Venting ultimate betrayal: your own body

[qewpie]

when you think about betrayal you think of some person hurting you, of Jesus and Judas, of being born into a terrible life situation. no one thinks of their body failing so badly that every second is excruciating, you can't sleep, every thought of the past where you held the ultimate privilege of near-perfect health triggers a wave of despair. a disease with no cure and no research for decades.

why would I want to keep living in a body that's only a trap? how long do I have to hope and wait for time, the "ultimate healer" while I suffer unimaginably? Just to grow old or develop cancer and go through the same damn thing.

It'll be poetic to end my life now. I was there, I was finally ready to just be hedonistic and happy and queer and not think too much of our crumbling societies or failing ecosystems or having to exist in the capitalist meat grinder. Then this disease came in like an axe.

 

[Cursedfromlife]

I also have a disease that ruined my life, and I think I can imagine in part your pain, and I only can say I'm so sorry. But I think we can always do it tomorrow... I think I will wait until my disease will be unbearable maybe in 2 years but until then I want to try to achieve from life what little i can still achieve. For me can be achieve an university degree for you can be another thing, can be a last trip, a last experience, a dish you've always wanted to try.

 

[qewpie]

I also have a disease that ruined my life, and I think I can imagine in part your pain, and I only can say I'm so sorry. But I think we can always do it tomorrow... I think I will wait until my disease will be unbearable maybe in 2 years but until then I want to try to achieve from life what little i can still achieve. For me can be achieve an university degree for you can be another thing, can be a last trip, a last experience, a dish you've always wanted to try.

right now I'm just sticking around for a last birthday (I'll be 25) in 2.5 months :) I hope my body decides to feel a little better or I find some miracle experimental treatment so that I don't have to make such a final decision. but I don't want to be laying in bed any longer