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satanpixidreamgirl

satanpixidreamgirl

sleepy
Feb 28, 2024
22
I've never had a good experience with mental health professionals and finally gave up on getting help completely, from a mix of gaslighting as straight up stupid doctors, I just have given up.

When I was a teen I told a psychtrist a that my dad hit me repeatedly and she called him and he berated me on the phone in front on her for an hour he told her things like "she's an ugly piece of shit"
and what does she do? She tells me to just forgive him of course. "He won't do it again." Spoiler, this was years ago, he still does it, and after ward sometimes he says "remember what that one lady said, you need forgive me"
That's same psychward (I went there twice in one year at ages 14-15 bc I wasn't safe at home) put me on antipsychotics that made me worse and made me gain weight, my dad bullied me about it and I eventually developed an eating disorder.

After that it's a blur of jumping from place to place, I have bad memory. I remember one place straight up closing down and not telling patients.

Another place just cancelled on me for 4 months in a row causing me to lose my medication and I had a psychotic break in this period (why I think my memory is so shit). When my dad hit me in this period, I harmed him, a psychtrist actively talked me out of seeking mental help when I was jail for this, which would've helped my case (This part is vauge because it's incredibly traumatic).

Last time I was in the ward (at age 18, which was on request of my lawyer for harming my dad but it was my choice sorta) there was an older lady whom had sepsis and the medical staff neglected her for a full 48 hours and let the sepsis spread to her leg to the point it had to be cut off. I never will forget the screams and sounds of her vomiting all night, she was across the hall from me and we where forced to sleep with our doors open, we all just sat around in the smoking area bc the staff didn't really go there thinking about her, and how horrible it was. I don't thisnk she sued but I wish she would've. We only got to speak with out assigned therpist once or twice the whole visit and that made it impossible to yknow, actually get help. The staff at the wards near me are mean girls who bully patients, I had friends there who stayed longer and then me in a program where they would be able to have there phone and bring there pets as therpy animals, they would tell me the full extent after I left of how awful these women where, they watched as another staff member (one of the few sweet ones) they didn't like had a seizure and didn't intervene or call for help, I'm pretty sure that she had to go the er. Another case where my friend chiuhaua got labeled as violent for no reason. When I was there I spoke up to one of the worst ones and I got pulled aside and had my stay lengthed because she accused me of bullying a patient I never spoke to, When I tried telling the doctor in charge of my case this he ignored me, When I was talking to one of her inferiors about it she threatened her. This psychward was the most toxic and evil prison I have ever seen, the toxic work place rubbed off on the patients and to everyone except for the few staff members who where victims of it themselves (which they where absolutely powerless), nobody believed any of us.

I avoided "help" for a while after this. except for telehealth psychiatry to get meds, the lady was nice enough. Except for the fact that there's that issue alot of psychitry has,
"This med doesn't work, my anxiety is still really bad"
"Let's try doubling the dose"
"Still doesn't work"
"Let's try doubling it again, you where still on a low dose"
All while having severe chest pains, IBS from severe anxiety.
You tell them that to, yo need something for when you actually get anxious and the most you get perscribed to you is a fucking antihistamine, not even a betablocker to stop the near heart attack feeling. Yeah IK I'm supposed to put in the work, but I wake up anxious, It would be nice to have something to help.

My mom was literally to lazy to renew to our state medicaid (this sounds harsh but only she could to it because she's our document keeper and my dad and I wher constantly reminding her and she would just scream at us and say "I'll do it tomorrow") and I found out the day I had a psychtrist appointment and had to cancel. She's tried reappling but keeps getting denied and she gets really mad when we ask her to reapply. We got affordable insurance but hardly nobody accepts it so finding a psychtrist is super hard now, and my only psychtrist wouldn't accept me, she seem the lesser of evils.

During this time I experienced severe chest pains from anxiety and just said, fuck it. I have to go the er, I couldn't sleep, or eat, I was vomiting pure stomach acid, my colon was spasming from the anxiety and it hurt, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
But according to an er doctor "ERRMM Actually, you're just having a UTI, that can cause chest pain" (I couldn't get out of bed to piss so that's not surprising at all)
And I had to set there and the him that my head was racing for him to be like"you should seek therapy" like yeah I've done that, I just want my chest to stop hurting, right now, I feel like I'm going to fucking die. They finally gave me hydroxyzine after I kept complaining. I don't even want benzos, just propanol is fine, fuck.

