so I work at a daycare as an intern, aka free babysitting for 30+ kids in the same room. just one person me vs all these troublesome rascals. I kid you not most of them are ipad kids who keep screaming and fighting and throwing toys and chairs whenever things don't go their way. (the center doesn't allow ipads and has the parents collect the ipads right before they drop their kids off). the room is a literal noisy chaos warzone and I cant get them to shut up. i try to stop them but to no avail, these kids dont ever listen. in fact every time I raise my voice my manager yells at me and says I'm being too harsh on the little kids. and then when I complain to the parents about their kids misbehaving, their parents put ME on the balme, innfact alot of parents are like this, they complain to my manager. then my manager yells at me saying I do a terrible job. I am sensitive to loud noises due to ptsd and have traumatic amnesia, but nobody there gives two fucks.
worst part this was not a job I chose it in fact it was a government assigned job for undergrads like me who can't do shit. the manager put me on government watch, to see if I can get approved to actually work at the daycare and earn actual money. but I csnt quit since the government assigned me this "job" and any other job might as well be worse. I signed up thinking I would be taking care of little angels for easy pay and promotion while their parents are away but now I get why their parents sent them here. but I need to work for more before I can actually earn money. this is actually so stressful and it's for free pay for like atleast 6 hours. my manager even says I'm not "working enough" and to actually start getting paid I need to work more. I'm just an intern smh
the manager at my daycare told me off, telling me that i cant slack off anymore bc "the mfing government is watching me" I WANT TO QUIT I WWNT TO FUCKING QUIT BUT ICANT BC THIS IS A GOVERNMENT ASSIGNED JOB
if I could get a better job, I would. I'm a self taught artist and originally wanted to make art for a living until I learned how hard it was to find opportinunites. not only it wouldn't make me much money either. my gf encouraged me to take a government job instead bc it gives more pay despite it not aligingin with my interests, I just thought it would be easy aince i know how to deal with kids and im good with them. but the real job its not easy for me at all, which I had never anticipate.
I thought I would earn some money and then work on my art career later. I cant just get an art job because I coukdnt get into art school around three years ago when my dumb ass thought I would be a museum manager since I studied history. everyone else at my old school was better at art than me, and they got into the art school. they also said my art was dumb and not professional for being self taught. my art honestly does look dumb, it's too cartoony with no realism at all, which is what art school is looking for, just plain ol traditional realism, thus why I can't get an art job. in fact one of my classmates who was in my geography class who took art had a art university offer, my teacher even favored her art over mine, and here I'm stuck with nothing. theybthink their traditional art is the standard, and any other art is terrible, bad and have no skill(I do digital).
the ppl at my high school kept humiliating me for having bad grades, no matter how hard I study I just won't remember anything, I'll always get a failing grade. (I have traumatic amneisa) they also made fun of me for drawing, bunch of nerds, but sadly here you need good grades to have a future, otherwise be stuck with shit jobs like me. in fact I later got expelled because my grades were so bad (I had around 10% in every grade except english), and my school was very studying oriented, they didn't even consider that I might be special education needs or failing to catch up. I'm just so useless I'm not ment for school and this system sucks. oh did I mention my classmates from my old school kept stalking my instagram just to humiliate me?? .
WHY CANT I GO TO COLLEGE!?WHY AMI SO FUCKING USELESS WHY IS MY ART SO SHIT WHY CANT I GET INTO ART SCHOOL OR DESIGN SCHOOL I CAN FUCKING HESR THEM WHISPERING ABOUT ME
i can hear my classmates laughing at me
i can hear my ancestors laughing at me
im such a disappointment i cant even get into vtc(vocational training)
no asso or degree let me in
wow my gf ignoring me
im so fucking useless
noone like me
the government hates me for trying my best just cuz i cant do a system im so broke i cant move out of the country
my gf still hates me
i wont have a portfolio, cant go to art school, my dreams are meaningless cuz i have no art skill. everyones better than me
I even tried another job of writing stories, but guess what? the publishing and printing press is very critical here, if your writing doesn't fit the title of the book/story, and by that I mean **every paragraph is supposed to reflect the title**, you get your book/story publicly criticised and shamed. I learned it the hard way when i tried to do a freelance writing for a random prompt in a newspaper. the printing press here is corrupt and distorts all form of free literature, all bc some publishers don't like what they're seeing in stories.
the system was created in favor of THEM. those nerds at my school. it's no wonder my friend from the same country but another city cant even get into high school, they have to go to a technical school. but me? i cant even get into any school(there are no technical schools here, and i cant move because im too broke), i cant get a second chance, not like id want to? college here is way harder than that in high school
everyone will keep yelling at me and hating on me if I stay. thereis no way out quitting life is the only option i wish it wasnt but i cant take this shit anymore. ctb or the pain will never end. I've been struggling with thoughts to ctb for years, even had few failed attempts, and when I finally try to get my life together this happen and I reminded of how I'm a failure.
