trying therapy again

[LostLily]

Is anyone seeing a therapist/counsellor /psychologist that they really like and truly helps them?
If so, how long and how many people did you see before you find the right one? And how did they help you in life and earn your trust to open up?

I had so far 3 counsellors in my life

My 2nd counsellor, whom I found dismissive about my feelings told me "You don't have it worse than other people". Then she talked about my case behind my back (albeit she didn't use my name)to a third party and when I told her how upset I was she brushed it off saying " depressive and anxious people tend to overreact to things". And her apology to me was "Sorry, you feel that way".

No wonder I was so guarded with my third counsellor after seeing the 2nd I saw the third for years and never told her my suicidal ideation. And we just talked about normal day-to-day struggles and it got to the point where we both agreed that our session just stalled.
My 1st counsellor was sweet and energetic but I was too broke to continue seeing her because I lost my job.

I'm afraid am already too far gone because I have a plan and I'm waiting for my SN to come in, but I want to try again. It might not be a good idea to tell them I ordered poison from the web.

 

[yowai]

I met a lot of them because I just can't make myself visit the same one more than few times lol... I think too much about what I said at therapy and if it was accurate, or don't want to just talk and talk without any real exercises, it doesn't help me. There were ones in mental hospitals which I had to talk to, a couple outside of that and now after I developed an addiction I've seen 3 of them voluntarily. One I've met at the hospital who pushed me to sign me up for rehab, but I was unstable and changed my mind once I got there, I just wanted to be free after 5 weeks inpatient, and she was mad at me when I saw her once after that cuz I apparently caused her some troubles Another one I saw 5 or 6 times, missed my appointments 3 times and decided what's the point if I don't commit fully, she was focusing too much on my past and relationship with parents anyway. Then the last one I went to was pretty okay, funny and confrontational, but on second meeting made me establish 4 goals at once and it was too much + I relapsed and haven't seen him since. If I decide to come back and get my shit together he will be the one

 

[onelastcall]

I have seen 2 psychologists. I found my second psychologist easier to talk to, maybe because we were closer in age. Also she was a trainee psychologist, maybe that's why she was less rigid and just let me talk about anything I wanted. She even asked me if I just wanted to play my guitar at the hospital if talking was too hard. Also one time I mentioned that if my parents were dead it would be easier for me to ctb and she asked me if I was planning to kill them. Idk I found that so funny. She was fun.

 

[-Link-]

No wonder I was so guarded with my third counsellor after seeing the 2nd I saw the third for years and never told her my suicidal ideation. And we just talked about normal day-to-day struggles and it got to the point where we both agreed that our session just stalled.

Ideally a patient would be willing to go as deep as possible -- far beyond the day-to-day stuff and into the inner workings and wiring of their brain. A lot of this involves the subconscious, and it's the role of the therapist to help the patient access this information.

And also as forthcoming as possible. For instance, the concealment of suicidality creates a big blind spot for the therapist in their efforts to help the patient and is a mark against the therapist's ability to grasp the severity of the situation.

It might not be a good idea to tell them I ordered poison from the web.

The whole truth is going to be your best chance at seeing progress.

But if you choose to tell them this particular detail, you will want to brace yourself for the high likelihood of being required to give it up and go inpatient for a time, at the very least for a standard 72-hour hold.

And how did they help you in life and earn your trust to open up?

A therapist needs your help in earning your trust. If you're entering a patient-therapist relationship with a default state of distrust, then you want to think about the reasons why and let those reasons be known to the therapist.

Prior bad experiences with mental healthcare practitioners is a big one, of course. But there will usually be other factors causing trust issues in general. Some possible reasons are past trauma or abuse, feeling unloved or rejected as a child, negative experiences or an absence of positives in past relationships, an insecure attachment style, or having felt disappointed, betrayed, let down, or abandoned by people who were trusted. Who knows how many other possible reasons there could be.

Another consideration is the internal factors that could be playing into this. For example, a patient with low self-esteem might feel like they're burdening the therapist by talking about their problems. Or a patient might really buy into the stigma against mental illness and feel like they should be able to "just get over it," feeling unworthy of the therapist's time. With this, they may subsequently withhold information or minimize their problems which, in turn, makes it more difficult for the therapist to help and may foster a cycle that actually deepens the distrust over time.

So, trust issues would ideally be addressed as soon as possible. Personally, I would suggest you mention it in the very first appointment and make it clear that it's been a big barrier against making meaningful progress in the past and that you want to work through this in moving forward with them.