After 8 months of no meds I finally went somewhere else, and I had both a LCSW and psychtrist. I gave the psychtrist a list of my old meds ( the was three ( a mood stablizer, an anti depressant, and an anti anti anxiety medication) I told the psychtrist
"I want to be put back on lamotrigine bc it's one of the only medications that has ever genuinely helped me, but I think I need something else for depression and anxiety" then he said " you don't want to take all those meds, I'm just going to put you on latuda instead"
I didn't realize latuda was an antipsychotic or I would've said no, they make me manic and gain weight, which I'm terrified of a weight gain because I'm afraid my eating disorder relapsing.
I asked him about something for anxiety and he said "well the mood stabilizer should level it out", It didn't. Every morning recently I wake up with awful stomach cramps and that same heart attack feeling. I don't get enough sleep because anxiety and nightmares wake me up way to early every morning but I don't sleep well so I stay in bed all day.
The LCSW pressured me into signing a treatment plant that was impossible for me to follow, she got defensive after I kept telling her "I don't want to do that, It's not possible for me" then she hits me , "you have to stop making problems where there aren't any". She wants me to enroll in a vocational school, I don't have my high school diploma yet (working on it currently) , I'm too broke, don't have reliable transportation, yet and everytime I tried saying any of this to her she would take deep annoyed sighs like I did something wrong. If It's not possible, its not possible.
But I was willing to keep trying with them. Then from the place from where the psychtrist and LCSW are, I get a $200 bill after they tell us the accept our insurance (which has only a $10 copay which is very important) . I cannot afford that monthly. So I had to cancel with them after only one appointment.

During the last month my dad hit me and I had to call the cops (ik I should live by myself but I don't have $1,000 for a one bedroom apartment, all the apparentments near me are two towns over ntm bc I live in a weird rural era) and they didn't believe me because there was only a red mark and I have pinkish skin. The cops asked me after talking to my parents "do you want to hurt yourself" and literally without thinking I said "yeah", So it's to the er, all the doctor's seemed mad at me because I kept telling them I said yes on accident, which Like, I felt hopeless, wanted to die, but I didn't fucking mean to say yes. And then I have conversations with an extremely rude therapist on a tablet. Damn I hate this lady, I knew someone else who had her as her as there primary therpist (didn't know this til afterwards) and she she just flipped her off and walked out one day, this lady fucking sucks. I noticed her being passive but she called my parents, she told me that my dad hitting me was my fault. That I was " acting out" because apparently calling the cops on an abuser is acting out, my parents sure seem to thinks so, clearly she agreed. I called her out politely repeatedly and asked her to stopping passive and she kept on doing it. This lady was just mean spirited and unprofessional. I was chewing gum because I needed to brush my teeth and she fun of me for chewing gum, that sort of thing.

After all these negative experiences, all this time holding out hope that I could finally be heard, not to mention that I have go several towns away to see any doctor because of where I live, I'm tired, I'm in so much physical and mental pain.
Just "getting help" seems impossible.
 
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KillingPain267

KillingPain267

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2024
1,476
Yeah! I can relate to most of this! And then they wonder why so many people end up on a forum like this.
 
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KillingPain267

KillingPain267

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2024
1,476
it's so frustrating! I'm sorry you had bad experiences too.
I've had better experiences recently with my normal doctor and therapist (although still useless so far), but the ER visits I did... those were downright traumatizing to the point that it was hard for me to read your post because it sounded so relatable.

I'm never going to the ER again if I know it is due to mental issues.
 
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babyharpseal

babyharpseal

Member
Jun 15, 2024
45
im sorry they sound so fucking evil. it's so unfair how u just get tortured over n over n none of these cunts who r meant to "help" do a single thing but torture u more. the world is pure fucking evil, they design everything to make ppl suffer as much as possible then block ur every attempt to escape it. it's fucking sickening, humanity is disgusting
 
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ChiseHatori

ChiseHatori

Member
Mar 2, 2023
95
A lot of my earlier experiences weren't great, some of my recent were kinda decent, but they didn't really help me. I think it all made me worse as well, but nothing as bad as this IMO. You were very much criminally mistreated and I'm so very sorry, genuinely. I hate this. It's stupidly common, especially in rural areas. There's a fair few reasons, usually funding and just a lack of good people due to the world's traumas...
 
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sancta-simplicitas

sancta-simplicitas

Arcanist
Dec 14, 2023
466
I'm truly very sorry to see how you've been treated. Sadly, I'm not the least bit surprised. The mental health services ruin lives, under the guise of "helping". Being stuck in that loop is the most hopeless and confusing place to be in. In a better world, you'd not supposed to be the one who explains to mental health professionals how to treat people, but it really seems that knowledge didn't reach them at all. It's like talking to aliens.
 
