D
Diane
Member
- Sep 6, 2018
- 31
I'm "Diane".
I'm so down and out out that I'm trying to die ASAP! I have a rare monster version of OCD from a head injury that someone caused years back. (They didn't do it on purpose but they were careless, but they didn't care about it or the affects it caused afterwards). I have tried all possible treatment options and nothing has helped .OCD is not always treatable. (people have even tried brain surgeries and brain implants and that even did nothing sometimes) So needless to say hospitalization would not help and would be a real hell hole for me because the urge to do my rituals are so strong that I have thoughts like I would KILL them with my bare hands to get them to leave me alone to do them and some of the stuff I do would bother others there. Other problems have come on as an indirect result of this problem and I'm extremely overwhelmed. it's hard for me to clean and such and I had always made a note to go back and clean, and right now the only thing that is keeping me functional is focusing on dying ASAP. I haven't gone into detail about the new problems that came on but I'll just stay vague for right now. I have been having to depend on family to handle my bank account and anyting that requires online access but I need to get enough Independence back ASAP to die peacefully. And I say this because I can NOT go to any inpatient or enclosed setting or be committed against my will. I fear that happening because I am so overwhelmed with all of the things that have happened here lately. Even if I was I cured, which I would NEVER be, it has taken so many years out of my life that I would never find a decent paying job even if I went through vocational rehab to try to get one. My country does NOT have anything like Dignitas (which helps people die peacefully that have uncurable or untreatable illnesses). so I'm left to my own methods. (I'm also going to mention that my family is getting older and their health is declining as well. If they die, I'm completely on my own).
Yes, I hate the person caused this, but as much as I want me or someone else to KILL them, I can't do that or let someone else do it because basically I am not capable getting a handgun with my little income ( if I shot them I would then have to get the police to shoot me) and I could only let someone else do it if they killed me too because I can't be in jail or ANY enclosed environment for vebei involved with this monster problem.
I am considering this: There is a sexual preditor in my past that I could contact. He made offers but never actually commited heavy sexual acts. But I would tell him that if he didn't kill me by shooting me in the head, I would tell my family what he did and tell them that he DID actually commit sexual acts. One family member already knows (and they do know that he made offers) but if he doesn't want me to tell the other family member ( who would KILL him) that he actually DID do an act AND tell the other one that he actually DID do it and that I didn't tell them I actually took him on his offer because I was too embarrassed about it (and that what he did has caused me severe psychological trauma through my life), he better kill me.
It would take much too long for me to save up money to buy a handgun and then probably commit suicide by cops and I am MUCH to overwhelmed to wait that long. Any advice on how to die peacefully ASAP and on the method I spoke of is much appreciated!!! Thank you all for your time and consideration
I'm so down and out out that I'm trying to die ASAP! I have a rare monster version of OCD from a head injury that someone caused years back. (They didn't do it on purpose but they were careless, but they didn't care about it or the affects it caused afterwards). I have tried all possible treatment options and nothing has helped .OCD is not always treatable. (people have even tried brain surgeries and brain implants and that even did nothing sometimes) So needless to say hospitalization would not help and would be a real hell hole for me because the urge to do my rituals are so strong that I have thoughts like I would KILL them with my bare hands to get them to leave me alone to do them and some of the stuff I do would bother others there. Other problems have come on as an indirect result of this problem and I'm extremely overwhelmed. it's hard for me to clean and such and I had always made a note to go back and clean, and right now the only thing that is keeping me functional is focusing on dying ASAP. I haven't gone into detail about the new problems that came on but I'll just stay vague for right now. I have been having to depend on family to handle my bank account and anyting that requires online access but I need to get enough Independence back ASAP to die peacefully. And I say this because I can NOT go to any inpatient or enclosed setting or be committed against my will. I fear that happening because I am so overwhelmed with all of the things that have happened here lately. Even if I was I cured, which I would NEVER be, it has taken so many years out of my life that I would never find a decent paying job even if I went through vocational rehab to try to get one. My country does NOT have anything like Dignitas (which helps people die peacefully that have uncurable or untreatable illnesses). so I'm left to my own methods. (I'm also going to mention that my family is getting older and their health is declining as well. If they die, I'm completely on my own).
Yes, I hate the person caused this, but as much as I want me or someone else to KILL them, I can't do that or let someone else do it because basically I am not capable getting a handgun with my little income ( if I shot them I would then have to get the police to shoot me) and I could only let someone else do it if they killed me too because I can't be in jail or ANY enclosed environment for vebei involved with this monster problem.
I am considering this: There is a sexual preditor in my past that I could contact. He made offers but never actually commited heavy sexual acts. But I would tell him that if he didn't kill me by shooting me in the head, I would tell my family what he did and tell them that he DID actually commit sexual acts. One family member already knows (and they do know that he made offers) but if he doesn't want me to tell the other family member ( who would KILL him) that he actually DID do an act AND tell the other one that he actually DID do it and that I didn't tell them I actually took him on his offer because I was too embarrassed about it (and that what he did has caused me severe psychological trauma through my life), he better kill me.
It would take much too long for me to save up money to buy a handgun and then probably commit suicide by cops and I am MUCH to overwhelmed to wait that long. Any advice on how to die peacefully ASAP and on the method I spoke of is much appreciated!!! Thank you all for your time and consideration