What is the difference between calling a suicide helpline and venting on Sanctioned Suicide?

[noname223]

We had this topic in my self-help group. Some called helplines with different experiences. Bad and good.

I told them I never called one because people online described bad experiences. My main question is: what is the difference to talk to someome whose voluntary job it is to talk to you and someone who shares similar pain?

The hotline won't describe suicide as potential route to go. And some want that. I don't.

I also question the motives of the person who I called. Whether he or she hates her job. Whether it feels like to chore to them. Whether I burden them with my thoughts. Here on SaSu the people share similar pain and I know do it voluntarily.

I think this reasoning is not perfect though. Maybe I burden some people on SaSu with my venting to. But it feels more unlikely.

I like conversation when we are both on similar levels. From one fellow sufferer to another fellow sufferer. But it also totally valid to call these lines if it helps . But it is nothing for me I concluded. It is not personal enough. And someone said the time limit is 15 minutes. Can this be true? Lmao. I have several thousand posts on SaSu. 15 minutes ain't enough. I could not even introduce my problems in such a time span. I would also feel bad if I could not reach someone in this line. This forum is almost always available. I think the ddos attacks decreased in frequency.

 

[Worndown]

You have a reasonable expectation of getting real advice and direction on SS.
Everyone here has faced problems and tries to cope with them.

 

[wishingiwasok]

I've had hotline people be understanding and caring. I don't know about the time limit thing, I don't know if the people I talked to managed to refer me to other resources on time without mentioning a time limit or if there just wasn't one. My biggest concern when calling is going from getting support to them calling the police to come check on me. I've been hospitalized once and it felt way more like a punishment than an attempt to help me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well the main difference for me is that with this website I don't have to subject people to my awful voice so that's a point against helplines. Yeah I know there are text ones but then this place still has an advantage over that since you're more likely to actually connect with people with similar experiences to you and not just someone being paid to be a fake shoulder to cry on.

 

[Forever Sleep]

People here won't (usually) try every (manipulative) tactic in the book to keep you alive. Including guilt trips. The woman I spoke to literally said- 'Think what it would do to your family'. Like- really? What do you think I've been thinking about the past 30+ years? To be fair, she didn't know my history. It also wasn't my choice to call them. It was agreed upon with the police- to get them to go basically- following the IC SN welfare check.

But, she also tried the whole- 'Promise me you won't do it before you call us' thing. Why- if I wanted to commit suicide would I call a number who's primary role is to stop people commiting suicide? Like- I'm no genius but- I'm definitely not falling for that one!

Besides, I don't enjoy being manipulated. It was literally so much nicer talking to the police! That's kind of funny in an awful way. I just felt like we both felt the other waa a complete inconvenience. I was on their radar so- obviously it would have been a problem if I'd then done it. I didn't want to talk to them either. Maybe she would have been nicer to someone who actually wanted their help. The whole thing was such a waste though. There literally could have been someone dangling off a bridge wanting to talk to them at that point. I really think they should be focusing on people who actually want their help.

But anyway, I just think people here are (mostly) genuine. I actually think in an abstract, annonymous way we do actually care that that person is suffering. How can we relate to them? How can we help them? How many options do they have to stop their pain?

It won't be a tick boxing exercise. You won't feel like your getting them in to trouble if you don't agree to certain things. From what I've heard from others, their responses are so scripted and, they're not always even that interested unless you have an actual plan you can implement.

It's not exactly to knock what they do. I massively admire people who volunteer for anything in the hopes it might do some good. Plus, if people find them helpful- also good. I'm still glad they're there for people who want them. I just get the impression there are too many constraints for them to probably be as effective as they could be.

Some of it's liability too I imagine. So- I was a First Aider at work a while back. But, it isn't just about patching someone up. It's about filling in a bunch of forms (with a person bleeding out on the floor) to try and ensure the company isn't held liable. So- not only: 'What's your name? Address? Date of Birth?... That's it... press down hard on the wound... You also have to note what kind of footwear they have on! So basically- is there anyway this was their fault and not ours?

Imagine with a hotline... They're primarily surely thinking- how likely is it this person will top themselves? And- if they do, I'll be investigated most likely. If we had that pressure here- wouldn't it change how we responded to people/ if we responded at all? I just think that amount of pressure on them will make them respond in the way they do.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I freeze too much and struggle to articulate with spoken word/I can lose my words altogether. Especially when flustered or spinning. So I waste too much time. My therapist over time has come to understand and read my expressions but hotlines are not video.

I once tried a text line which felt like it was just starting to get my point across and to calm me down but then the woman essentially cut me off saying about how they can't speak forever and usually conversations are only an hour (we were around that time). So I was immediately sent even more upset and frustrated and annoyed with myself. Worse than I was before trying contact them. It had glimmers of being beneficial if the time was allowed. Therapy is the same significant issue with limited time sessions for me just as I feel like I am relaxing into it more, it gets cut off.