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satanpixidreamgirl

satanpixidreamgirl

sleepy
Feb 28, 2024
22
I'm truly very sorry to see how you've been treated. Sadly, I'm not the least bit surprised. The mental health services ruin lives, under the guise of "helping". Being stuck in that loop is the most hopeless and confusing place to be in. In a better world, you'd not supposed to be the one who explains to mental health professionals how to treat people, but it really seems that knowledge didn't reach them at all. It's like talking to aliens.
The worst thing about that is getting gaslit for wanting better treatment by people.
 
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Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,365
If there's a hell I hope they all end up there.
 
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T

thirdtimesthecharmg

Failed twice
Jun 16, 2024
46
I'm so sorry to hear how much you're suffering. It's not your fault and I hope you get out.
 
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KuriGohan&Kamehameha

KuriGohan&Kamehameha

想死不能 - 想活不能
Nov 23, 2020
1,744
You've been through so much, it's absolutely terrible how you've been conditioned to accept abuse from your father or take the blame for it. Due to the stigma surrounding mental suffering, it's unfortunately common to be treated like an unreliable narrator solely because of this, even if the escalated conflict was clearly provoked by your father's abusive behaviour towards you since early childhood. You deserve way better than this OP.
 
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Mäximum

Mäximum

All the effort for nothing...
Apr 5, 2023
173
I find it sad that the ones that studied for the mental health system are just so bad at their jobs. I hope it's possible to understand what I mean. How is that even possible? I guess they forgot to do their homework and pay attention in class or whatever.
 
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H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,365
I find it sad that the ones that studied for the mental health system are just so bad at their jobs. I hope it's possible to understand what I mean. How is that even possible? I guess they forgot to do their homework and pay attention in class or whatever.
It's possible because the brain is too complex.
 
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B

blackwave

Member
May 9, 2024
21
I'm very sorry what you're going through, bad treatment of people with mental problems is a real crime
 
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O

okuhvtuji

Member
Jun 17, 2024
76
I've never had a good experience with mental health professionals and finally gave up on getting help completely, from a mix of gaslighting as straight up stupid doctors, I just have given up.

When I was a teen I told a psychtrist a that my dad hit me repeatedly and she called him and he berated me on the phone in front on her for an hour he told her things like "she's an ugly piece of shit"
and what does she do? She tells me to just forgive him of course. "He won't do it again." Spoiler, this was years ago, he still does it, and after ward sometimes he says "remember what that one lady said, you need forgive me"
That's same psychward (I went there twice in one year at ages 14-15 bc I wasn't safe at home) put me on antipsychotics that made me worse and made me gain weight, my dad bullied me about it and I eventually developed an eating disorder.

After that it's a blur of jumping from place to place, I have bad memory. I remember one place straight up closing down and not telling patients.

Another place just cancelled on me for 4 months in a row causing me to lose my medication and I had a psychotic break in this period (why I think my memory is so shit). When my dad hit me in this period, I harmed him, a psychtrist actively talked me out of seeking mental help when I was jail for this, which would've helped my case (This part is vauge because it's incredibly traumatic).

Last time I was in the ward (at age 18, which was on request of my lawyer for harming my dad but it was my choice sorta) there was an older lady whom had sepsis and the medical staff neglected her for a full 48 hours and let the sepsis spread to her leg to the point it had to be cut off. I never will forget the screams and sounds of her vomiting all night, she was across the hall from me and we where forced to sleep with our doors open, we all just sat around in the smoking area bc the staff didn't really go there thinking about her, and how horrible it was. I don't thisnk she sued but I wish she would've. We only got to speak with out assigned therpist once or twice the whole visit and that made it impossible to yknow, actually get help. The staff at the wards near me are mean girls who bully patients, I had friends there who stayed longer and then me in a program where they would be able to have there phone and bring there pets as therpy animals, they would tell me the full extent after I left of how awful these women where, they watched as another staff member (one of the few sweet ones) they didn't like had a seizure and didn't intervene or call for help, I'm pretty sure that she had to go the er. Another case where my friend chiuhaua got labeled as violent for no reason. When I was there I spoke up to one of the worst ones and I got pulled aside and had my stay lengthed because she accused me of bullying a patient I never spoke to, When I tried telling the doctor in charge of my case this he ignored me, When I was talking to one of her inferiors about it she threatened her. This psychward was the most toxic and evil prison I have ever seen, the toxic work place rubbed off on the patients and to everyone except for the few staff members who where victims of it themselves (which they where absolutely powerless), nobody believed any of us.

