Weed to feel better

[Spacing Out]

Not sure if this is allowed here, but disclaimer: I'm Canadian and it's completely legal here. I'm also of age so I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't think.

I haven't been on the forums for a while, mostly because I'm doing... better. I've managed to quiet my ideation enough to function, and I haven't had major self harm urges which is crazy good for me. Lately I've also picked up smoking marijuana and the effects have surprisingly helped me a lot? I'm actually cleaning my room and trying to stay tidy, and I feel like it reins in my normally scattered mind. I refuse to admit it irl but I AM worried about creating a dependency or addiction because I've had issues with alcohol in the past, but this doesn't feel the same.

I guess I wanted to just put it out here and see if anyone has had a similar experience. I kind of expect that eventually the positives could wear off but it still feels nice to have something like that... I do miss the alcohol one sometimes but at least this has benefits - thoughts?

Also, a secondary question for those with any knowledge on it: my mind often divides into different personalities when I smoke and my boyfriend seems confused or concerned when I mention it. It feels like some Doom Patrol type deal. I find myself talking about myself in the third person from a perspective that isn't me. I just want to know if that's normal, or at least not a bad thing. No judgement, please. I've got enough of that.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Some studies claim cannabis can trigger schizophrenia. Weed helps me too, but I have to be stoned all the time and when I don't smoke my suicidal ideations come back 10 times stronger, I get super angry, unmotivated depressed, can't sleep and when I do nightmares hit me hard. But then again I've smoked daily for 25 years.

I would try a strains with lower THC. For me I go a little nuts anything over 20% THC.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I guess I'm broken...weed never helped me it only made me paranoid and feel sick and I tried tons of strains. CBD does nothing for me.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I wouldn't say it ever made me happy, more of an escape, especially for the last few months. Its gonna be different for everyone but I'd suggest not to make it too much of a habit. Although I prefer it a lot more to alcohol it can become a slippery slope quite quickly. It got to a point I was smoking just to function for the day and it was the same with my housemates, it was all they did so it became all I did too since I rarely left the house and have no other friends. One of the positives though is that it made lock down fly by for me, everyday was the same. Also I'd say it was an alternative to my self harm too. We ended up spending hundreds of pounds a week on weed for little to no benefit. I went cold turkey about a month before moving back into my mum's house.

Since its legal over in Canada I assume that it is better regulated so THC which is the active chemical which causes psychosis will be less abundant in the weed. In the past couple of decades the shift from CBD to THC in weed has shifted quite dramatically. I'd just suggest you always make sure you know what you are getting and to take it in moderation just like anything.

 

[muffin222]

Have you ever heard of Structural Dissociation? It may be worth looking up. It might resonate with you and your experience. Personally, my personality is fragmented into different "parts" that sometimes have conflicting thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. I've always been like this, but I find that when I smoke weed I notice it MUCH more. The reason structural dissociation works so well as a coping strategy for the mind is that it functions largely below our conscious awareness. When I'm high, however, it's like the veil is lifted and I'm able to see the split and the various "parts" of my personality shifting around clearly. I'm not sure why I can see it so clearly while high, but it's very disorienting for me :\

If structural dissociation seems to apply to your situation, then it's not just a temporary state triggered by weed- it's the dominant structure of your personality/mind as a whole- you just aren't normally aware of it while sober

 

[Spacing Out]

On mobile so it's harder to reply individually, sorry!!

I'm sorry some of you had such negative experiences, I'll definitely heed your advice! I want to be aware of whether I'm slipping. I have a current favourite strain that is just enough to quiet the voices so it's not as... trippy? I guess? But more vibing. One night I cleaned my entire bathroom (long overdue) and another I just drew and painted. Things I always want to do but never can. So hopefully I'm doing okay THC-content-wise right now, but I'll be careful.

On the topic of the last bit - It doesn't quite feel like schizophrenia because a) I'm aware it's all in my mind and b) I know it's not hallucinations because there's no outside senses. It's just different versions of me that get to kind of vie around.

@muffin - That actually sounds... exactly right. Everything I've considered (schizophrenia, psychosis triggered by it, even DID) just isn't it, but that does. I'm going to do more research before I make a conclusion but thank you SO much, that's so helpful!! It makes me feel a little less crazy. I'm sorry it's disorienting :( it was at first for me but I've started to really enjoy the interactions. I'm working on breaking down barriers from within and it's going surprisingly well for someone who doesn't know much about it.