But I now know its not worth the stress of trying to get a flustered point across to a total random on a hotline from scratch just to be cut off. Is way less isolating accepting that fact to start than having tried and feeling inadequate/incompetent in asking for support - and also the horrendous feeling of having wasted resources that might be actually useful for someone else

The other issue is response times. The first time I tried texting (an evening) I didn't get a reply for 5h!!!! The time I actually spoke to them was an 'off peak' time maybe mid week/mid afternoon and I got a reply within minutes.

Here on sasu, boundaries are less of an issue because you can type what you need/feel and others can choose when/if to read. No pressure of getting the words out on demand or having to remember them for a designated time.

Over time, can also get to know some people here which minimises the need for full context/backstory wasting precious limited time each contact.

 

[SilentSadness]

The difference is that helplines are pro life while this forum is pro choice. The purpose of the forum is to be a safe space to vent about problems, while the purpose of the helplines is to reduce suicide rates at any cost. It shows

 

[ijustwishtodie]

The difference is that helplines are pro life while this forum is pro choice. The purpose of the forum is to be a safe space to vent about problems, while the purpose of the helplines is to reduce suicide rates at any cost. It shows

This!! The helplines would do whatever they can to keep you alive (though imo it seems to really ineffective) whilst this site actually acknowledges suicide as a valid solution to one's problems. Additionally, this site actually has people who understand me to some extent whereas the helplines have people who have absolutely no shot at understanding me

 

[TAW122]

The main difference and I think a few people, @Forever Sleep @Dr Iron Arc @ijustwishtodie and some others had lots of good points and to summarize it all up in one or two sentences, I would say venting on SaSu has the benefit of having empathetic people who generally won't try to give unsolicited, cringey advice (it gets better, no don't CTB, or any banal platitudes of that kind), and also the benefit of anonymity (assuming one doesn't drop hints or information that could lead to others finding out their personal info or anything). So SaSu is considered a safe place to vent and be heard, as well as given practical advice rather than being dismissed, talked down, or even gaslit for considering CTB as an valid option.

 

[Aimiya]

This might be a lot of bullsh*t btw, I've never called a Suicide Helpline

On SS, the other person will connect with you in a more spiritual level, that can be both good or bad. Because while you might get someone reassuring, that connects with you and tells you "it's gonna be ok", you can find someone that's in the same hole as you, someone who connects a little too much with your hopeless, and says "yeah it never does get better", and that can be too much, sometimes.

Now, the helper on a Suicide Helpline will most probably not connect with you that way, it's not even their fault, well thought out texts are different from impromptu vocals om a phone. Its superficial, but at the same time, if all you want is to get things off your chest, if you just want an ear, it'll suffice, and that's with the reduced risk of it backfiring.

 

[Forveleth]

No one here is going to call the police to get you put in a pysch hold. I won't use any helpline for this reason. I would much rather come here where the reaction will be "Dude, that sucks" rather than "You have said X phrase that is part of our 'red flags' list and I am now sending the police to your house."

 

[yowai]

On a hotline you have just one person and here you can get many different points of view from multiple people. And for me it's easier to talk by writing, I have time to construct my thoughts, look at the message again to make sure I'm not missing the point or just discard it if writing itself helped me. When I'm talking to someone like a therapist for example my mind blanks out at times and I have no idea what I wanted to say. I called something similar to a suicide hotline once, don't remember what it was, I was just panicked because of a situation in my family and the old guy on phone just asked me some stuff about my life, hobbies etc and after a while said he has to end cause he has another call going in lol. I almost called an actual one for suicide only a few times but was either scared of what might be the consequences or could imagine how the conversation would go and saw no point

 

[SchizoGymnast]

SaSu is generally a taboo-free zone, which makes connection so much more authentic.

 

[needthebus]

With a helpline, they can triangulate your position using cell phone data, and they can determine who you are if your phone isn't prepaid with cash or you are texting or calling friends

So if you call and say something serious, they can find you and locked you up

The helplines also demand you take risk assessment questions, and often you can't refuse to be told the questions, you either hang up or you listen. The risk assessment questions are degrading and it's obvious they are determining whether to send people to lock you up. Fuck them and fuck mental health.

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

Sasu has been much better for me in that people here actually understand. People actually respond here because they want to help you, or offer advice. Suicide hotlines just seem to want money. The couple times I called one, one I went over the time limit on so they hung up on me while I was still crying and hyperventilating, and the other was done by a person who just didn't care. Had the most monotone voice and wanted to get me off the phone as quickly as possible for a raise or something.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

One is completely useless and the other one is the gem of the internet. I'll let you guess which is which ☺