I avoided "help" for a while after this. except for telehealth psychiatry to get meds, the lady was nice enough. Except for the fact that there's that issue alot of psychitry has,
"This med doesn't work, my anxiety is still really bad"
"Let's try doubling the dose"
"Still doesn't work"
"Let's try doubling it again, you where still on a low dose"
All while having severe chest pains, IBS from severe anxiety.
You tell them that to, yo need something for when you actually get anxious and the most you get perscribed to you is a fucking antihistamine, not even a betablocker to stop the near heart attack feeling. Yeah IK I'm supposed to put in the work, but I wake up anxious, It would be nice to have something to help.

My mom was literally to lazy to renew to our state medicaid (this sounds harsh but only she could to it because she's our document keeper and my dad and I wher constantly reminding her and she would just scream at us and say "I'll do it tomorrow") and I found out the day I had a psychtrist appointment and had to cancel. She's tried reappling but keeps getting denied and she gets really mad when we ask her to reapply. We got affordable insurance but hardly nobody accepts it so finding a psychtrist is super hard now, and my only psychtrist wouldn't accept me, she seem the lesser of evils.

During this time I experienced severe chest pains from anxiety and just said, fuck it. I have to go the er, I couldn't sleep, or eat, I was vomiting pure stomach acid, my colon was spasming from the anxiety and it hurt, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
But according to an er doctor "ERRMM Actually, you're just having a UTI, that can cause chest pain" (I couldn't get out of bed to piss so that's not surprising at all)
And I had to set there and the him that my head was racing for him to be like"you should seek therapy" like yeah I've done that, I just want my chest to stop hurting, right now, I feel like I'm going to fucking die. They finally gave me hydroxyzine after I kept complaining. I don't even want benzos, just propanol is fine, fuck.

After 8 months of no meds I finally went somewhere else, and I had both a LCSW and psychtrist. I gave the psychtrist a list of my old meds ( the was three ( a mood stablizer, an anti depressant, and an anti anti anxiety medication) I told the psychtrist
"I want to be put back on lamotrigine bc it's one of the only medications that has ever genuinely helped me, but I think I need something else for depression and anxiety" then he said " you don't want to take all those meds, I'm just going to put you on latuda instead"
I didn't realize latuda was an antipsychotic or I would've said no, they make me manic and gain weight, which I'm terrified of a weight gain because I'm afraid my eating disorder relapsing.
I asked him about something for anxiety and he said "well the mood stabilizer should level it out", It didn't. Every morning recently I wake up with awful stomach cramps and that same heart attack feeling. I don't get enough sleep because anxiety and nightmares wake me up way to early every morning but I don't sleep well so I stay in bed all day.
The LCSW pressured me into signing a treatment plant that was impossible for me to follow, she got defensive after I kept telling her "I don't want to do that, It's not possible for me" then she hits me , "you have to stop making problems where there aren't any". She wants me to enroll in a vocational school, I don't have my high school diploma yet (working on it currently) , I'm too broke, don't have reliable transportation, yet and everytime I tried saying any of this to her she would take deep annoyed sighs like I did something wrong. If It's not possible, its not possible.
But I was willing to keep trying with them. Then from the place from where the psychtrist and LCSW are, I get a $200 bill after they tell us the accept our insurance (which has only a $10 copay which is very important) . I cannot afford that monthly. So I had to cancel with them after only one appointment.

During the last month my dad hit me and I had to call the cops (ik I should live by myself but I don't have $1,000 for a one bedroom apartment, all the apparentments near me are two towns over ntm bc I live in a weird rural era) and they didn't believe me because there was only a red mark and I have pinkish skin. The cops asked me after talking to my parents "do you want to hurt yourself" and literally without thinking I said "yeah", So it's to the er, all the doctor's seemed mad at me because I kept telling them I said yes on accident, which Like, I felt hopeless, wanted to die, but I didn't fucking mean to say yes. And then I have conversations with an extremely rude therapist on a tablet. Damn I hate this lady, I knew someone else who had her as her as there primary therpist (didn't know this til afterwards) and she she just flipped her off and walked out one day, this lady fucking sucks. I noticed her being passive but she called my parents, she told me that my dad hitting me was my fault. That I was " acting out" because apparently calling the cops on an abuser is acting out, my parents sure seem to thinks so, clearly she agreed. I called her out politely repeatedly and asked her to stopping passive and she kept on doing it. This lady was just mean spirited and unprofessional. I was chewing gum because I needed to brush my teeth and she fun of me for chewing gum, that sort of thing.

After all these negative experiences, all this time holding out hope that I could finally be heard, not to mention that I have go several towns away to see any doctor because of where I live, I'm tired, I'm in so much physical and mental pain.
Just "getting help" seems impossible.
Is there any relative you can live with?
 
