hoppybunny
Fearer of the Future
- Jun 26, 2024
- 199
Hello Everyone. It's been a while since my last post and i just wanted to say I'm feeling way better.
Turns out all my problems were caused by intense burnout and disillusionment with life. And now that I'm close to graduating suddenly life has meaning again.
I won't say suicide is completely off the table. It just depends on where the economy goes once i graduate and how draining my job is.
I'm not excited with all the stuff that a certain someone is doing to fuck up the economy but i don't want to give into despair again when i finally feel like living again.
Overall the change has been mostly mental. I don't think about killing myself unless all the time anymore. Now it's only when I'm super stressed. Other than that i still lay in bed all day. I just don't sleep anymore to avoid being alive. I also still binge eat all day and keep gaining weight but I'm actually thinking about stopping so that's a plus.
It almost feels like so long ago since i thought killing myself was the only option but now i have hope for a life.
Now I wouldn't say that I'm happy i didn't kill myself because i personally still think it's the better option than being alive, I'm only scared of hell which is why I'm still here. What I'm happy about is that despite the fact that i don't really value life, i can still imagine a future for myself. And I'm actually slowly working towards it.
I still have a lot of things to work on like my insane amounts of envy and cynicism and especially my self esteem and physical health but I'm slowly making steps to become an ideal version of myself.
I'd like to thank all the kind users who responded to my posts and gave me advice here. U guys allowed me to hold on longer.
Turns out all my problems were caused by intense burnout and disillusionment with life. And now that I'm close to graduating suddenly life has meaning again.
I won't say suicide is completely off the table. It just depends on where the economy goes once i graduate and how draining my job is.
I'm not excited with all the stuff that a certain someone is doing to fuck up the economy but i don't want to give into despair again when i finally feel like living again.
Overall the change has been mostly mental. I don't think about killing myself unless all the time anymore. Now it's only when I'm super stressed. Other than that i still lay in bed all day. I just don't sleep anymore to avoid being alive. I also still binge eat all day and keep gaining weight but I'm actually thinking about stopping so that's a plus.
It almost feels like so long ago since i thought killing myself was the only option but now i have hope for a life.
Now I wouldn't say that I'm happy i didn't kill myself because i personally still think it's the better option than being alive, I'm only scared of hell which is why I'm still here. What I'm happy about is that despite the fact that i don't really value life, i can still imagine a future for myself. And I'm actually slowly working towards it.
I still have a lot of things to work on like my insane amounts of envy and cynicism and especially my self esteem and physical health but I'm slowly making steps to become an ideal version of myself.
I'd like to thank all the kind users who responded to my posts and gave me advice here. U guys allowed me to hold on longer.
