Venting Unusual relationship issues

[vFhMrNsPKWqheDjnofa]

This is my first post on this forum so I thought I'd introduce myself.
I'm an 18 year old high school student from Italy, I've known this website for years but didn't think I would actually sign up one day. I'm mostly here to vent and talk about my story, seek advice and hear other people's opinions.
I've been gay for as long as I can remember but learnt to live with it, I had never been or looked for a relationship until the beginning of summer when I met someone on a dating app. At first I thought it was going to be a simple hookup but we started seeing each other more and more often and I ended up developing feelings for him. It's still unclear to me whether or not he sees me as a non-romantic sexual partner, I'm not too good at picking up clues but this is not the point.
This person is 66 years old.
Is it really okay for me to be in love with him? I think something's wrong with me. Is this the result of some kind of trauma that I'm not aware of? I've always been into older men.
I also noticed that he is constantly chatting with other young guys, I'm scared that one day he'll meet someone better and put me aside.

 

[bleepbloopbleep]

I say this with a lot of love and experience.

The fact that a guy this old set his preferences on the dating app to younger (freshly legal) men is incredibly insane and creepy.

I understand liking older people. There's a reason MILFS and DILFS are a thing. But these are only okay in the sexual sense.

When it comes to dating there is a very big problematic inequality and age gap. You will not understand or know this at a younger age, but genuinely being attracted to people that young at such an old age is weird.

When you grow up, you'll realize that even a few year difference will be a turn off for you. You are both at very different stages in life and it causes a power imbalance.

I know this is hard to hear about someone you really want to be with. But for your own safety please do try and listen. I've been there myself, it doesn't turn out well unfortunately. You don't see the imbalance until you're out of it and older. But it's there, no matter how much you convince yourself it's different because "you are more mature"

Please take care of urself <3

 

[pointblank]

There is nothing wrong with you if you're catching feelings for someone with that age. Why would you second guess yourself?

 

[vFhMrNsPKWqheDjnofa]

There is nothing wrong with you if you're catching feelings for someone with that age. Why would you second guess yourself?

Because I'm still in a stage of growth and maturation and probably don't understand much about what I've put myself into.
Is this real love or was I subconsciously manipulated? I'm still trying to figure this out.

 

[identity0]

It's not that it's wrong or that there's anything wrong with you. But it's really dangerous and your situation scares me. Statistically there's a high chance that there will be an unhealthy dynamic and he could try to take advantage of you. It's typical that with your young age and inexperience you'll get strong feelings and a strong attachment easily, that doesnt require manipulation, but he will know about this phenomenon and it gives him a lot of power. I think it is too risky and you should try to meet other people

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Jesus, and I thought the age gap in my relationship was big...

Anyway, you are 18 and still in high school, so I'd recommend being careful around him. It's one thing if this was one of those sorts of relationships that come about organically over time (such as in my case), but if he is specifically going after younger men then I'd be wary of him. He's likely targeting men way younger than him for a reason.

 

[yowai]

Nah don't develop feelings, he's just trying to have fun (in a questionable way) and a serious relationship with him won't end in anything good. If this is your first relationship ever it's normal you're already in love, you may be attracted to him because he has much more experience and he seems like someone who could guide you in those things, but he's not the person to look for support in and you should find people closer to your own age. It would be extremely easy for him to take advantage of you and break your heart right now. If he's deliberately looking for barely legal guys he's a pedo, obviously gets off on having the upper hand in a relationship and will drop you the second you get older and he finds someone who looks younger.

 

[CatLvr]

Ok, I'm a 70 year old woman and I would NEVER get on a dating site and start looking for barely legal boys. Or girls. My gut tells me what everyone else has said -- there is something fundamentally wrong with someone his age to be "cruising" for boys who know nothing of life.

It is painfully obvious that he is not as into you as you are him, otherwise he would not be chatting up other young men in front of you.

You are a lot smarter than most kids your age -- you see the manipulation even if you don't really want to. Trust yourself. You KNOW this is gonna lead to no good. You as much as said it outloud yourself.

I'm really sorry -- I hate it when someone takes advantage of someone else. If it helps any, when I was in my early 20s I entered a short relationship with a man much older than me. He was in his 50s. And it ended in a train wreck. I found out he was married. That literally saved me from making a HUGE mistake. And, of course, I was not his first affair. Probably wasn't even his last. But that was his wife's problem, not mine. Thank goodness.

 

[vFhMrNsPKWqheDjnofa]

It's not that it's wrong or that there's anything wrong with you. But it's really dangerous and your situation scares me. Statistically there's a high chance that there will be an unhealthy dynamic and he could try to take advantage of you. It's typical that with your young age and inexperience you'll get strong feelings and a strong attachment easily, that doesnt require manipulation, but he will know about this phenomenon and it gives him a lot of power. I think it is too risky and you should try to meet other people

I don't easily get along with guys my age, if I were to try and meet other people I would likely end up in a similar situation where the age gap persists, thus presenting the same exact issues.

Jesus, and I thought the age gap in my relationship was big...

Anyway, you are 18 and still in high school, so I'd recommend being careful around him. It's one thing if this was one of those sorts of relationships that come about organically over time (such as in my case), but if he is specifically going after younger men then I'd be wary of him. He's likely targeting men way younger than him for a reason.

The only reason I can come up with is plain sexual attraction.. or maybe to feel young again.

Ok, I'm a 70 year old woman and I would NEVER get on a dating site and start looking for barely legal boys. Or girls. My gut tells me what everyone else has said -- there is something fundamentally wrong with someone his age to be "cruising" for boys who know nothing of life.

It is painfully obvious that he is not as into you as you are him, otherwise he would not be chatting up other young men in front of you.

You are a lot smarter than most kids your age -- you see the manipulation even if you don't really want to. Trust yourself. You KNOW this is gonna lead to no good. You as much as said it outloud yourself.

I'm really sorry -- I hate it when someone takes advantage of someone else. If it helps any, when I was in my early 20s I entered a short relationship with a man much older than me. He was in his 50s. And it ended in a train wreck. I found out he was married. That literally saved me from making a HUGE mistake. And, of course, I was not his first affair. Probably wasn't even his last. But that was his wife's problem, not mine. Thank goodness.

I understand and agree with everything you said but I now find myself in a situation where every outcome is going to emotionally destroy me, I feel like the best solution is to enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The only reason I can come up with is plain sexual attraction.. or maybe to feel young again.

Another reason is because younger men are probably easier to manipulate and take advantage of