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babyharpseal

babyharpseal

Member
Jun 15, 2024
45
I find it sad that the ones that studied for the mental health system are just so bad at their jobs. I hope it's possible to understand what I mean. How is that even possible? I guess they forgot to do their homework and pay attention in class or whatever.
this is what they get taught in class, theyre working exactly as theyre meant to. most medical workers in general look down on patients, n get taught "these r the disease symptoms, these r the side effects of the medicine, and if they report anything different theyre overreacting/lying/a hypochondriac". and they dont get reeducated when new science emerges, so if a patient says "i read abt xyz (in a medical paper or scientific article)" the dr just treats them like an idiot who read pseudoscience. on top of this, most mental illnesses besides depression n anxiety r barely talked abt in psychology courses, like they maybe spend a week on it at best
 
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satanpixidreamgirl

satanpixidreamgirl

sleepy
Feb 28, 2024
22
this is what they get taught in class, theyre working exactly as theyre meant to. most medical workers in general look down on patients, n get taught "these r the disease symptoms, these r the side effects of the medicine, and if they report anything different theyre overreacting/lying/a hypochondriac". and they dont get reeducated when new science emerges, so if a patient says "i read abt xyz (in a medical paper or scientific article)" the dr just treats them like an idiot who read pseudoscience. on top of this, most mental illnesses besides depression n anxiety r barely talked abt in psychology courses, like they maybe spend a week on it at best
This took a while to to accept because I didn't WANT to accept it, I have other medical issues (IBS stimming from anxiety) and it took a diagnosis so long because so many doctors did not believe me.
 
wantedloser

wantedloser

Member
Jul 13, 2024
12
I've never had a good experience with mental health professionals and finally gave up on getting help completely, from a mix of gaslighting as straight up stupid doctors, I just have given up.

When I was a teen I told a psychtrist a that my dad hit me repeatedly and she called him and he berated me on the phone in front on her for an hour he told her things like "she's an ugly piece of shit"
and what does she do? She tells me to just forgive him of course. "He won't do it again." Spoiler, this was years ago, he still does it, and after ward sometimes he says "remember what that one lady said, you need forgive me"
That's same psychward (I went there twice in one year at ages 14-15 bc I wasn't safe at home) put me on antipsychotics that made me worse and made me gain weight, my dad bullied me about it and I eventually developed an eating disorder.

After that it's a blur of jumping from place to place, I have bad memory. I remember one place straight up closing down and not telling patients.

Another place just cancelled on me for 4 months in a row causing me to lose my medication and I had a psychotic break in this period (why I think my memory is so shit). When my dad hit me in this period, I harmed him, a psychtrist actively talked me out of seeking mental help when I was jail for this, which would've helped my case (This part is vauge because it's incredibly traumatic).

Last time I was in the ward (at age 18, which was on request of my lawyer for harming my dad but it was my choice sorta) there was an older lady whom had sepsis and the medical staff neglected her for a full 48 hours and let the sepsis spread to her leg to the point it had to be cut off. I never will forget the screams and sounds of her vomiting all night, she was across the hall from me and we where forced to sleep with our doors open, we all just sat around in the smoking area bc the staff didn't really go there thinking about her, and how horrible it was. I don't thisnk she sued but I wish she would've. We only got to speak with out assigned therpist once or twice the whole visit and that made it impossible to yknow, actually get help. The staff at the wards near me are mean girls who bully patients, I had friends there who stayed longer and then me in a program where they would be able to have there phone and bring there pets as therpy animals, they would tell me the full extent after I left of how awful these women where, they watched as another staff member (one of the few sweet ones) they didn't like had a seizure and didn't intervene or call for help, I'm pretty sure that she had to go the er. Another case where my friend chiuhaua got labeled as violent for no reason. When I was there I spoke up to one of the worst ones and I got pulled aside and had my stay lengthed because she accused me of bullying a patient I never spoke to, When I tried telling the doctor in charge of my case this he ignored me, When I was talking to one of her inferiors about it she threatened her. This psychward was the most toxic and evil prison I have ever seen, the toxic work place rubbed off on the patients and to everyone except for the few staff members who where victims of it themselves (which they where absolutely powerless), nobody believed any of us.

I avoided "help" for a while after this. except for telehealth psychiatry to get meds, the lady was nice enough. Except for the fact that there's that issue alot of psychitry has,
"This med doesn't work, my anxiety is still really bad"
"Let's try doubling the dose"
"Still doesn't work"
"Let's try doubling it again, you where still on a low dose"
All while having severe chest pains, IBS from severe anxiety.
You tell them that to, yo need something for when you actually get anxious and the most you get perscribed to you is a fucking antihistamine, not even a betablocker to stop the near heart attack feeling. Yeah IK I'm supposed to put in the work, but I wake up anxious, It would be nice to have something to help.

