I was in a state of mind in which I could only think about CTB, I couldn't do anything else. I would be watching netflix all day but with this constant though of killing myself never leaving my mind. Some days ago I have started playing a very immersive game (Fallout 4), and I can totally distract myself from the will to die. I think this kind of immersive, open-world games have the potential of really distracting people from their misery, as the immersion in the game can make you feel in a different place. Have you had any similar experiences? Have tried this distractions and failed?
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Ashpac
Lost and always will be.
- Jul 22, 2018
- 795
Everything I do is a distraction from the shit reality I live in but eventually I know where its gonna end up. Death.
I can hammer netflix all day or watch lots of football matches, it passes time i admit but I know that all roads lead to the same destination.
If video games help you, thats great :)
I can hammer netflix all day or watch lots of football matches, it passes time i admit but I know that all roads lead to the same destination.
If video games help you, thats great :)
DeathBecomesMe
Student
- Sep 9, 2018
- 143
Before tragedy struck in Feb, I would play CS for max 90 minutes a day, although I still surfed the net plenty.
After tragedy struck, I couldn't play CS as it would put me on a massive guilt trip and remind me of better times which was painful to say the least. Once I managed to settle my anxiety, I started playing PUBG, which faded within a few weeks. Have since been playing Fortnite, which I despised before the shit hit the fan, and now BFV for about 5 hours a day.
Conclusion: Games offer a solid distraction while immersed in them, and I don't feel the guilt that I would with eating or meets with buddies or anything enjoyable, because I know that gaming offers no benefits. I don't deserve benefits. But YES they are a great distraction when all a person can think about is self-deliverance. Only problem is, reality comes screaming back once you stop playing!
After tragedy struck, I couldn't play CS as it would put me on a massive guilt trip and remind me of better times which was painful to say the least. Once I managed to settle my anxiety, I started playing PUBG, which faded within a few weeks. Have since been playing Fortnite, which I despised before the shit hit the fan, and now BFV for about 5 hours a day.
Conclusion: Games offer a solid distraction while immersed in them, and I don't feel the guilt that I would with eating or meets with buddies or anything enjoyable, because I know that gaming offers no benefits. I don't deserve benefits. But YES they are a great distraction when all a person can think about is self-deliverance. Only problem is, reality comes screaming back once you stop playing!
I've been obsessing about suicide and reading this board. At some point I feel satisfied that I have a way out and so I try to read or watch a YouTube video but that fleeting satisfaction fades and I need to comeback here and find erasure myself that suicide is a real possibility. If suicide is possible and I have a suicide method that works then I'm just spending the time until I go in a pleasant way. But when I doubt I can do it then nothing I'm doing seems right and it feels like a waste of time.
DeathBecomesMe
Student
- Sep 9, 2018
- 143
Im in super agreement with what you describe, I do and feel the same.
YouTube, games, eating, the distraction is so temporary. Suicide methods seem pretty straight forward to me which gives me a sense of peace and clarity, it's just getting to that final conviction when I know I've had enough.
There's nothing wrong with spending your time as pleasantly as possible, I fully encourage you to do this. My case is unique, but everyone else deserves to pass the time as joyfully as they can. If reality isn't great, distractions are a beautiful release.
YouTube, games, eating, the distraction is so temporary. Suicide methods seem pretty straight forward to me which gives me a sense of peace and clarity, it's just getting to that final conviction when I know I've had enough.
There's nothing wrong with spending your time as pleasantly as possible, I fully encourage you to do this. My case is unique, but everyone else deserves to pass the time as joyfully as they can. If reality isn't great, distractions are a beautiful release.
Samuel
Wise
- Apr 25, 2018
- 243
Literally I smoke and play video games as much as I can. Yeah I got bored of fallout 4. :( Cannabis make s it immersive.
DeathBecomesMe
Student
- Sep 9, 2018
- 143
That's awesome Samuel! I smoked for many years straight, through tragedies as well as good times. It helped me in many ways, and in general as you know it just makes everything more enjoyable.
Unfortunately I had to stop this year when things suddenly went south. Now when I get high, the guilt and mental prison becomes crippling. I don't feel as though I deserve to get any enjoyment out of life anyway, so I guess that rules out cannabis as well. Sucks but owel!
Unfortunately I had to stop this year when things suddenly went south. Now when I get high, the guilt and mental prison becomes crippling. I don't feel as though I deserve to get any enjoyment out of life anyway, so I guess that rules out cannabis as well. Sucks but owel!
Manaaja
euROPE
- Sep 10, 2018
- 1,458
In the past, waiting for a game's release used to make me feel happier. I remember always getting excited and forgetting all my sorrows for a moment when I heard news from Diablo 3 (before it was released). I didn't want to die before I had played it. (Sadly, it wasn't worth the wait.)
Nowadays gaming doesn't make me nearly as happy as when I was a teen, but it still makes me feel better than almost anything else in the world. Video game life>real life.
Nowadays gaming doesn't make me nearly as happy as when I was a teen, but it still makes me feel better than almost anything else in the world. Video game life>real life.
Caustic Cardinals
Enlightened
- Sep 1, 2018
- 1,339
i play...... some times I try cs:go the rage is real then I just want BLOOOD!
Duqu
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
- Aug 27, 2018
- 452
I play World of Warcraft on my PC and Book of Heroes on my phone (again, if anyone wants to play BoH shoot me a PM with your email and I'll invite you because we both get rewards that way). BoH is like...MMORPG lite. No running around, no mounts, nothing like that. But quests, dugeons, raids, guilds, leveling, gear, enchanting, mogs, pvp, it's there.
