hi! first post on here i'm a bit nervous haha.
anyways, a bit of backstory for me; i've always been super anxious, i've never really been the kind of person to put my self out there. so now, as i'm older it's such a struggle for me now. and i really regret it. i see people all the time just talking and not caring what other people thing and i am so envious. i am so jealous and it's eating me. i have no friends. i lost all my highschool friends, over i have no idea. we just stopped talking. maybe that's my fault? i don't know i just hate myself for letting them go. but also they don't try for me, so.. i have no idea honestly.
but my boyfriend has so many, i've met them all and they're so sweet and he says they're my friends too but, are they? i mean one of them are such an angel they're the best they get me. but im awful at hanging out. so i feel like its a never ending cycle of this. what do i do? like honestly how do people make friends? how do they keep them functioning?
i'm like constantly tired, i overwork myself at my job because it feels like the only place i can get a sense of belonging, which is so stupid. i have stupid ugly eyebags that don't go away even if i slept for a whole day.
i think if i ctb and sleep forever they won't go away haha.
but when my boyfriend goes out, im just so jealous. i have no one. i have nothing. just him. and it's so lonely and isolating, it's not his fault he encourages me as much as he can. i just.. can't. like idk how else to describe it. i'm horrible at keeping friends. and even then, most people my age have their "best friends" and established groups so why would they want to hang out with me? maybe i'm overthinking it but i just feel so lonely everyday i wake up.
anyways, a bit of backstory for me; i've always been super anxious, i've never really been the kind of person to put my self out there. so now, as i'm older it's such a struggle for me now. and i really regret it. i see people all the time just talking and not caring what other people thing and i am so envious. i am so jealous and it's eating me. i have no friends. i lost all my highschool friends, over i have no idea. we just stopped talking. maybe that's my fault? i don't know i just hate myself for letting them go. but also they don't try for me, so.. i have no idea honestly.
but my boyfriend has so many, i've met them all and they're so sweet and he says they're my friends too but, are they? i mean one of them are such an angel they're the best they get me. but im awful at hanging out. so i feel like its a never ending cycle of this. what do i do? like honestly how do people make friends? how do they keep them functioning?
i'm like constantly tired, i overwork myself at my job because it feels like the only place i can get a sense of belonging, which is so stupid. i have stupid ugly eyebags that don't go away even if i slept for a whole day.
i think if i ctb and sleep forever they won't go away haha.
but when my boyfriend goes out, im just so jealous. i have no one. i have nothing. just him. and it's so lonely and isolating, it's not his fault he encourages me as much as he can. i just.. can't. like idk how else to describe it. i'm horrible at keeping friends. and even then, most people my age have their "best friends" and established groups so why would they want to hang out with me? maybe i'm overthinking it but i just feel so lonely everyday i wake up.
