What do you have to live for?

[tartvinegar]

I just feel so low, I want to know what people have that keeps them going

 

[derekWest]

fear to grieve my love's one and fear of ctb failure for me

 

[tartvinegar]

The failure definitely makes me scared. I don't want to be a vegetable

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

I just feel so low, I want to know what people have that keeps them going

I have lost everything, and I am suffering more than ever, and I miss the woman of my dreams every day... but I think I am only staying alive by waiting for an impossible miracle... I ask the Universe every day for the impossible miracle of being able to get back with her someday, or to start a new life somewhere else and not suffer like this. Living by waiting for an impossible miracle. I guess I am begging the Universe before I give up completely. Unfortunately every day I have less hope, to the point that the wait for a miracle has almost disappeared, I think I am about to give up on life, and that makes me very sad, I would like to keep waiting and fighting but I have no hope left.

 

[tartvinegar]

That's so tough

 

[SadFoxDreamer83]

The failure definitely makes me scared. I don't want to be a vegetable

I am also very afraid of trying and failing, I could not bear a life with even more suffering than I already have. Imagine that you try and end up with a much worse life and no possibility of trying again, I am very afraid.

 

[DivineSpark]

Family and friends, those things keeps me going.

 

[itbelikethat]

Nothing atm, I'm honestly a little relieved. But there was a few things, in my younger days.

My dog, I loved him very much, and I failed him, and he hasn't been with us for quite some time.

My mother, she had an illness that was terminal, and I wanted her to see that I could make my way in this world before she passed. Plus she had already outlived a child.

My ex, who was a wonderful woman, but deeply troubled. When we had first gotten together I had decided that I couldn't be happy, but I could make her happy, so that's what I went with. I was young and stupid, so I hadn't realized how toxic that could become. She's the only person who was there to pick up the pieces after my mother passed, the only person alive at the moment I felt could love me unconditionally. But I was weak, and so very ignorant, so after many months of trying to wait until she got better I had given up. We tried one last time, but I broke things off as we started going into our old toxic dynamic. A part of me wishes I had stayed, however, I know she's better off without me. Plus I can't see her as the person who I fell in love with anymore, the sole source of stability, the only thing I could have relied and trusted died after a hectic incident. Maybe things would have been better had i stayed.

To my credit, after all this I tried my best. However my genuine self is toxic, pathetic and laughable at best, depressing and unpleasant at worst. I don't see things getting better. I'm better off alone.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I just feel so low, I want to know what people have that keeps them going

I have my family, they love me.

 

[Sutter]

Bite.

Snowfall rested, clear evening sky and the suns shadow bounced by the moon shines on facets of turned flakes. Waiting on the blur of a visit from a gaunt ever present hare to move lethargic but with purpose to the hedge.

Was clear statues sharp in mid day sun. A goal, trinket desire, tangible then more like snowfall. Had small wants then cared for others all their needs and wants spread over a nights soft snow. Content but withering, kept on with those reasons. Lost them all like a cup of spilled diamonds on a dark evening, still see them strewn across the snow.

Grief gets way laid for the sake of daughters. Carved those statues out of grief and loss as time unwound for my life. Seems true it's a part of you that shapes what is left. A long married life passed, a woman I loved is still there and yet gone and so am I.

Reasons now? To finish a purpose that fades. Stomp an ego and let it go. Take a breath without a pushing sadness. Finding fleeting moments through a tenuous thread to the world around me, where the sun of past reason is spun to tears of fractured moonlight carved in crystalline snow set cold for the night resting.

Had a bite on the thread line. Not spectacular reasons just small ones that move me in another day, much like tart vinegar first thing, not what you want but spikes a palette for a time till another moment.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I guess I just don't want to die as I am. I feel like I need to accomplish something before I go. I also just don't really have a good enough reason to die beyond a general feeling of being sick of life (which is easy enough to distract myself from). But I'm not sure my reasons will be of much help to you since I'm only passively suicidal.

 

[Jaded_Wolf]

My mom is one reason. Another is the uncertainty that life might improve in ways I cannot foresee currently at this time. A third reason is the second-guessing I have about whether CTB would be the best option for me.