My mom was literally to lazy to renew to our state medicaid (this sounds harsh but only she could to it because she's our document keeper and my dad and I wher constantly reminding her and she would just scream at us and say "I'll do it tomorrow") and I found out the day I had a psychtrist appointment and had to cancel. She's tried reappling but keeps getting denied and she gets really mad when we ask her to reapply. We got affordable insurance but hardly nobody accepts it so finding a psychtrist is super hard now, and my only psychtrist wouldn't accept me, she seem the lesser of evils.

During this time I experienced severe chest pains from anxiety and just said, fuck it. I have to go the er, I couldn't sleep, or eat, I was vomiting pure stomach acid, my colon was spasming from the anxiety and it hurt, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
But according to an er doctor "ERRMM Actually, you're just having a UTI, that can cause chest pain" (I couldn't get out of bed to piss so that's not surprising at all)
And I had to set there and the him that my head was racing for him to be like"you should seek therapy" like yeah I've done that, I just want my chest to stop hurting, right now, I feel like I'm going to fucking die. They finally gave me hydroxyzine after I kept complaining. I don't even want benzos, just propanol is fine, fuck.

After 8 months of no meds I finally went somewhere else, and I had both a LCSW and psychtrist. I gave the psychtrist a list of my old meds ( the was three ( a mood stablizer, an anti depressant, and an anti anti anxiety medication) I told the psychtrist
"I want to be put back on lamotrigine bc it's one of the only medications that has ever genuinely helped me, but I think I need something else for depression and anxiety" then he said " you don't want to take all those meds, I'm just going to put you on latuda instead"
I didn't realize latuda was an antipsychotic or I would've said no, they make me manic and gain weight, which I'm terrified of a weight gain because I'm afraid my eating disorder relapsing.
I asked him about something for anxiety and he said "well the mood stabilizer should level it out", It didn't. Every morning recently I wake up with awful stomach cramps and that same heart attack feeling. I don't get enough sleep because anxiety and nightmares wake me up way to early every morning but I don't sleep well so I stay in bed all day.
The LCSW pressured me into signing a treatment plant that was impossible for me to follow, she got defensive after I kept telling her "I don't want to do that, It's not possible for me" then she hits me , "you have to stop making problems where there aren't any". She wants me to enroll in a vocational school, I don't have my high school diploma yet (working on it currently) , I'm too broke, don't have reliable transportation, yet and everytime I tried saying any of this to her she would take deep annoyed sighs like I did something wrong. If It's not possible, its not possible.
But I was willing to keep trying with them. Then from the place from where the psychtrist and LCSW are, I get a $200 bill after they tell us the accept our insurance (which has only a $10 copay which is very important) . I cannot afford that monthly. So I had to cancel with them after only one appointment.

During the last month my dad hit me and I had to call the cops (ik I should live by myself but I don't have $1,000 for a one bedroom apartment, all the apparentments near me are two towns over ntm bc I live in a weird rural era) and they didn't believe me because there was only a red mark and I have pinkish skin. The cops asked me after talking to my parents "do you want to hurt yourself" and literally without thinking I said "yeah", So it's to the er, all the doctor's seemed mad at me because I kept telling them I said yes on accident, which Like, I felt hopeless, wanted to die, but I didn't fucking mean to say yes. And then I have conversations with an extremely rude therapist on a tablet. Damn I hate this lady, I knew someone else who had her as her as there primary therpist (didn't know this til afterwards) and she she just flipped her off and walked out one day, this lady fucking sucks. I noticed her being passive but she called my parents, she told me that my dad hitting me was my fault. That I was " acting out" because apparently calling the cops on an abuser is acting out, my parents sure seem to thinks so, clearly she agreed. I called her out politely repeatedly and asked her to stopping passive and she kept on doing it. This lady was just mean spirited and unprofessional. I was chewing gum because I needed to brush my teeth and she fun of me for chewing gum, that sort of thing.

After all these negative experiences, all this time holding out hope that I could finally be heard, not to mention that I have go several towns away to see any doctor because of where I live, I'm tired, I'm in so much physical and mental pain.
Just "getting help" seems impossible.
You sound strong as fuck.
 
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RejectMetamorphosis

RejectMetamorphosis

get revenge
Jul 10, 2024
20
Yeah! I can relate to most of this! And then they wonder why so many people end up on a forum like this.

