Discussion What makes you lose trust immediately in a therapist/doctor?

[wannabeshadow]

For me, it's something which somehow happens very often but basically, some doctors I've seen, sometimes criticise something to make me feel better, by that I mean, I'm very rarely comfortable during an appointment, at first I don't talk much at all. There have been times when a therapist (or a similar kinda doctor) would say "at least you don't keep on talking and talking" in a joking manner, as if they have to deal with harder people. I know they are trying to make me feel "better" but it does the complete opposite, not only are they comfortable enough to diss a type of person during their worktime, to another patient, but who says they wouldn't joke about the type of person I am with someone else? Or what if I actually am a big talker but not yet? I have a lot of trust issues and I'm ngl this worsens it. It might also be the mentality of my area but im really not a fan. That is one example amongst many others, I've heard/seen therapists say/do worse. I'm honestly not the biggest fan of those at all, I mostly see them to get my medication. Anyways, do you have something that immediately breaks your trust or makes you want to leave? Regarding therapist or psychologists, or etc...?

 

[LunarEc]

Threatening you with the idea of getting locked up in a psych ward if you tell them that you're feeling suicidal.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Nothing since it would never occur to me to trust those people from the start since doing so before has resulted in fresh batches of PTSD. They'd have to earn my trust, they often have no chance in doing so.

 

[wannabeshadow]

Threatening you with the idea of getting locked up in a psych ward if you tell them that you're feeling suicidal.

That's a big one for me too, fortunately I haven't had this happened that much but I definitely don't like it.

Nothing since it would never occur to me to trust those people from the start since doing so before has resulted in fresh batches of PTSD. They'd have to earn my trust, they often have no chance in doing so.

That's very unfortunate to hear, it bugs me so much how often people get traumatised because of something/someone that's SUPPOSED to help, that you also put your money and time in. I get where you're coming from. As of right now I barely talk to my current therapist, I only do what is needed to get my prescription.

 

[foreverfalling]

Talking like they know it all and what's best for you. The doctor should be working with me on what the options are and helping me understand the risks and recommendations. Not pushing what they think is best onto me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well my most recent one said it should actually be really easy for me to find a girlfriend because she thought I was very attractive, charming, and charismatic. This bothered me because it makes no sense. If it was really that easy then why wouldn't I have gotten one at all by this point? I hate it when therapists try to purposefully lie and they get praised for it just because they're being positive about their lies.

 

[wannabeshadow]

Talking like they know it all and what's best for you. The doctor should be working with me on what the options are and helping me understand the risks and recommendations. Not pushing what they think is best onto me.

I very much get that, I've mostly encountered those types when I was inpatient, they were so convinced about what they were saying, seemed like it hurt their ego if you would correct them on YOUR OWN feelings :/

Well my most recent one said it should actually be really easy for me to find a girlfriend because she thought I was very attractive, charming, and charismatic. This bothered me because it makes no sense. If it was really that easy then why wouldn't I have gotten one at all by this point? I hate it when therapists try to purposefully lie and they get praised for it just because they're being positive about their lies.

They could be telling the truth, but I think there's definitely a better way to go about it, sometimes it sounds like they're undermining the problem. If they actually were lying then that would suck too, I honestly feel like most of them lie now.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

A lot of things, actually. I am distrustful by nature, and while I can say I have a decent relationship with my therapist, it has never occurred to me to put my trust in anyone with my whole being. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't see any benefit of doing so. Then there's the saying that therapists are not a replacement for real friends, and there's only so much you can get out of a therapeutic relationship with a healthcare provider. Speaking of which, when it comes to the so-called "professionals", they're as predictable as the average Joe gets—when it comes to giving you the same annoying, overused pieces of advice—and it's best not to expect too much from them. Sometimes you might just be better off getting a diploma from Google University and listening to Professor YouTube instead.

