FlufflesAway
Student
- Jul 31, 2024
- 102
I think I'm in a chronic state of feeling... unsafe, agitated, and scared. In a freeze response. Not in the window of tolerance. Whatever psycho-babble you want to use. I'm not sure I've ever been able to relax, but I don't know what feeling relaxed actually is. For isolation I probably win a gold medal. Adolescents, via socialization, probably get a grasp of normal behavior and even normal emotional states. If they can't enter those states when it's appropriate they probably learn to mask. What of the isolated and severely traumatized individual though? Whose only interactions with the outside world only occurred after they had become an adult?
What does being relaxed feel like? What drugs can one use to force the body (more specifically the mind) into a state of relaxation. I've tried alcohol. It makes my body catatonic and does nothing to alleviate the mind. It tastes beyond foul too. Antidepressants have no noticeable effect. (I think the evidence is clear: they don't do anything for chronically 'depressed' individuals.) An antiepileptic I've taken has helped a bit, I think (helps with tremors), but it's so far been marginal--and these classes of drugs aren't supposed to relax you, I don't think. I've tried cannabis oil too, and this drug has been the only one to have given me the capacity to feel positive emotions. For the first time in my life it felt like I could experience nice things. A dormant part of me woke up and wanted to look after me. I was ecstatic with what I felt, but it only happened once. All the other times I just get confused (though sometimes there's a tiny bit of positive mood), and I think I've become allergic to the oil. I'll vomit and get flu-like symptoms for a while. So I don't think this helps, but it showed me what it feels like to feel not miserable. Not sure if it was a relaxed state, or just being "high" though.
I don't know how to relax. I don't know what it feels like to be relaxed. I've tried everything that's commonly available--walking in nature, hot showers, legally obtained 'recreational' drugs, breath therapy, talking therapy, somatic therapy, idk, prob more I can't think of right now.
I just want to be normal. Have variation in my moods, including feeling relaxed >: (
What does being relaxed feel like? What drugs can one use to force the body (more specifically the mind) into a state of relaxation. I've tried alcohol. It makes my body catatonic and does nothing to alleviate the mind. It tastes beyond foul too. Antidepressants have no noticeable effect. (I think the evidence is clear: they don't do anything for chronically 'depressed' individuals.) An antiepileptic I've taken has helped a bit, I think (helps with tremors), but it's so far been marginal--and these classes of drugs aren't supposed to relax you, I don't think. I've tried cannabis oil too, and this drug has been the only one to have given me the capacity to feel positive emotions. For the first time in my life it felt like I could experience nice things. A dormant part of me woke up and wanted to look after me. I was ecstatic with what I felt, but it only happened once. All the other times I just get confused (though sometimes there's a tiny bit of positive mood), and I think I've become allergic to the oil. I'll vomit and get flu-like symptoms for a while. So I don't think this helps, but it showed me what it feels like to feel not miserable. Not sure if it was a relaxed state, or just being "high" though.
I don't know how to relax. I don't know what it feels like to be relaxed. I've tried everything that's commonly available--walking in nature, hot showers, legally obtained 'recreational' drugs, breath therapy, talking therapy, somatic therapy, idk, prob more I can't think of right now.
I just want to be normal. Have variation in my moods, including feeling relaxed >: (