Venting Unpopular Opinion

[fuckthis]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I genuinely think this site has made me worse off in the sense that I get too connected to the people on here. When I first created an account I just wanted to enlarge a certain image on a Nitrogen Asphyxiation tutorial, but after I had lost my only friend after she had betrayed me, I found myself going on here every single day.

This website is the first thing I open up the second I wake up. Even if I'm half awake, I impulsively grab my phone and load this website up. It feels like an addiction almost. When I first came here I thought things were great, people were nice and I could finally relate to some of the people on here. But the more I use this site, the bigger my problem seems to get. I can complain about my anxiety all I want, and say how I always want too kill myself but nothing will change in the process. The reason I'm here is because I'm not doing anything to better myself, I'm not trying. I used to try, and it didn't get me very far. It's why I have this nihilistic outlook on life. It's clear I have given up, and it's sad because as some people say - I'm still young.

I banned myself from the shoutbox today. I messaged a mod to do it. That isn't because I don't like the people here, it's because I literally can't stop myself from using it. I've wasted so much time on here. I created my account on the 23rd September and I'm still here. I don't want to be here. Yes, the website is there to provide support, but isn't the main reason as to why we're here too kill ourselves? Yet most of us are still here. I'm not pointing fingers, I'm not trying to shame anyone. I would be a hypocrite if I did, but this whole thing is unhealthy. I've wasted more time complaining about my life than I have actually trying to kill myself.

I've complained about reddit before, about how everyone is pro life there and they always try to play the 'hero'. Yet this is just the opposite of reddit. When someone comes on here and they have a pro life opinion, are we not just as bad with the way we retaliate towards them? I don't care if you call me a pro lifer because of this post, I'm actually pro choice and anti natalist. It's just something I've been thinking about recently. I seem to be distancing myself from the forums gradually and it's a good thing. I want to get away from here, I've tried to partially hang myself and it didn't work out, and I honestly can't try many other methods because of the situation I'm in. So at the moment, I have no choice but to live. This is just something that has been on my mind lately.

 

[Circles]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I genuinely think this site has made me worse off in the sense that I get too connected to the people on here. When I first created an account I just wanted to enlarge a certain image on a Nitrogen Asphyxiation tutorial, but after I had lost my only friend after she had betrayed me, I found myself going on here every single day.

This website is the first thing I open up the second I wake up. Even if I'm half awake, I impulsively grab my phone and load this website up. It feels like an addiction almost. When I first came here I thought things were great, people were nice and I could finally relate to some of the people on here. But the more I use this site, the bigger my problem seems to get. I can complain about my anxiety all I want, and say how I always want too kill myself but nothing will change in the process. The reason I'm here is because I'm not doing anything to better myself, I'm not trying. I used to try, and it didn't get me very far. It's why I have this nihilistic outlook on life. It's clear I have given up, and it's sad because as some people say - I'm still young.

I banned myself from the shoutbox today. I messaged a mod to do it. That isn't because I don't like the people here, it's because I literally can't stop myself from using it. I've wasted so much time on here. I created my account on the 23rd September and I'm still here. I don't want to be here. Yes, the website is there to provide support, but isn't the main reason as to why we're here too kill ourselves? Yet most of us are still here. I'm not pointing fingers, I'm not trying to shame anyone. I would be a hypocrite if I did, but this whole thing is unhealthy. I've wasted more time complaining about my life than I have actually trying to kill myself.

I've complained about reddit before, about how everyone is pro life there and they always try to play the 'hero'. Yet this is just the opposite of reddit. When someone comes on here and they have a pro life opinion, are we not just as bad with the way we retaliate towards them? I don't care if you call me a pro lifer because of this post, I'm actually pro choice and anti natalist. It's just something I've been thinking about recently. I seem to be distancing myself from the forums gradually and it's a good thing. I want to get away from here, I've tried to partially hang myself and it didn't work out, and I honestly can't try many other methods because of the situation I'm in. So at the moment, I have no choice but to live. This is just something that has been on my mind lately.

Good for you and I agree as this site is addicting since it has it all in terms of pro-choice. I admittedly got too close as you said as a lot of us here get too connected and as always nothing lasts forever. Friends leave and now I'm reminded why I'll never have a true friend because of physical/emotional distances and the fact that it gets just too real to deal with at times. It's fucking pathetic.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I haven't commented for a while ...

I have an ambivalent attitude to this site.

For me , it's all wrapped up in ideas like :

radical acceptance

denial

cognitive dissonance

paradox / irony

What I'm trying to get at , is that - ideologically I know I would rather ctb by my own hand than linger in agony .

what that 'agony' is , and how it is defined is in the eye of the beholder .

I first suicidally ideated at 16yo ... I'm 55 now.

Back then I had no access to this sort of information or other people sharing their attitudes.

I think it makes it easier and harder .

It reinforces the state of mind and relieves the isolation slightly.

I'm pro-life for young people ... ( there , I said it ) , simply because developmental processes are still unfolding , and
suicidal ideation is a culdesac that you can 'park in ' or just visit occasionally as a part of your life outlook .

I've been parked in the suicide ideation culdesac all my life .

Finding this site was liberating because , I always wanted to find a way out .
To feel differently.
To move beyond an edifice I had spent a life time building .
One that over shadowed all my endeavors .

