What do you do when you can't accept an undesirable situation, but can't change it?

[paredler]

I'm 30 gay male and in the gay community there's a huge pressure to become muscular.
After my second suicide attempt, my body chemistry has been disrupted and it has affected my spine. I suffer from two bulging discs that make it hard for me to walk and very hard to exercise. Even before the attempts, I didn't respond well to physical suffering. I don't respond well to suffering at all, that's why I attempted twice. The muscle dream is dead to me, or rather, it has never actually been real. I tried to exercise in 2018, before the attempts, but after two months I collapsed mentally. I have zero self discipline. Very few times in my life I managed to exert self discipline and it has always gone at some point. Most of my life I have lived on automatic pilot because that's the mode with the least amount of physical and mental pain there is.

It's been a year since I last had sex and this sexual starvation drives me insane. I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

 

[innominesatanas44]

I just replace need for human intimacy with my hand, there is less bacteria than with another person

 

[xinino]

Fight it to survive or commit suicide

 

[Linda]

I probably know the gay community - in all its diversity - better than you do. I have been dragged around most corners of it by the many gay male friends I have had for over half a century. What you say may be true of part of the gay community, but it is definitely not true of all of it. You need to find a different corner of the gay community. For example, there are gay groups founded around some common interest, and in those groups sex is not the primary focus. You could try to find such a group.

 

[saduser88]

Fight it to survive or commit suicide

Yeah I'm trying.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I research methods and seek others who want to ctb.

 

[thetimehaspast]

I agree with comments . I do think Linda has made a good point. The gay community has a lot of different areas and you have not ventured into it yet. See if you can find someone online as I think Bars can be very intimidating. I have tried finding someone and have good memories. As I have got older I have basically given up as it as it just adds to my depression not helps it. I kind of made peace with it. But I would say try having the experiences as I would be more depressed if I had not tried to find someone. My issue currently is I have issues where I live, my mother I am very close to the end of her life very soon and I feel I have tried everything I want to in life. I'm 42 and I had a list of things I wanted to do and I have done it. Just feel I'm hanging around with no new goals and don't want new ones. I hope the best you can connect with someone even if it's just for a bit.