What happens to my family if I ctb?

[midstarscream]

I am perfectly okay ending my annoying, stupid, fruitless existence. But the only thing that has kept me so far (and has been keeping me) is my family's reaction to my death.

I can imagine all of them sitting in the living room, in shock, my mom and gran not able to breathe a word, my sister and dad crying, and my cat blissfully unaware of the reality, probably wondering I went out of station.

Every time I make serious plans about ctbing, this image pops up in my mind, and it is a horrifying one. I love my family, and I want to ctb, because I've had enough of my life. It's a useless existence, I only cause problems to others, I'm worthless, and I'll never be successful at what I do. (I have never ever been successful either).

I have my SN and everything else ready, I even live on the 20th floor ffs. I can just jump and be done. But I can't.

I want to, though.

 

[death_bed221]

I am perfectly okay ending my annoying, stupid, fruitless existence. But the only thing that has kept me so far (and has been keeping me) is my family's reaction to my death.

I can imagine all of them sitting in the living room, in shock, my mom and gran not able to breathe a word, my sister and dad crying, and my cat blissfully unaware of the reality, probably wondering I went out of station.

Every time I make serious plans about ctbing, this image pops up in my mind, and it is a horrifying one. I love my family, and I want to ctb, because I've had enough of my life. It's a useless existence, I only cause problems to others, I'm worthless, and I'll never be successful at what I do. (I have never ever been successful either).

I have my SN and everything else ready, I even live on the 20th floor ffs. I can just jump and be done. But I can't.

I want to, though.

If ur family cares about u they are gonna destroyed. Imagine if ur parent killed themselves. Part of u would blame yourself. Sayin all that I don't think ur family should be able to have a say in ur suicide. Its yours and and your choice alone

 

[midstarscream]

If ur family cares about u they are gonna destroyed. Imagine if ur parent killed themselves. Part of u would blame yourself. Sayin all that I don't think ur family should be able to have a say in ur suicide. Its yours and and your choice alone

I know. But I don't get how people (with loving families) are able to overcome that and successfully ctb.

 

[death_bed221]

I know. But I don't get how people (with loving families) are able to overcome that and successfully ctb.

I am in the same place. I really don't want to live but my mom loves me and I just cant do that shit to her. I got sn like a week ago and I even feel bad for having sn hidden from her, Its not her fault but I feel like no matter how good my suicide note is she will destroy herself after my death. I feel like I am in a prison. What ever I do its its bad

 

[ThatRussianDude]

I think it is like divorce. You cant keep living with a partner you dont like just for the sake of children.

 

[pleaseiwanttogo]

Talking to them about it (if possible), could help.
You asked about how people are able to overcome that, and I believe it's personal for each of them, but maybe knowing this will help: a friend of mine CTBed not long ago, he left his parents, grandparents and other family members, I talked to his mom a lot and got to understand better the situation. Although she is grieving and experiencing all that we expect in a time like that, she also understands him, because they talked a lot about it and she knew that would happen one day. She hopes he is in peace, she prays for him and waits for the day they'll see each other again, like her religion says. She is struggling, but she understands it, and personally, I believe that was the best outcome possible for a close family member after a lost by suicide. My friend had a last conversation with each of his family members, left letters, hugged them one last time, and he had a long conversation and said goodbye to his mom. They were always honest to each other and I believe that helped both of them. So, I would advise you to go with honesty, but I can imagine how hard this must be, I'm still figuring out if I have the strength to do it myself (to be honest and open like that).

 

[yukiovos]

I am perfectly okay ending my annoying, stupid, fruitless existence. But the only thing that has kept me so far (and has been keeping me) is my family's reaction to my death.

I can imagine all of them sitting in the living room, in shock, my mom and gran not able to breathe a word, my sister and dad crying, and my cat blissfully unaware of the reality, probably wondering I went out of station.

Every time I make serious plans about ctbing, this image pops up in my mind, and it is a horrifying one. I love my family, and I want to ctb, because I've had enough of my life. It's a useless existence, I only cause problems to others, I'm worthless, and I'll never be successful at what I do. (I have never ever been successful either).

I have my SN and everything else ready, I even live on the 20th floor ffs. I can just jump and be done. But I can't.

I want to, though.

I have this thought occasionally but tbf i didn't choose to be here and as much as i love my family, it doesnt outweigh the pain i have to endur in this existence.

I never chose to be here, the only time i was truly happy was my early childhood, i have great memories that im forever thankful for, and im very greatful for them. Unfortuanatly i lost the "thrill and joy" of life a long time ago and im stuck in a never ending loop. I cant take this any longer. Even positive momements dont feel the same as they did before, while the rest are filled with agony and and got too much expectations from everyone. This should have ended a long time ago, the crushing reality is always there.

 

[human909]

I don't know what will happen to your family after the impact, no one knows. But you could technically help them a bit before hand on the pain by leaving them a note on exactly on why you ctb. it could help with the impact but make sure that it says clearly that they had nothing to do with it, if that's true. That's what i am doing anyways.

 

[fkyou]

I'm in the same situation

 

[CatLvr]

I know. But I don't get how people (with loving families) are able to overcome that and successfully ctb.

I don't know either. I am in a similar position as you. As long as my children need me I will stay here. It's not fun an awful lot of the time, but it is an obligation I owe them.)