Story Trying to get my life together one last time

[male user]

male 20 here, serious compulsive disorder with even more serious social anxiety. My social anxiety was forced on me because I got completely rejected and bullied by all my friends when I was younger for defending some other bullied kid with heart issues. Overprotective mother and alcoholic father to the point I was forced to move out of the house with my mother a couple of times back in the days, also they always liked my older sister more and they weren't afraid to show it to me (obviously neglecting it till this day despite their lack of arguments). I also had a lot of serious psychical health issues while I was younger. Spending holidays twice in a hospital, waking up in the middle of the night either for a panic attack mixed with hallucinations, or for a painful injection. Also having a cyst in my brain that made me have several other unpleasant symptoms.

And that's how I ended here, I reached my breaking point. I'm trying to get my life together one last time before commiting suicide if things won't work out. I'm on meds right now. They help a lot, still having issues though. A few days ago I created a tinder account. I never had a girlfriend before although I always wanted to fall in love. I'm not that bad looking, I take care of myself. I even got some matches and likes, but as you might be able to imagine- my social skills are very lacking and the social anxiety is still there, and it's still serious. I barely have strength in me to invite a girl for a meeting, but didn't do it yet, because I'm completely terrified if I'll even be able to talk to her through the stress and anxiety. I also don't know how long should I text with a girl before inviting her.

Thanks for anyone patient enough to read this wall of text, wish me luck, I would really want to find someone and live a normal life. Feel free to also give me some tips on anything related.