Venting Vent-ish. Am I a bad person?

[LittleAngel]

Long post. I need advice.

To preface this, I am a college student with hardly any friends and a limited social life due to paranoia. Almost a year ago I became friends with a man, which is unusual as I am hesitant to trust men, nonetheless become close with them, and everything seemed pretty fine… I spoke to him a lot about my familial issues (particularly my father continuously assaulting me) and I believed our friendship would never cross any borders because we are both not each others types whatsoever, yet I fear I cannot go back to how I used to see him after something that happened the other day…

There is a secluded corner of my College that has no cameras, is sound proof, and rarely anybody has been there. I naively stayed with him in this room, stupidly showing off the weed I had brought and he kept using it until he became pretty high, whilst I kept my sobriety because I had to babysit right after… somewhere in our conversation I had mentioned that I have a dent in my chest (pectus excavatum) and he continued to imply that he'd like to feel it numerous times (despite me changing the subject) until I finally caved in and moved my boobs out of the way so he could only feel my chest bones/the dent over my shirt.

I am quite used to my body, so I saw no harm in this moment. I've had close friendships where we are comfortable to shower together, so… I naively threw out the fact that he was a man and allowed him. I immediately felt terrible afterwards. I felt disgusted because he was obviously high- despite him being high every moment of our friendship I still felt like it was my responsibility- and I felt sick to my stomach. He reassured me afterwards over iMessages yet… during our conversations following the event, he used the same tactics (continuously pestering me) whilst saying that he wondered what the dent looked like… essentially he was asking to see it. I wound up leaving him on read after his fourth time mentioning it, yet the next day, he asked again and again. He then continued to say that he wanted to/almost grabbed my tits during the initial event… I immediately shot him down. He asked what I would have done if he did… shot him down again. He asked if I seriously didn't consider the sexual implications during the entire debacle… again, i reiterated that I naively was excited to show off a birth defect and nothing more… and then he asked again what it looked like. I left him on read until he finally changed the subject.

I feel disgusted. Played. He's quite popular around campus yet he keeps secluding himself to only see me… I am not sure where to go from here. I feel as though I was in the wrong. I'm terrified of him telling other people- I'm also a virgin and this was my first experience with anything remotely sexual (even though I truly did not consider it that way)… I cherish our friendship but now he keeps asking about my sexual preferences and Im realizing that there is nothing platonic about this kind of friendship. I saw him as a brother. I don't know where to go from here. It's been four days and I've been crying non stop. Was I in the wrong for this…? Would it be wrong of me to distance myself…? This & our felon of a president is only making my suicidal thoughts worse.

 

[neurotic]

He was horny and wanted to touch it, also he was high, which might've contributed. If he's high every interaction he has with you, maybe that also has something to do with it. But it's not normal to touch someone for a dent in their chest? It's very, very odd to ask and given the place you were he was obviously just wanting to touch you. That's at least how I see it. They're not worth the stress given you're in college, so try not to think about it. It's also not normal to be on edge with people, he needs to understand your point of view. Find someone you can trust, don't let him ruin anything for your future relationships, and don't let anyone touch you while under the influence. It's not your fault, you said no, he pushed. Regardless of if he was under the influence or not. You sound like a really genuine person, it's not your fault at all. Take as much space as you need, if he's a real friend he won't mind.