L
LittleJem
Visionary
- Jul 3, 2019
- 2,635
My boyfriend, who is really tired out by my depression for sure, was mentioning Vipassana to me - when you sit for 10 days. When I tried to do Vipassana, I couldn't sit in meditation with any equanimity. I just felt low and miserable, anxious and agitated, and actually even angry too. The teachers of Vipassana kept pulling me in, and I said to them, I don't know how to have equanimity. They didn't know what to say or how to teach it. They met it with silence ;)
My question is - or my thought is, that is it just impossible for those of us with mental illness to sit in equanimity, as our mood has no calm in it?
A second question is - how is it possible to sit with any calm or acceptance of my constant suicidal thoughts, when I feel constant misery as my mood, and also feel fear in response to my own desire to die.
I hope these questions make sense, and if anyone has any similar on the same theme, please post them too - or any meditation techniques or experiences to share. I used to feel great sometimes when I meditated, and all of that has gone for me.
My question is - or my thought is, that is it just impossible for those of us with mental illness to sit in equanimity, as our mood has no calm in it?
A second question is - how is it possible to sit with any calm or acceptance of my constant suicidal thoughts, when I feel constant misery as my mood, and also feel fear in response to my own desire to die.
I hope these questions make sense, and if anyone has any similar on the same theme, please post them too - or any meditation techniques or experiences to share. I used to feel great sometimes when I meditated, and all of that has gone for me.