 

[Susannah]

Weed works like this for me in different situations:
Having sex, wow yes. It relaxes me, and improves my focus.
Watching TV/ series. No problem, but I'll probably forget it the next day.
Social happenings with no- smokers... not a good match. I feel sharper than drunk people, and I'll probably start a heavy discussion about religion, politics or neurology.
House work. Yes, works excellent, and it's less boring.
Training. NO! Not a chance. Too exhausting and it feels like to being trapped between two worlds.

 

[muffin222]

On mobile so it's harder to reply individually, sorry!!

I'm sorry some of you had such negative experiences, I'll definitely heed your advice! I want to be aware of whether I'm slipping. I have a current favourite strain that is just enough to quiet the voices so it's not as... trippy? I guess? But more vibing. One night I cleaned my entire bathroom (long overdue) and another I just drew and painted. Things I always want to do but never can. So hopefully I'm doing okay THC-content-wise right now, but I'll be careful.

On the topic of the last bit - It doesn't quite feel like schizophrenia because a) I'm aware it's all in my mind and b) I know it's not hallucinations because there's no outside senses. It's just different versions of me that get to kind of vie around.

@muffin - That actually sounds... exactly right. Everything I've considered (schizophrenia, psychosis triggered by it, even DID) just isn't it, but that does. I'm going to do more research before I make a conclusion but thank you SO much, that's so helpful!! It makes me feel a little less crazy. I'm sorry it's disorienting :( it was at first for me but I've started to really enjoy the interactions. I'm working on breaking down barriers from within and it's going surprisingly well for someone who doesn't know much about it.

You're welcome! :) I'm glad it helped! I went through the same struggle of trying to figure out what the f was going on with me until I learned about structural dissociation. Yeah, it can be interesting to interact with different parts and see how they think. Some of my parts hold traumatic memories, sadly, so when I'm high sometimes I'll be rocking out to some music I like while simultaneously having traumatized "child" parts of me coming in and bringing back old painful memories, lol. But, the key is to accept all of the parts as yourself instead of shunning the ones you don't like or want

I wish dissociation was talked about more as opposed to everyone just writing off "hearing voices" as schizophrenia. Ah well

 

[Spacing Out]

@Susannah - I agree with that. There's no way I could work out high lol, I've not tried it but I'm pretty sure it would be weird. The others are pretty much exactly how I feel too! It all depends on context.

@muffin - ah yeah, I feel that. Sometimes it flips me back to a headspace I had when I was a kid and things were going very wrong. At first I was like 'wait' but now I kind of embrace that. I find it helps me identify what was going on and how I coped because frankly, I tend to shut down my emotions and feel numbed out. I still do it so identifying past cases makes me feel better :) but it's not always very comfortable, that's for sure.

And true, I didn't really consider dissociation because my idea of it was a bit different (ex. I feel that unreality when I'm spiralling). I had never heard of this version of it before, actually. I don't feel so terrible about deciding to sit with the discomfort now - I'm just looking at trauma head on in a relaxed state, and not even every time, which is nice.

 

[Fedrea]

Used to make me feel worse mentally but I found it great for chronic pain

 

[Roberto]

Not sure if this is allowed here, but disclaimer: I'm Canadian and it's completely legal here. I'm also of age so I'm not doing anything wrong, I don't think.

I haven't been on the forums for a while, mostly because I'm doing... better. I've managed to quiet my ideation enough to function, and I haven't had major self harm urges which is crazy good for me. Lately I've also picked up smoking marijuana and the effects have surprisingly helped me a lot? I'm actually cleaning my room and trying to stay tidy, and I feel like it reins in my normally scattered mind. I refuse to admit it irl but I AM worried about creating a dependency or addiction because I've had issues with alcohol in the past, but this doesn't feel the same.

I guess I wanted to just put it out here and see if anyone has had a similar experience. I kind of expect that eventually the positives could wear off but it still feels nice to have something like that... I do miss the alcohol one sometimes but at least this has benefits - thoughts?

Also, a secondary question for those with any knowledge on it: my mind often divides into different personalities when I smoke and my boyfriend seems confused or concerned when I mention it. It feels like some Doom Patrol type deal. I find myself talking about myself in the third person from a perspective that isn't me. I just want to know if that's normal, or at least not a bad thing. No judgement, please. I've got enough of that.

I've tried cannabis as younger. But I didn't feel nothing special. Now ... I don't know. It's not legal here. I use alcohol, but I feel worried for the addiction.

A hug & good luck