Venting Trouble committing to my plan

[theconductor25]

So, I pretty much have everything I need to ctb, but I just can't seem to actually go through with it. I originally planned to ctb by November 4th, but that day came and went. Honestly, I wish I was religious and believed in the afterlife or reincarnation because that would make it so much easier to ctb in my opinion. The permanence of death scares me. The fact that this is the only life I'll get and that death means the complete end to this life is hard to come to terms with. There's also the fact that there are certain things in my life that I don't want to give up, even though the bad things definitely outweighs the good. Anyways, just needed to vent a little bit and curious if anyone else is going through this sort of thing too?

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Yeah me too, I planned to go on Oct 6 but changed my mind. I'm gonna try and hold out till Christmas, if nothing has changed by then ill know 100% there's no reason for me not to do it

 

[theconductor25]

Yeah me too, I planned to go on Oct 6 but changed my mind. I'm gonna try and hold out till Christmas, if nothing has changed by then ill know 100% there's no reason for me not to do it

Wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm kinda screwed if I don't do it by December 1st bc I structured these last few months as if I I'm 100% going through with it (stopped going to university classes, not saving money for rent, etc)...

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm kinda screwed if I don't do it by December 1st bc I structured these last few months as if I I'm 100% going through with it (stopped going to university classes, not saving money for rent, etc)...

thank you :) The same goes for you, I hope things get better for you, sorry that its this way

 

[maniac116]

There's no shame in sticking around!
To me, if there are any reservations then it's just not your time to go

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

Wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm kinda screwed if I don't do it by December 1st bc I structured these last few months as if I I'm 100% going through with it (stopped going to university classes, not saving money for rent, etc)...

That's why I still go by my commom routine despite being suicidal.

 

[coffeebeany]

So, I pretty much have everything I need to ctb, but I just can't seem to actually go through with it. I originally planned to ctb by November 4th, but that day came and went. Honestly, I wish I was religious and believed in the afterlife or reincarnation because that would make it so much easier to ctb in my opinion. The permanence of death scares me. The fact that this is the only life I'll get and that death means the complete end to this life is hard to come to terms with. There's also the fact that there are certain things in my life that I don't want to give up, even though the bad things definitely outweighs the good. Anyways, just needed to vent a little bit and curious if anyone else is going through this sort of thing too?

I m experiencing the same. Even your thoughts about the finality of death. It is a horrible dilemma. I have many good things in my life. My friends, partner, job. I wouldn't want it any different.
But I m in a hopeless situation. My mental health is bad. My physical health worse and can't be cured. Physical pain is getting worse every year and I know how my life will go if I stay.
But it's not a bad thing to stay for all the good reasons in your life. If you re not ready then it's not the time and that's okay. In any case, I hope things improve for you.