venting

[owano]

my mental health has progressively gone down hill these past few months. It doesnt help this is nearing the anniversary of my sui attempt before so ive just been thinking about ctb frequently lately.
Anyway, last night i was going to sleep as my roommate was on call with a friend and it wasnt even a few minutes until i hear her talking shit about me, saying stuff like that im super annoying, look "severely autistic" (i am not as far as i know, theres not a "look" autistic people have, and lastly thats plain ableist), that she can close her eyes and be able to tell if i was in there (i shower multiple times a day, wash my sheets and am rarely in the dorms to avoid her so idk exactly what shes on about). she even sent a pic of me to her friend (dude doesnt even go to our college) so that she can make fun of my appearance. Her friend asks if i can hear and shes like "shes sleeping. wearing earbuds or something" (no). and shes all giggly going "im trying to be quiet" and "ive said worse" (idk if she means behind my back, to my face, or reasonably both lol).
shes already been bitchy to me for the entire semester but man this is just a new low. Ive known a lot of mean people but this is genuinely the worst. it just makes me feel even more worthless. i feel like nobody here cares about me and im tired of everything. i just dont wanna ctb BECAUSE of her if that makes sense. like i dont want her to think she caused it. lowkey she'd probably not care if i died or would be happy if i just went away. I dont trust any of these people and im afraid of what else she might do, like take pictures of me sleeping to make fun of me to her friend or something.

 

[lycheeginger]

i'm so sorry i hope you know that you aren't alone. i can't count the times i've heard someone talking about me like this on both hands. the remark about "looking autistic" is familiar.

please don't take it to heart, but at the same time remember that the anger and violation you're feeling is valid.

if they weren't talking about you, it would have been someone else. shallow friendships are built on mutual bitching. i'm sure her friends talk shit about her when she's not around, too.

do you think you would be able to swap rooms? when my sister was in college she had to deal with someone like this and she ended up getting her own.

 

[owano]

yea I probably could if I talked to our upperclassmen about it. I'm sure she'd be more than happy not to share a room with me so there shouldn't be any complaints from her. Just being vulnerable and talking about anything serious is a bit hard for me which is probably partially why it's gone this far since she knows I won't say shit because I haven't done so before. it's just so disorientating seeing her pretending to be sweet or whatever to other people or me sometimes knowing what she was doing just last night, able to just sleep like normal and shit like that

 

[cotton]

my mental health has progressively gone down hill these past few months. It doesnt help this is nearing the anniversary of my sui attempt before so ive just been thinking about ctb frequently lately.
Anyway, last night i was going to sleep as my roommate was on call with a friend and it wasnt even a few minutes until i hear her talking shit about me, saying stuff like that im super annoying, look "severely autistic" (i am not as far as i know, theres not a "look" autistic people have, and lastly thats plain ableist), that she can close her eyes and be able to tell if i was in there (i shower multiple times a day, wash my sheets and am rarely in the dorms to avoid her so idk exactly what shes on about). she even sent a pic of me to her friend (dude doesnt even go to our college) so that she can make fun of my appearance. Her friend asks if i can hear and shes like "shes sleeping. wearing earbuds or something" (no). and shes all giggly going "im trying to be quiet" and "ive said worse" (idk if she means behind my back, to my face, or reasonably both lol).
shes already been bitchy to me for the entire semester but man this is just a new low. Ive known a lot of mean people but this is genuinely the worst. it just makes me feel even more worthless. i feel like nobody here cares about me and im tired of everything. i just dont wanna ctb BECAUSE of her if that makes sense. like i dont want her to think she caused it. lowkey she'd probably not care if i died or would be happy if i just went away. I dont trust any of these people and im afraid of what else she might do, like take pictures of me sleeping to make fun of me to her friend or something.

I never think about my sui anniversaries :/ should I?

Just lock your door and when she talks to you talk to her like the dirty sheet laden cow she is lol

All the best x

 

[owano]

I never think about my sui anniversaries :/ should I?

Just lock your door and when she talks to you talk to her like the dirty sheet laden cow she is lol

All the best x

this time of year tends to just bad for me, maybe i have seasonal depression or something lol. but nah you don't need to think about sui anniversaries!

 

[NoPoint2Life]

this time of year tends to just bad for me, maybe i have seasonal depression or something lol. but nah you don't need to think about sui anniversaries!

First of all, I am really sorry that is happening to you.
It sounds like an awful living situation. How do you even get any sleep and manage school?

And also thank you for mentioning CTB anniversaries. I think about it! This was my first one this year and that was the day I joined Sasu.
So I handled it really well lol

 

[lycheeginger]

yea I probably could if I talked to our upperclassmen about it. I'm sure she'd be more than happy not to share a room with me so there shouldn't be any complaints from her. Just being vulnerable and talking about anything serious is a bit hard for me which is probably partially why it's gone this far since she knows I won't say shit because I haven't done so before. it's just so disorientating seeing her pretending to be sweet or whatever to other people or me sometimes knowing what she was doing just last night, able to just sleep like normal and shit like that

i feel you. there's no easy way to say "i know you're a frigid bitch and every time you try to start a conversation with me i want to deck you," lol.

you don't have to pretend, though. stonewall her. blunt answers and avoidance. if she ever asks you what's up just let her know that the walls aren't soundproof. it might sound 'petty' but it's warranted, you don't have to let her walk all over you.

i really suggest talking to your upperclassmen as soon as you can. you don't have to let them know the full extent of what you're going through, but i'm sure they'll understand that this is absolutely unacceptable.

please don't stress yourself out trying to keep up with what she's saying, even if she's painfully oblivious to the fact that you can hear her. you have bigger, more important things going on and she probably won't grasp that for another decade or so.

 

[owano]

i feel you. there's no easy way to say "i know you're a frigid bitch and every time you try to start a conversation with me i want to deck you," lol.

you don't have to pretend, though. stonewall her. blunt answers and avoidance. if she ever asks you what's up just let her know that the walls aren't soundproof. it might sound 'petty' but it's warranted, you don't have to let her walk all over you.

i really suggest talking to your upperclassmen as soon as you can. you don't have to let them know the full extent of what you're going through, but i'm sure they'll understand that this is absolutely unacceptable.

please don't stress yourself out trying to keep up with what she's saying, even if she's painfully oblivious to the fact that you can hear her. you have bigger, more important things going on and she probably won't grasp that for another decade or so.

thank you, i really appreciate it

First of all, I am really sorry that is happening to you.
It sounds like an awful living situation. How do you even get any sleep and manage school?

And also thank you for mentioning CTB anniversaries. I think about it! This was my first one this year and that was the day I joined Sasu.
So I handled it really well lol

yeah thats one thing im proud of myself for that i managed to be nice to her despite everything but it really is starting to affect me mentally now