amnotreal
Student
- Oct 20, 2019
- 137
I keep seeing the word "recovery" and I stare at it and I feel really hopeless and confused. I want recovery though. I want to want to be alive or at least be neutral. I want to be able to live and be alive. for people with chronic illness and pain what does recovery mean?
I am right now basically looking for a surgeon and going to have surgery basically as soon as whichever doctor I pick can schedule me to diagnose if I have endometriosis and do excision if I have it. I found this forum before I think I realized I had a real physical illness cuz I have had so much medical gasliughting from family and to a lesser degree from doctors in my life I was blaming it all on mental health and therapists an d my spouse and friends have all been saying for years the physical health stuff is true and i just didn't understand until i came across endometriosis and then my spouse read about it and i have had these symptoms for like 27 years i guess. filling out forms i keep having to do the math. i am really afraid. i think what i am afraid of is i am getting sicker and sicker and just in this waiting to see if a doctor can help me so that i can recover in some way and i don't even know what recovery means at this point.
before my meds kicked in all i could think about was ctb but knowing not to be impulsive and not having stuff and just thinking about here and i just keep being afraid to hope for health or improvment and being afraid to be anything but very pessimistic.
I am right now basically looking for a surgeon and going to have surgery basically as soon as whichever doctor I pick can schedule me to diagnose if I have endometriosis and do excision if I have it. I found this forum before I think I realized I had a real physical illness cuz I have had so much medical gasliughting from family and to a lesser degree from doctors in my life I was blaming it all on mental health and therapists an d my spouse and friends have all been saying for years the physical health stuff is true and i just didn't understand until i came across endometriosis and then my spouse read about it and i have had these symptoms for like 27 years i guess. filling out forms i keep having to do the math. i am really afraid. i think what i am afraid of is i am getting sicker and sicker and just in this waiting to see if a doctor can help me so that i can recover in some way and i don't even know what recovery means at this point.
before my meds kicked in all i could think about was ctb but knowing not to be impulsive and not having stuff and just thinking about here and i just keep being afraid to hope for health or improvment and being afraid to be anything but very pessimistic.