Venting very unloved

[heroine]

first post and I'm immediately venting, sorry about that

I wish I was able to truly lean on at least one of my friends. I'm more miserable and lonely than I've ever been before and I have the least amount of support from my friends. I make it very clear that all I want and need is love, attention, affection and praise, and yet I don't receive much. I won't say I don't receive any, but the amount is so little. in recent months I haven't had one person to go to when I'm very unstable, whenever my close friend comforts me he stops immediately and just starts ignoring me when I get very upset. he said it's because he's scared of making it worse, but it still hurts

I have tried everything in my power to make more friends, to get more affection, but none of it has worked. for as long as I can remember I've been excluded, singled out, ignored, left out of everything and I don't know what I did to deserve any of it I must've been fucking hitler in my past life or something. I'm miserable. if it adds anything I have vulnerable-type npd which is a big part of the reason I crave love and admiration so deeply (no, I'm not a bad person I lack empathy but I do my best to still love and support my friends regardless, and I'm not manipulative). I try so hard, and none of it works. it's unbearable.

I wish my friends checked in on me, but not because I want it, because they love and care about me. it just doesn't feel nearly as good if they do something for me because I said I want them to, they don't love me enough to do it on their own accord? that only applies for some things though.

I dont know what I'm supposed to do anymore. it's hopeless

 

[_Maya]

This is so unbelievably relatable, i only have a couple friends, and most of them have started to ignore me more often, and flat out don't invite me to hang out anymore. I was neglected a lot as a child and didn't get much love form my parents, so i try to rely on my friends to give me the love my parents never gave me, but of course it didn't work it out for me. There's a mega thread for making friends, i've met some nice people from there, you should check it out and maybe find some people to talk to. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/make-a-friend-megathread.164418/page-10#post-2805992
If you want, we could be friends too :)

 

[heroine]

This is so unbelievably relatable, i only have a couple friends, and most of them have started to ignore me more often, and flat out don't invite me to hang out anymore. I was neglected a lot as a child and didn't get much love form my parents, so i try to rely on my friends to give me the love my parents never gave me, but of course it didn't work it out for me. There's a mega thread for making friends, i've met some nice people from there, you should check it out and maybe find some people to talk to. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/make-a-friend-megathread.164418/page-10#post-2805992
If you want, we could be friends too :)

thank you, I'll check it out! I'm glad you can relate. I wouldn't mind being friends if that's alright with you

 

[_Maya]

thank you, I'll check it out! I'm glad you can relate. I wouldn't mind being friends if that's alright with you

send me a message or turn on messages and i'll send you my discord so we can talk.
(click my profile and click start conversation)

 

[heroine]

send me a message or turn on messages and i'll send you my discord so we can talk.
(click my profile and click start conversation)

I can't do that yet as I just made my account, but when I'm able to I will!

 

[tiredash]

you seem to want to do stuff with friends, so thats an advantage... have you tried to take the initiative instead of waiting for someone else?

even then, not everyone is compatible with each other

 

[heroine]

you seem to want to do stuff with friends, so thats an advantage... have you tried to take the initiative instead of waiting for someone else?

even then, not everyone is compatible with each other

yes, but it doesn't work out very often. most of the time it doesn't

 

[tiredash]

yes, but it doesn't work out very often. most of the time it doesn't

sadly, the only option is to keep trying... i mean, its what im doing, even tho its painful and frustrating... and my chances are even lower than yours because i dont want to do stuff with friends, which is precisely how you get close to friends :(

 

[Adûnâi]

Would online friends count, I wonder? Is there a difference between irl and online?

 

[heroine]

Would online friends count, I wonder? Is there a difference between irl and online?

all of my friends are online, I don't have irl friends

sadly, the only option is to keep trying... i mean, its what im doing, even tho its painful and frustrating... and my chances are even lower than yours because i dont want to do stuff with friends, which is precisely how you get close to friends :(

I'll keep doing that, thank you,, I hope you succeed too

 

[tiredash]

another thing you might try is putting yourself out there in internet. for example, like you did in this forum, but in other forums that might be of your interest, so that others contact you instead of you contacting others. i mean, it might sound obvious but few people do it

the bad part is that forums have been dying for years. idk why people prefer the shit social media, it offers very little contact.

 

[heroine]

another thing you might try is putting yourself out there in internet. for example, like you did in this forum, but in other forums that might be of your interest, so that others contact you instead of you contacting others. i mean, it might sound obvious but few people do it

the bad part is that forums have been dying for years. idk why people prefer the shit social media, it offers very little contact.

if it counts, i'm active on tumblr (it's still relevant, i've seen a lot of people assume tumblr is a dead land when it's not lol) and I have 260 followers but don't get much actual attention. my friends like my posts, I have like 3 popular posts and that's about it

but I'll look into other forums! thank you

 

[tiredash]

idk if you noticed but it seems that you might have private messages disabled in here

 

[heroine]

idk if you noticed but it seems that you might have private messages disabled in here

my account is very new, I can't DM anyone yet I think

 

[tiredash]

ok. honestly, idk how DM work. i once talked to a guy with only 5 messages

 

[Well_Its_Time]

keep on keeping on. Your friends will respond. Communicate and ask for what you need and want.

 

[Kibby]

I feel you, it all kinda feels pointless and difficult to keep a friendship up. You try but don't get anything back. I'm legit on here cos I lost most of my friends anyway.
And for the most part you dont get over feeling unloved as its part of human nature, you just cope until you can't no more. I relate to the whole checking up on people but they dont do the same back to you type thing too. Meh it is what it is.
honestly even thinking about friends and the like makes my heart feel torn asunder fuck this shit lmao.
I found in the end dumping pushes people away, even if you hear them out for their issues they wont rly care for your own and it is what it is I guess, relationships in all forms are transactional, but it does make me want to ctb and gtfo of this world. I have one friend left. I suppose most on this forum in general have few friends or we wouldn't be here. When you say you have low empathy I wonder if you are like me, where when a friend is dumping you sort of stare at the screen with no change in emotion but you still logically care about them and respond fast to cheer them up. Meh random musings I need sleep

 

[heroine]

keep on keeping on. Your friends will respond. Communicate and ask for what you need and want.

thank you, I already have though. it hardly works. I still don't get what I need even when begging for it, but I'll keep trying, maybe one day

When you say you have low empathy I wonder if you are like me, where when a friend is dumping you sort of stare at the screen with no change in emotion but you still logically care about them and respond fast to cheer them up.

I am exactly like that! glad you can relate. if it's what you wish for I hope you can make new friends too, being lonely is so painful

 

[Kibby]

Alright, you can dm me by clicking my profile and starting conversation if you want, would rather post my socials there, it's the same thing as the private conversation option. Or rather it's better, the private thing is just a chat box thing and both are actually private.

 

[Adûnâi]

With a danger of hijacking this thread, but anyone is free to DM me and talk about whatever and whenever. I have a few pals, but they are rather few, no offence to them.

 

[Hotsackage]

If any of you need to vent, just dm me, might not be instant, I will respond, because I have almost been through it all

 

[aerithmaze]

I understand this. Its one of my reasons. Even if new friends are made, theres a possibility of that cycle never ending- no matter how hard you try

 

[cazza82]

thank you, I already have though. it hardly works. I still don't get what I need even when begging for it, but I'll keep trying, maybe one day

I am exactly like that! glad you can relate. if it's what you wish for I hope you can make new friends too, being lonely is so painful

Feel free to message me anytime to if you need to talk about anything