It is such a fine line between accepting our mortality and living , and accepting our mortality and dieing inside .

I think we can get swept away in grand existential narratives and drown in cultural / civilizational angst and forget that the minutiae of
everyday life matters and impacts on our life .
Transitioning towards a more self promoting experience of life ( comfort , nutrition , mind/body connection , awareness of our vulnerabilities . emotional management etc whatever all that can be to each individual ), takes a while.

I think we almost have to hypnotize ourselves into a new process .

Habituate a healthier process , one small change at a time .


I've been obsessing over this for a while , that's why I replied .

I have concluded that I never learned how to 'live' and combined with a shame based childhood , it left me hopeless.

I'm trying to recalibrate some basic values I think ... maybe even build them or accept them for the first time.
some really basic creaturely experiences that I always discounted as ' not important ' ( not important because it's just 'me' , - low self esteem over shadowing ),, perhaps are developing more importance .

It's taking a while .

One of the first book's that ever really impacted on me was 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' ...

Ironic, as I have not lived in accordance with it ...

I may have returned to some of it's ideas now later in life .

Quality / Qualia ... the essence of experience , how it can be choreographed , manipulated , framed ...
What our relationship is with 'being' and how we express that .
Maintenance of the basics of life .
Seeing the potential beauty in transient experience ...
And maybe some satisfying meaning .

 

[Trashcan]

This site is addicting. I think that's why so many people keep going back on here. It's so nice to have like minded people.

 

[Schopenhauer]

This site is addictive, and if you're trying to improve your life it's better to stay away. I've said it many times: we're a gloomy bunch. Most of us have no hope anymore.

I do think that pro-life people should be ostracized here. Almost everywhere else is already pro-life. You can read their shitty platitudes all over the internet. This place is a sanctuary.

 

[worldexploder]

This site is addictive, and if you're trying to improve your life it's better to stay away. I've said it many times: we're a gloomy bunch. Most of us have no hope anymore.

I do think that pro-life people should be ostracized here. Almost everywhere else is already pro-life. You can read their shitty platitudes all over the internet. This place is a sanctuary.

Pro-life people are fascist in my opinion because they don't believe in choice. The optifascist!

 

[Couchking]

I know this is an unpopular opinion here but I genuinely think this site has made me worse off in the sense that I get too connected to the people on here. When I first created an account I just wanted to enlarge a certain image on a Nitrogen Asphyxiation tutorial, but after I had lost my only friend after she had betrayed me, I found myself going on here every single day.

This website is the first thing I open up the second I wake up. Even if I'm half awake, I impulsively grab my phone and load this website up. It feels like an addiction almost. When I first came here I thought things were great, people were nice and I could finally relate to some of the people on here. But the more I use this site, the bigger my problem seems to get. I can complain about my anxiety all I want, and say how I always want too kill myself but nothing will change in the process. The reason I'm here is because I'm not doing anything to better myself, I'm not trying. I used to try, and it didn't get me very far. It's why I have this nihilistic outlook on life. It's clear I have given up, and it's sad because as some people say - I'm still young.

I banned myself from the shoutbox today. I messaged a mod to do it. That isn't because I don't like the people here, it's because I literally can't stop myself from using it. I've wasted so much time on here. I created my account on the 23rd September and I'm still here. I don't want to be here. Yes, the website is there to provide support, but isn't the main reason as to why we're here too kill ourselves? Yet most of us are still here. I'm not pointing fingers, I'm not trying to shame anyone. I would be a hypocrite if I did, but this whole thing is unhealthy. I've wasted more time complaining about my life than I have actually trying to kill myself.

I've complained about reddit before, about how everyone is pro life there and they always try to play the 'hero'. Yet this is just the opposite of reddit. When someone comes on here and they have a pro life opinion, are we not just as bad with the way we retaliate towards them? I don't care if you call me a pro lifer because of this post, I'm actually pro choice and anti natalist. It's just something I've been thinking about recently. I seem to be distancing myself from the forums gradually and it's a good thing. I want to get away from here, I've tried to partially hang myself and it didn't work out, and I honestly can't try many other methods because of the situation I'm in. So at the moment, I have no choice but to live. This is just something that has been on my mind lately.

Well, I hate you. :)
Does that help?

 

[longingforrelease]

I share many of the same complex feelings about this site. I've not been here long but have found much support, empathy, and often very practical advice on things like methods, dealing with loved ones left behind, etc. Yes, I've come across a mean-spirited troll but overwhelmingly the people here express understanding coming from a shared experience of pain and suffering. But I too find myself drawn to this site in a seemingly addicted way. At this very moment i should be preparing a lecture for tomorrow's class but here I am! In addition, I have to say that there is something of a dark cloud experience in coming here. It's a paradox. The very things I just celebrated about this site and its people are also the things that bring the possibility of my suicide into clearer focus - making it more real and perhaps even more likely. You've brought up one of the most important topics I've seen here, I think. This is a very complex environment. What we are all considering, talking openly about, even advising on, is as serious a subject as there is. As Camus put it: " There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy." What I am contemplating, now armed with more knowledge of methods, etc., is nothing less than the end of all things for me. How could a site dedicated to this purpose (ending our suffering through chosen death) be anything other than simultaneously uplifting and depressing? I'm grateful I found it, but I confess to an ambivalence about it.