 

[tartvinegar]

I'm honestly so depressed and I feel so much like a failure. I lost my job yesterday, of 8 years, and I was fired in a really cruel way, they told me the company would be better off without me. And the job was my whole life, I cared about it so much and it was my identity, something I'm so proud of. Especially to leave on such acrimonious terms, with such vitriol directed at me, is so painful. I can't stand to be alive anymore. Like I just want to die as soon as possible, but in a peaceful way, in my own home.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I've said in previous threads that I want to love God, do good, save lives and help others cross over. And on good days, I feel that. Other days, it's pure spite. Today, it's paralysis.

I'm honestly so depressed and I feel so much like a failure. I lost my job yesterday, of 8 years, and I was fired in a really cruel way, they told me the company would be better off without me. And the job was my whole life, I cared about it so much and it was my identity, something I'm so proud of. Especially to leave on such acrimonious terms, with such vitriol directed at me, is so painful. I can't stand to be alive anymore. Like I just want to die as soon as possible, but in a peaceful way, in my own home.

I've been in this exact situation five years ago as of Valentine's Day. Although they didn't personally insult me the way they did you. The anniversary of my firing I actually left my current job to have a meltdown over the job I lost. It was just nuts.

 

[MeaCulpa]

A dear hobby of mine keeps me going. I have a number of collectibles scattered around my bedroom. Seeing all of their little faces gives me some small amount of happiness, even if it's not much.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

Sympathy for my family.

 

[nolifeleft]

I just feel so low, I want to know what people have that keeps them going

the possibility of my life getting better, even by just a little bit. i grew up partially homeless, getting evicted and jumping from place to place and sleeping in a car with my dad.

the dream of me one day having a house and a family to settle in and children to raise in a stable childhood home and give them a better life than i had is enough.

even if i have no family, having a house is good as well.

the possibility of my life getting better, even by just a little bit. i grew up partially homeless, getting evicted and jumping from place to place and sleeping in a car with my dad.

the dream of me one day having a house and a family to settle in and children to raise in a stable childhood home and give them a better life than i had is enough.

even if i have no family, having a house is good as well.

also— my two cats. i can't leave them.

 

[Lord_Kapybara]

In fact, the only thing that stops me is that my family will be nearby. We don't have any close relationships. For a long time I slowly cut off all contacts and pushed them away. I withdrew from social life, left my friends, quit my studies. I destroyed old documents and threw out most of my things. I'm now functioning a bit like a monk. I have almost nothing and I would like nothing left for me.

But I know that after all they will freak out. They would definitely like to make me a funeral and keep memories of me.
I am thinking about escaping somewhere very far. Enter some wild jungle and disappear so that no one ever learned about it.
They would probably try to look for me and they would expect that I am somewhere in the world, but it would be better than making a problem and doing them talking about me

 

[MoonBat]

I want to believe in a better world and I want to be there for it. If not life as a whole, then at least the life I'm a part of.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Obligation. Mostly an emotional obligation to not hurt my Dad and a guilt tripped obligation to not become a financial burden on him. So- I'm effectively stuck with trying to make life work as best I can until I've fulfilled my duty and am free to go. So- that means a whole bunch of distraction while I serve my time here.

 

[foggyskies_]

My cats. The sunrises in the morning. Getting to listen to songs I enjoy. The knowledge that people would have to pick up my mess after I'm gone... pretty small things, but it's something. I wish I had more to look forward to.

By the way, I hope you cheer up, at least a little bit soon ♡

In fact, the only thing that stops me is that my family will be nearby. We don't have any close relationships. For a long time I slowly cut off all contacts and pushed them away. I withdrew from social life, left my friends, quit my studies. I destroyed old documents and threw out most of my things. I'm now functioning a bit like a monk. I have almost nothing and I would like nothing left for me.

But I know that after all they will freak out. They would definitely like to make me a funeral and keep memories of me.
I am thinking about escaping somewhere very far. Enter some wild jungle and disappear so that no one ever learned about it.
They would probably try to look for me and they would expect that I am somewhere in the world, but it would be better than making a problem and doing them talking about me

I've had similar thoughts, trying to leave my life behind. I've kind of realized that it's more convinient to try and "dissapear yourself"- go somewhere remote where nobody recognizes you- and continue on living. Rather than giving up every experience and people still holding on to your memory, with no way to stop them.

I'm curious, what's your motivation? Maybe you'll find peace in running away rather than ctb?

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

honestly, it's not very healthy, but weight loss/continuing to lose weight is what helps to keep me going. i am at the lower end of a healthy weight and i've lost over 60lbs but i'm still not satisfied, and i want to be satisfied with the way that i look. the hope of other people accepting me also keeps me going.