Want to CTB need help in Turkey

[wanttoctbnow]

Hello all,

I am new to this forum as a registered member but have been a lurker for many years.

My decision to become a member and post is motivated by my strong desire now to end my life.

I have had these thoughts since my preteen years mostly motivated by last minute work on school assignments. It has now evolved into a strong determination because of several factors.

In 2022 I took an interest in hiking. But I constantly was worried of having a bowel movements while hiking and not having a place to relieve myself. This fear trickled into my daily existence where now I am constantly in fear of having a bowel movement and a toilet is not readily available. It may sound bizarre, it is for me, but this fear has stopped me from pursuing jobs because I fear having a bowel movement while I am in the car or somewhere else when a toilet is not available.

To add to this, towards the end of 2022, I developed overactive bladder (OAB). For those who do not know OAB is a strong and uncontrollable desire to urinate. It has gotten progressively worse where now my urge comes instantly (no feeling of needing to pee prior to sudden urge) and if I do not find a bathroom within 5 minutes I easily urinate my pants. This has created a lot of anxiety for me as you can imagine and I do not go outside that frequently anymore because of this fear.

Finally, my work career has been a series of positions that I fortunately landed that required very little effort from me. My career area is in finance, but I do not and have not learned anything about finance. I am now at a senior level because of my age and experience yet I do not have the basic knowledge to compete in this area. Due to the worsening bathroom conditions (OAB, bowel movements) I no longer want to work and have not been for almost a year now. I live with my parents.

I am thinking of using SN as my method. to confirm this is sodium nitrite?

Also, I am in Turkey, and I need help procuring SN. It seems that is sold openly on ecommerce platforms but would like confirmation that this is the case preferably from a user in Turkey that has successfully procured this agent.

I plan on writing a short note asking for forgiveness from my parents. I know my mom especially will be hard hit with my passing, but I want her to continue her life, same as my dad and sister.

Thank you for reading
bump would appreciate anyone in Turkey who can help me get SN

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[WearyWanderer]

Hi want,

Thanks for the introduction post and nice to meet you. Welcome to the SS family as whywere would say. I know you've been here a while but just wanted to say since this is your first post.

I can understand the frustration and anxiety of your struggles, that's definitely a tough condition to live with.

Have you ever tried or thought of trying those absorbent pads or adult pull-ups? Honestly I think there's a way to hide them with large pants or different tips and tricks.

And is the issue with your bowels similar?

So sorry you're experiencing health difficulties needing to use the restroom is such a large part of the day.

But I guess I'm just wondering if it'd be any small comfort if you could have a way where instead of rushing to the bathroom you go in your car, etc. and *then* go to the bathroom to clean up with maybe baby wipes and a new incontinence pad or pullup.

I know this isn't what you wanna hear probably it just sounded extremely uncomfortable and inconveniencing to go through the opposite problem of frequent accidents and even more cleanup.

I'm also just curious if any specific diets have helped with it? I know there are some special IC diets that can help with flares and pain, not sure if your diagnosis is similar to that.

Please know we care about you and you're not alone in dealing with physical disability and struggles.