I've never had a good experience with mental health professionals and finally gave up on getting help completely, from a mix of gaslighting as straight up stupid doctors, I just have given up.

When I was a teen I told a psychtrist a that my dad hit me repeatedly and she called him and he berated me on the phone in front on her for an hour he told her things like "she's an ugly piece of shit"
and what does she do? She tells me to just forgive him of course. "He won't do it again." Spoiler, this was years ago, he still does it, and after ward sometimes he says "remember what that one lady said, you need forgive me"
That's same psychward (I went there twice in one year at ages 14-15 bc I wasn't safe at home) put me on antipsychotics that made me worse and made me gain weight, my dad bullied me about it and I eventually developed an eating disorder.

After that it's a blur of jumping from place to place, I have bad memory. I remember one place straight up closing down and not telling patients.

Another place just cancelled on me for 4 months in a row causing me to lose my medication and I had a psychotic break in this period (why I think my memory is so shit). When my dad hit me in this period, I harmed him, a psychtrist actively talked me out of seeking mental help when I was jail for this, which would've helped my case (This part is vauge because it's incredibly traumatic).

Last time I was in the ward (at age 18, which was on request of my lawyer for harming my dad but it was my choice sorta) there was an older lady whom had sepsis and the medical staff neglected her for a full 48 hours and let the sepsis spread to her leg to the point it had to be cut off. I never will forget the screams and sounds of her vomiting all night, she was across the hall from me and we where forced to sleep with our doors open, we all just sat around in the smoking area bc the staff didn't really go there thinking about her, and how horrible it was. I don't thisnk she sued but I wish she would've. We only got to speak with out assigned therpist once or twice the whole visit and that made it impossible to yknow, actually get help. The staff at the wards near me are mean girls who bully patients, I had friends there who stayed longer and then me in a program where they would be able to have there phone and bring there pets as therpy animals, they would tell me the full extent after I left of how awful these women where, they watched as another staff member (one of the few sweet ones) they didn't like had a seizure and didn't intervene or call for help, I'm pretty sure that she had to go the er. Another case where my friend chiuhaua got labeled as violent for no reason. When I was there I spoke up to one of the worst ones and I got pulled aside and had my stay lengthed because she accused me of bullying a patient I never spoke to, When I tried telling the doctor in charge of my case this he ignored me, When I was talking to one of her inferiors about it she threatened her. This psychward was the most toxic and evil prison I have ever seen, the toxic work place rubbed off on the patients and to everyone except for the few staff members who where victims of it themselves (which they where absolutely powerless), nobody believed any of us.

I avoided "help" for a while after this. except for telehealth psychiatry to get meds, the lady was nice enough. Except for the fact that there's that issue alot of psychitry has,
"This med doesn't work, my anxiety is still really bad"
"Let's try doubling the dose"
"Still doesn't work"
"Let's try doubling it again, you where still on a low dose"
All while having severe chest pains, IBS from severe anxiety.
You tell them that to, yo need something for when you actually get anxious and the most you get perscribed to you is a fucking antihistamine, not even a betablocker to stop the near heart attack feeling. Yeah IK I'm supposed to put in the work, but I wake up anxious, It would be nice to have something to help.

My mom was literally to lazy to renew to our state medicaid (this sounds harsh but only she could to it because she's our document keeper and my dad and I wher constantly reminding her and she would just scream at us and say "I'll do it tomorrow") and I found out the day I had a psychtrist appointment and had to cancel. She's tried reappling but keeps getting denied and she gets really mad when we ask her to reapply. We got affordable insurance but hardly nobody accepts it so finding a psychtrist is super hard now, and my only psychtrist wouldn't accept me, she seem the lesser of evils.

During this time I experienced severe chest pains from anxiety and just said, fuck it. I have to go the er, I couldn't sleep, or eat, I was vomiting pure stomach acid, my colon was spasming from the anxiety and it hurt, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
But according to an er doctor "ERRMM Actually, you're just having a UTI, that can cause chest pain" (I couldn't get out of bed to piss so that's not surprising at all)
And I had to set there and the him that my head was racing for him to be like"you should seek therapy" like yeah I've done that, I just want my chest to stop hurting, right now, I feel like I'm going to fucking die. They finally gave me hydroxyzine after I kept complaining. I don't even want benzos, just propanol is fine, fuck.