I don't want to see my manager and the little devil's again but I just can't quit bc the government here is so corrupt why can't I just be a NEET??
noone outside of this website dont even know how much life is about suffering plz for the ppl out of this website dont talk to me i dont wanna see anyonr
everybody irl hates me. my parents deemed me as a failure due to my grades alone and wouldn't stop yelling at me, thankfully I'm away from them now. whats wrong with me? i was an accident from the start. i was born a failure and destined to fail. i genuinely is the truth no i cant take it anymore
i dont want to be awake and i dont want to be alive, i just dont want to breathe anymore, breathing hurts, my eyes hurt from watering, i cry too much I remember being called "weak" for crying. I might ctb soon I don't wanna go to work I don't wanna leave my room I don't even feel safe
worst part this was not a job I chose it in fact it was a government assigned job for undergrads like me who can't do shit. the manager put me on government watch, to see if I can get approved to actually work at the daycare and earn actual money. but I csnt quit since the government assigned me this "job" and any other job might as well be worse. I signed up thinking I would be taking care of little angels for easy pay and promotion while their parents are away but now I get why their parents sent them here. but I need to work for more before I can actually earn money. this is actually so stressful and it's for free pay for like atleast 6 hours. my manager even says I'm not "working enough" and to actually start getting paid I need to work more. I'm just an intern smh
the manager at my daycare told me off, telling me that i cant slack off anymore bc "the mfing government is watching me" I WANT TO QUIT I WWNT TO FUCKING QUIT BUT ICANT BC THIS IS A GOVERNMENT ASSIGNED JOB
if I could get a better job, I would. I'm a self taught artist and originally wanted to make art for a living until I learned how hard it was to find opportinunites. not only it wouldn't make me much money either. my gf encouraged me to take a government job instead bc it gives more pay despite it not aligingin with my interests, I just thought it would be easy aince i know how to deal with kids and im good with them. but the real job its not easy for me at all, which I had never anticipate.
I thought I would earn some money and then work on my art career later. I cant just get an art job because I coukdnt get into art school around three years ago when my dumb ass thought I would be a museum manager since I studied history. everyone else at my old school was better at art than me, and they got into the art school. they also said my art was dumb and not professional for being self taught. my art honestly does look dumb, it's too cartoony with no realism at all, which is what art school is looking for, just plain ol traditional realism, thus why I can't get an art job. in fact one of my classmates who was in my geography class who took art had a art university offer, my teacher even favored her art over mine, and here I'm stuck with nothing. theybthink their traditional art is the standard, and any other art is terrible, bad and have no skill(I do digital).
the ppl at my high school kept humiliating me for having bad grades, no matter how hard I study I just won't remember anything, I'll always get a failing grade. (I have traumatic amneisa) they also made fun of me for drawing, bunch of nerds, but sadly here you need good grades to have a future, otherwise be stuck with shit jobs like me. in fact I later got expelled because my grades were so bad (I had around 10% in every grade except english), and my school was very studying oriented, they didn't even consider that I might be special education needs or failing to catch up. I'm just so useless I'm not ment for school and this system sucks. oh did I mention my classmates from my old school kept stalking my instagram just to humiliate me?? .
WHY CANT I GO TO COLLEGE!?WHY AMI SO FUCKING USELESS WHY IS MY ART SO SHIT WHY CANT I GET INTO ART SCHOOL OR DESIGN SCHOOL I CAN FUCKING HESR THEM WHISPERING ABOUT ME
i can hear my classmates laughing at me
i can hear my ancestors laughing at me
im such a disappointment i cant even get into vtc(vocational training)
no asso or degree let me in
wow my gf ignoring me
im so fucking useless
noone like me
the government hates me for trying my best just cuz i cant do a system im so broke i cant move out of the country
my gf still hates me
i wont have a portfolio, cant go to art school, my dreams are meaningless cuz i have no art skill. everyones better than me
I even tried another job of writing stories, but guess what? the publishing and printing press is very critical here, if your writing doesn't fit the title of the book/story, and by that I mean **every paragraph is supposed to reflect the title**, you get your book/story publicly criticised and shamed. I learned it the hard way when i tried to do a freelance writing for a random prompt in a newspaper. the printing press here is corrupt and distorts all form of free literature, all bc some publishers don't like what they're seeing in stories.
the system was created in favor of THEM. those nerds at my school. it's no wonder my friend from the same country but another city cant even get into high school, they have to go to a technical school. but me? i cant even get into any school(there are no technical schools here, and i cant move because im too broke), i cant get a second chance, not like id want to? college here is way harder than that in high school
everyone will keep yelling at me and hating on me if I stay. thereis no way out quitting life is the only option i wish it wasnt but i cant take this shit anymore. ctb or the pain will never end. I've been struggling with thoughts to ctb for years, even had few failed attempts, and when I finally try to get my life together this happen and I reminded of how I'm a failure.
I don't want to see my manager and the little devil's again but I just can't quit bc the government here is so corrupt why can't I just be a NEET??
noone outside of this website dont even know how much life is about suffering plz for the ppl out of this website dont talk to me i dont wanna see anyonr
everybody irl hates me. my parents deemed me as a failure due to my grades alone and wouldn't stop yelling at me, thankfully I'm away from them now. whats wrong with me? i was an accident from the start. i was born a failure and destined to fail. i genuinely is the truth no i cant take it anymore
i dont want to be awake and i dont want to be alive, i just dont want to breathe anymore, breathing hurts, my eyes hurt from watering, i cry too much I remember being called "weak" for crying. I might ctb soon I don't wanna go to work I don't wanna leave my room I don't even feel safe
