• Hey Guest,

    As you know, censorship around the world has been ramping up at an alarming pace. The UK and OFCOM has singled out this community and have been focusing its censorship efforts here. It takes a good amount of resources to maintain the infrastructure for our community and to resist this censorship. We would appreciate any and all donations.

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GreenLBMD

Member
Aug 28, 2023
10
When I say lost I mean specifically feeling as though there is nothing concrete for you to reach for in the future. The feeling that it is done, but it can not end. I am interested to talk with/observe what different people's answers are here.
 
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lacrimosa

Experienced
Jul 1, 2024
233
I write stories and poems or watch TV, work on my music, play video games. Anything, really, that will distract myself from my current reality and circumstances... Or I just sleep and wallow in my depression, paranoia, and anxiety, white-knuckling it. Sometimes I imagine myself CTB and what it will feel like to take my last breaths.

I threw in the towel a long time ago, now, I'm just waiting for the inevitable, and we all know what that means...
 
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GreenLBMD

Member
Aug 28, 2023
10
I've come to a point where games aren't enough in terms of substance. Not to say I don't still play them for 10+ hours a day, but I have been looking for more. Writing could be interesting, what kind of writing do you do? You mentioned stories or poems but is there a genre that you find works better for you?
 
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lacrimosa

Experienced
Jul 1, 2024
233
I ramble more than write but somehow it ends up being decent sometimes. And sometimes it's just verbal diarrhea... Working on a novel right now... Well, whom am I kidding... I'm not really working on anything... I wish I was working on it but I don't have much motivation to finish or work on anything these days. I'm very tired due to my mental and physical health issues.

If I could wave a magic wand, I wouldn't change my circumstances as I deserve to die IMHO. I am a part of the tapestry that is the human race and thus equally guilty as anyone else. Having said that, I don't think other people deserve to die for being human or being born into this shitty planet.

Anyways, I want to finish my novel and a few songs before I CTB. And I probably will, and, maybe the hesitation to write is what is keeping me in this limbo mindset...

This depression is numbing but despite the numbness, I am starting to see things with more clarity despite being the cliche tortured artist.

I don't know what the end game is or what will happen to me, but I will ultimately make my final decision. For now though, I am looking for someone to critique my writing and members here have graciously offered to read what I've written. So, there is a silver lining hidden somewhere here. And, the people on here are really lovely and understanding. Not going to lie. It's a really welcoming community.

Posting here also takes up a lot of my time. It's comforting to know I am not struggling alone with this situation, and it is okay to make a conscious decision to CTB. I don't feel so guilty about it in the end.

For now though, I will live in limbo and just keep on ticking through life until I can't go on anymore.

And to answer your question - Fiction...
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,206
I too resort to distracting myself while attempting to manage to aimlessly wander around until I achieve the desired result. This applies to getting lost in reality, in video games, and mentally. Haven't gotten out in the last example though.
 
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Cute_&_Loving

I like trinkets:)
May 10, 2023
424
I cry…. That's all I can do….... and hope for sudden death or strength to take my life….. I know it's not helpful one bit but it's true….
 
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