trigeminal neuralgia and why i am at the end of my rope… again

[tiredoftryingtostay]

40/f mom & wife, suffer from trigeminal neuralgia also known as the suicide disease. it's the most horrible pain i've ever felt and i get it at random times all throughout the day, every day. i had surgery for it 3 years ago and it was better for about a year. then we hit hard times, moved in w my in laws and i fell down the stairs here, twice in 3 months; and after that… it was like i never had brain surgery.
i'm in pain mgmt but it doesn't help like i need it to and most neurologists that I've met w have been arrogant bastards. I am waiting for my neuro surgery referral but won't get that til Jan after i see pain mgmt again. allllll of this is to say that i can't take it anymore.
Living w my in-laws is a nightmare.
My hub started his own business and we're poor. Like, we would be homeless w/o his parents. Idk how we're ever going to get out of this hole and i feel so guilty thinking about him affording my funeral. He has no clue what i deal w every day. I also homeschool these kids. I get no help. No encouragement. I've had problems in the past overtaking pills bc i want to die, so he keeps my pills locked up. I don't know what to do or how to do it, i just know that life will likely never get better and after a horrific childhood, and this and all my other health problems… i feel like there's not enough love left in me. I'm broken. I'm done.

Sorry. I just needed to vent i guess. Any ideas on ending it cheaply and discreetly?

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I'm so sorry to hear about your condition. I know about trigeminal neuralgia because I was diagnosed with it myself, and it absolutely terrified me when I found out how painful it can become.

In my case sensations in my trigeminal nerve started happening during deep meditation, and over time they became stronger and stronger until it became painful. As I got used to it the pain went away, but I still feel sensations throughout my face almost constantly. I tried talking to doctors and a neurologist but they don't have a clue what's going on, they just loaded me with gabapentin. It's such an unusual condition that nobody empathizes with me. Even without pain it's still incredibly disturbing to have this big complex nerve throughout my face firing signals all day long. It's like one minute my teeth are energized, then right between my eyes, sometimes I even feel sparks in my eyelid and eyeball. One of my greatest fears is that this continues to progress and becomes painful. I'm not planning to hang around on earth much longer to find out.

For suicide methods I couldn't recomend anything specific myself, but you could check some of the most popular methods on this thread:

What’s your method?

Kinda making this to see if there's others that are pursuing methods I'm interested in. I have SN but don't feel confident in my SI and not calling for help due to the time it takes to reach unconsciousness. If anyone is doing opioids like fent or nitazenes pls dm me, as I’m seriously...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Sodium nitrite (SN) is by far the most used and discussed method these days. I'm planning to do it with a nitrogen exit bag.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, I imagine that must be really torturous, it's so horrific to me how there's all this terrible suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[J&L383]

Sodium nitrite (SN) is by far the most used and discussed method these days. I'm planning to do it with a nitrogen exit bag.

These are the two I am most comfortable with.

 

[destinationlosangel]

40/f mom & wife, suffer from trigeminal neuralgia also known as the suicide disease. it's the most horrible pain i've ever felt and i get it at random times all throughout the day, every day. i had surgery for it 3 years ago and it was better for about a year. then we hit hard times, moved in w my in laws and i fell down the stairs here, twice in 3 months; and after that… it was like i never had brain surgery.
i'm in pain mgmt but it doesn't help like i need it to and most neurologists that I've met w have been arrogant bastards. I am waiting for my neuro surgery referral but won't get that til Jan after i see pain mgmt again. allllll of this is to say that i can't take it anymore.
Living w my in-laws is a nightmare.
My hub started his own business and we're poor. Like, we would be homeless w/o his parents. Idk how we're ever going to get out of this hole and i feel so guilty thinking about him affording my funeral. He has no clue what i deal w every day. I also homeschool these kids. I get no help. No encouragement. I've had problems in the past overtaking pills bc i want to die, so he keeps my pills locked up. I don't know what to do or how to do it, i just know that life will likely never get better and after a horrific childhood, and this and all my other health problems… i feel like there's not enough love left in me. I'm broken. I'm done.

Sorry. I just needed to vent i guess. Any ideas on ending it cheaply and discreetly?

omg this is tragic. I dont have TN but i have had some symptoms of this. its a world of pain and im so sorry u have to deal with this :( have u tried any physiotherapy? i've seen some people get better that way? im assuming ur quite skinny? also try to up ur b12? im sure u have tried a lot of these things.

 

[Kta1994]

I also suffer from terrible chronic pain 24/7 and I can't wait to be out of this misery