After 8 months of no meds I finally went somewhere else, and I had both a LCSW and psychtrist. I gave the psychtrist a list of my old meds ( the was three ( a mood stablizer, an anti depressant, and an anti anti anxiety medication) I told the psychtrist
"I want to be put back on lamotrigine bc it's one of the only medications that has ever genuinely helped me, but I think I need something else for depression and anxiety" then he said " you don't want to take all those meds, I'm just going to put you on latuda instead"
I didn't realize latuda was an antipsychotic or I would've said no, they make me manic and gain weight, which I'm terrified of a weight gain because I'm afraid my eating disorder relapsing.
I asked him about something for anxiety and he said "well the mood stabilizer should level it out", It didn't. Every morning recently I wake up with awful stomach cramps and that same heart attack feeling. I don't get enough sleep because anxiety and nightmares wake me up way to early every morning but I don't sleep well so I stay in bed all day.
The LCSW pressured me into signing a treatment plant that was impossible for me to follow, she got defensive after I kept telling her "I don't want to do that, It's not possible for me" then she hits me , "you have to stop making problems where there aren't any". She wants me to enroll in a vocational school, I don't have my high school diploma yet (working on it currently) , I'm too broke, don't have reliable transportation, yet and everytime I tried saying any of this to her she would take deep annoyed sighs like I did something wrong. If It's not possible, its not possible.
But I was willing to keep trying with them. Then from the place from where the psychtrist and LCSW are, I get a $200 bill after they tell us the accept our insurance (which has only a $10 copay which is very important) . I cannot afford that monthly. So I had to cancel with them after only one appointment.

During the last month my dad hit me and I had to call the cops (ik I should live by myself but I don't have $1,000 for a one bedroom apartment, all the apparentments near me are two towns over ntm bc I live in a weird rural era) and they didn't believe me because there was only a red mark and I have pinkish skin. The cops asked me after talking to my parents "do you want to hurt yourself" and literally without thinking I said "yeah", So it's to the er, all the doctor's seemed mad at me because I kept telling them I said yes on accident, which Like, I felt hopeless, wanted to die, but I didn't fucking mean to say yes. And then I have conversations with an extremely rude therapist on a tablet. Damn I hate this lady, I knew someone else who had her as her as there primary therpist (didn't know this til afterwards) and she she just flipped her off and walked out one day, this lady fucking sucks. I noticed her being passive but she called my parents, she told me that my dad hitting me was my fault. That I was " acting out" because apparently calling the cops on an abuser is acting out, my parents sure seem to thinks so, clearly she agreed. I called her out politely repeatedly and asked her to stopping passive and she kept on doing it. This lady was just mean spirited and unprofessional. I was chewing gum because I needed to brush my teeth and she fun of me for chewing gum, that sort of thing.

After all these negative experiences, all this time holding out hope that I could finally be heard, not to mention that I have go several towns away to see any doctor because of where I live, I'm tired, I'm in so much physical and mental pain.
Just "getting help" seems impossible.
Those sons of bitches always abuse patients and wonder why the suicide rates go up every year..
 
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bb3300

bb3300

Member
Jul 13, 2024
23
Yes most people in any position are apathetic and incompetent
Not willingly rude but will never go out of their way to help
even if their job is supposed to be helping you're insignificant to them
 
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let.me.let.go87

let.me.let.go87

Trying to recover now
Jul 12, 2024
267
I've been overly traumatized by the mental health industry as well. Starting when I was 12. I tried to tell them about my parents abuse and they said I was lying. I've been ties down for three weeks at a time when 18 I spent ages 16-24 in state institutions and as recently as last week my therapist accused me of playing games because I didn't feel like talking to him so I said "I'm fine". The mental health industry is completely FUCKED especially in the United States. And the United Kingdom (I know about that because I have a friend over there tied up in a section but luckily she gets her phone) I'm sick of these so called mental health professionals thinking they run who can and can't do what they want to with their own lives! My therapist for instance. A recovering alcoholic on psych meds and tryna run my life? Ruin it is a better word. He's ruined my life. For his part anyway. It was already in shambles when I went into therapy tbh but still… he's done a shit job of helping me "get better" he's in control of me but he takes psych meds and goes to AA? I mean on I've never even tasted booze but he was a stone cold drunk? I won't drink because of family history. Ijs. When does it end!?
 
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liliths

liliths

Member
Feb 18, 2023
12
i'm so sorry you've had such a difficult time with the very people who are supposed to be helping you. i can relate to your struggles, as can so many on this thread. other people have said a lot of my thoughts already so i'll just say this: the fact that you keep looking and reaching for help is incredibly brave of you, and i hope you know how strong you are. it takes a lot of courage to be in hell and take active steps to try and get out. hang in there and take care

also wanted to add: i'm not sure how old you are, but there are places in some cities that take in runaway youth (teens to early 20s) and help them become independent. i don't know if this is a possibility for you as you said you live in a rural area, but it's worth looking into.
 

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