willitpass
Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
- Mar 10, 2020
- 3,163
As a long term user here, very much not by choice, it feels so isolating. To watch the community turn over and over and over. Some have caught their bus. Some have decided they don't want to die anymore. Some we don't know. Very few stick around this long. I have tried so fucking hard to get out. Since being on here alone I've had 2 major attempts, too many small attempts to count, and days upon days upon days of potentially lethal self harm. I've tried every therapy I can get my hands on. Meds, CBT, DBT, IOP, trauma informed, ECT, ketamine, you name it. I've tried so fucking hard to live and I've tried so fucking hard to die. Yet I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo. Frozen in time. I'm jealous of those who were able to catch their bus because they are free. My heart breaks that they are gone and got those they left behind. I'm jealous of those who got better because they are no longer in such excruciating pain. I'm so happy for them that they get to live the life they so desperately fought for. I just don't want to be stuck in the middle. I live in purgatory. I cannot die, no matter how hard I try. I cannot live in peace, no matter how hard I try. I am stuck living in suffering.
