What does this do for myself?

[Surai]

what will the writing of lines do for myself then to read other other lines that stick in a head that pass away faster than I thought. Its too much its too much, why should I keep trying If I have to try? for what except myself its not enough to push me like they push me all the time. So forget about pushing yourself these days, cause they will do that for you. Of course this is how I feel, I cant feel it real it feels too fake not even real. I wish and wish and keep wishing, so I gave up on wishing, gave up on fishing gave up on planning and watching, now Im waiting now even for a bite but a wave to push me off to drown me, because even I dont have the energy to throw myself. but even then if it sits long enough, a fire could break out, I could trip and then what other choice would I want? or have? Its better If i dont have anything cause then I wont have anything to lose. And I dont have anything to lose but myself. remove myself so that I may revive again and revive again so that I may kill myself again. I would do the same thing everytime. It just makes sense why Im here. It just fits. It is just right. the nature of the nature I find myself in. Cmon bite, cmon bite Im just waiting until I get the bite so I can act and finally try a last try and then, nothing matters anymore.