that lead up to it and a few things that happened inside them arise strong emotional reactions.
When I was discharged, I didn't feel much in the next couple of days. In fact, I felt...normal? I went back to my daily life almost as if nothing ever happened, even though significant changes had to be made to avoid relapse. Despite what happened, I felt happy, calm. I could talk about my time inside there without an issue, recounting it from top to bottom, nothing left out. There were a few things that would make me wanna try, mostly regarding my family, but other than that, it was like a walk in the park.
It was weird because I've never read any survivors' stories that expressed anything similar.
That changed a couple of days ago. There was a night I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep because, our of nowhere, I remembered EVERYTHING that happened to me while I was hospitalized. It hit way different than before. It was distressing, painful. In that moment, I'd rather forget everything that went down.
And now, thinking about the event makes me melancholic, almost break down in tears and snuggle in my bed. It's extremely overwhelming and difficult to process. Even thinking of going to the hospital feels like I'll stay in the ER again.
These emotions are familiar and strange at the same time. Some years ago, I suffered a mental breakdown from relieving my grooming and remembering my abusers, even though the abuse had happened a couple of years ago. In that case, it was the realization of being sexually taken advantage of as a minor and processing it that was traumatic. However, in this situation, I'm not sure.
I wasn't taken advantage, but I was invalidated and mistreated in some ways. I wasn't properly taken care of by professionals in the first couple of hours. I was isolated from my mother, family members and friends for many hours, without knowing what was going on or how long I was gonna stay there. A lot of paperwork to do.
I couldn't have done it all by myself, honestly.
I was the one who asked to be saved, but I didn't know what the ramifications of my decision would entail.
So I was wondering if any survivors had a similar experience or suffered from any trauma after their attempt? Is it common?How did you process it, or are you still processing it?
[Also, to clarify, I was not admitted to a mental hospital, rather, the ER of an average hospital. So my experience might diverse from others in that aspect]
As the title says. Can you acquire trauma after a suicide attempt?
I had an attempt a couple of months ago. I was hospitalized for about 2 nights. I don't want to go into detail because remembering and describing my experience ignites distress.
I wouldn't say my hospitalization was terrible. I met some nice folks. Most of the nurses were very kind and caring. But everything that lead up to it and a few things that happened inside them arise strong emotional reactions.
When I was discharged, I didn't feel much in the next couple of days. In fact, I felt...normal? I went back to my daily life almost as if nothing ever happened, even though significant changes had to be made to avoid relapse. Despite what happened, I felt happy, calm. I could talk about my time inside there without an issue, recounting it from top to bottom, nothing left out. There were a few things that would make me wanna try, mostly regarding my family, but other than that, it was like a walk in the park.
It was weird because I've never read any survivors' stories that expressed anything similar.
That changed a couple of days ago. There was a night I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep because, our of nowhere, I remembered EVERYTHING that happened to me while I was hospitalized. It hit way different than before. It was distressing, painful. In that moment, I'd rather forget everything that went down.
And now, thinking about the event makes me melancholic, almost break down in tears and snuggle in my bed. It's extremely overwhelming and difficult to process. Even thinking of going to the hospital feels like I'll stay in the ER again.
These emotions are familiar and strange at the same time. Some years ago, I suffered a mental breakdown from relieving my grooming and remembering my abusers, even though the abuse had happened a couple of years ago. In that case, it was the realization of being sexually taken advantage of as a minor and processing it that was traumatic. However, in this situation, I'm not sure.
I wasn't taken advantage, but I was invalidated and mistreated in some ways. I wasn't properly taken care of by professionals in the first couple of hours. I was isolated from my mother, family members and friends for many hours, without knowing what was going on or how long I was gonna stay there. A lot of paperwork to do.
I couldn't have done it all by myself, honestly.
I was the one who asked to be saved, but I didn't know what the ramifications of my decision would entail.
So I was wondering if any survivors had a similar experience or suffered from any trauma after their attempt? Is it common?How did you process it, or are you still processing it?
[Also, to clarify, I was not admitted to a mental hospital, rather, the ER of an average hospital. So my experience might diverse from others in that aspect]
