I've been on and off SS for 5ish years and here I am again. I failed a CTB attempt april of 2020 and ended up in a psychward for 7 days. I took 80mg of xanax after two bottles of wine and i had bacterial pneumonia… which almostttt did it, but my (now ex) boyfriend caught me and called the police. I have my little SN kit put together with meto etc… but man there is nothing crappier than failing an attempt and my life becoming even more of a living nightmare as a result. My parents said they were going to "sit this one out" because i've had mental health issues my whole life and they are tired of me. So i have no support from family. My kid's dad is making it impossible to see my kid and weaponized my ctb attempt and got a lawyer. Trying (and failing) to ctb has made me determined not to screw it up this time but im getting cold feet on the sn and think i may try to get n. There has not been a day that has passed that has made me go "wow im so glad i didnt die".
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Hopefully this isn't in bad taste or anything, especially since I just got here, but I am glad you're still with us. I'm very sorry you're struggling though. My advice? Get the N. More than anything else in life, this is something we need to be 100% ready for and 100% prepared for. If N makes you more comfortable, which from everything I've read it is probably the best method, then you need to go that route. I know it'll take longer, cost more money etc... But like I said I just think it's something you need to be prepared and ready for. I wish you peace either way, and until the time comes you always have us here to talk through things with.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 41,973
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering, living really can be painful, I can imagine it must be really hard deal with, failing an attempt. I wish you well.
That sounds awful. Would you have ctb if your ex didn't catch you and call the police? I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
It looks like many people here are ready to go with SN, but it doesn't seem that peaceful from what I've read about.
It looks like many people here are ready to go with SN, but it doesn't seem that peaceful from what I've read about.
