avoid
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- Jul 31, 2023
- 303
Level 1 - a bad day
Level 2 - the suicide jokes
Level 3 - the what if state
Level 4 - the passive suicide
Level 5 - the plan B state
Level 6 - the hidden goodbyes
Level 7 - active suicide attempt
This day sucks, but it's okay. I can deal with this. I know that tomorrow will be a new day. And there are no thoughts of suicide. Maybe just one on a really bad day.
Level 2 - the suicide jokes
I like to make jokes about suicide when I'm feeling overwhelmed. For example, I joke about killing myself because this upcoming task is just too much to take. Suicide doesn't feel like a plan B, more like a plan E or F.
Level 3 - the what if state
The suicide thoughts start to get concerning. They come up more often than I like to admit. It feels like an intrusive interest in dying. I'm having troubling "what if" ideas. For example, what if I try to kill myself. How would I do it? Or I imagine steering onto oncoming traffic, jumping in front of a train, etc. But it's all just a joke … right?
Level 4 - the passive suicide
My actions become more and more risky. For example, I cross the street without checking for traffic. I take longer hikes without preparing or I drive like a manic. Letting go of the steering wheel for a moment. I'm not ready to kill myself but I test fate every now and then. Testing if I deserve to be alive. Also, the growing numbness is concerning me. Therefore, near death experience and suicidal thoughts give me a little rush.
Level 5 - the plan B state
I'm starting to develop if statements. For example, if I don't pass this exam I just kill myself. Suicide becomes a safe harbor for my mind. It comforts me to think about suicide because it helps me to escape shame, responsibility and guilt. But on the other hand I'm feeling more and more disconnected from the world. I stopped fighting the suicidal thoughts and allowed them into my life. I'm dancing with the devil every single day. In this state you are likely to plan your suicide.
Level 6 - the hidden goodbyes
This state can be seen as the last cry for help. But it is a hidden cry. In this state people tend to donate a lot of money or waste it. They can appear generous or manic in their spending behavior. The person drops hints like "if something happens to me please look after my plants, cats and stuff."
Level 7 - active suicide attempt
The point of no return. Every suicide attempt is serious. Sometimes people say "it's just a cry for help." Listen to your own words. It's a cry for help. Actions speak louder than words. If someone is so desperate for help that he tries to kill himself then get some freaking help.
I don't know whether these levels are accurate but I'm interested nonetheless.
Don't pay too much attention to some of the choice of words and examples in the level descriptions. The examples trivializes the seriousness of problems that may push someone to (consider) commit suicide. And the choice of words suggests the author is pro-life. Still, I want to know at what suicide level others are. Perhaps you're on a level not described here. Please tell more.
I'm at level 4: passive suicide. I have no plans to commit suicide but I won't cling to life when I face death, or at least I don't think I will. If I die, I die—so be it.