Last but not least, when it comes to individual biases, things get even more complicated. My therapist, for instance, is a devout Christian and can sometimes get over-optimistic about healing to the point where it can sometimes seem like she's pushing me towards a goal of forgiveness and eventual reconciliation (with my family). Something which gets on my nerves when I think of the Child that had been "sacrificed" to the "Moloch" that is my parents. (To be fair, when asked about the latter she clarified that that would only be possible after the necessary emotional labour has been done, however long that takes. And for those who are Christian, it will "come naturally" by virtue of your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.) Not only that, we also don't see eye to eye on many issues, such as her being more conservative in terms of spiritual beliefs while I'm more on the liberal side.

So it depends. Because of all the above mentioned factors I almost called it quits on my therapist on a few occasions, but nevertheless made it up within a week. Will see how far it goes.

 

[ramon]

When they don't show up at our agreed meetings.

When they yell at you for anything the they didn't like about your attitude (though you showed a face of contempt for his/her dismissive attitude, you never yelled at them or even touched them).

When their excuses for how their rude treatment towards you are laced with some gas-lighting ("I can see slight signs of passive anger in you").

When they gas-light you even more ("You must have done something to every person who's bullied you your whole life. Tell me more about that").

When they brush you off when you're desperate about finding a solution to emotions you admit you have no control of ("I DON'T KNOW!!!" - While showing you the door)

 

[dontwakemeup]

I don't trust any of them. But when I did use to see a psychiatrist, what I disliked was:
-lack of eye contact
-writing too many notes when I barely said anything
-it always ended in, we should meet 3 times a week
-and I always wondered, what are theu writing, just listen!
I'll never use their services anymore because I've seen enough to know they are all messed up. They are always single and stuck up! I always wanted to ask them, "So tell me, what medication are you taking?" And inform them it will take 4-6 weeks before they see any improvement lol

 

[Pluto]

 

[Electra]

When they say "have you tried going to bed earlier?; have you tried working out?; are you drinking enough water?". Like my boi, are we serious right now?

 

[GlassMoon]

At a probatory session, a therapist said to me: "You don't exactly look like a daredevil.". I sounded somewhat like criticism, but I mostly thought: "You look so buttoned-up yet want to access whether I'm a daredevil?" Well, that line was enough for me and did not come back to that therapist.

 

[SVEN]

When they're reading my notes from a file or computer while talking to me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

They could be telling the truth, but I think there's definitely a better way to go about it, sometimes it sounds like they're undermining the problem. If they actually were lying then that would suck too, I honestly feel like most of them lie now.

It doesn't make sense for it to be the truth otherwise I wouldn't be having that problem in the first place. It would be like going to the dentist if one's teeth were full of cavities and the dentist goes "What do you mean? They look white to me. Maybe you just need braces."

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

When I first tell them I'm diagnosed with bipolar 1, if they don't immediately get a despondent expression like "what the fuck am I getting myself into with this guy," at that point I immediately know they don't have a clue about woking with someone who has bipolar 1. Bipolar people are almost universally suicidal, with up to 70% attempting suicide, and up to 20% succeeding, so an experienced therapist can gloss over the perfunctory suicide talk and jump straight to asking what the plan is and what steps you're taking steps to do it.

When I say that I destroyed my life during a manic episode, a good one understands that it's literally true, my life is completely ruined and a little CBT therapy won't make a dent with problems this severe. A good therapist or doctor will become increasingly sad and hopeless as they talk with me, because they've seen bipolar before before and they know there aren't many happy endings. Anybody who gets enthusiastic about plans to turn my life around doesn't have a clue what they're talking about and they're just talking out their ass.

 

[Namelesa]

When they invalidate what I am feeling and going through and say basic platitudes and advice I have already heard so many times.

 

[quietism]

Bipolar people are almost universally suicidal, with up to 70% attempting suicide, and up to 20% succeeding

According to a 2020 review, lifetime prevalence of suicide attempts for bipolar 1 is 33.9%, and lifetime prevalence of completed suicides is 15-20%.
Miller, Jacob N., and Donald W. Black. "Bipolar disorder and suicide: a review." Current psychiatry reports 22 (2020): 1-10.


Although studies examining suicide rates typically measure in an amount per 100 000 person-years, such as in the following higher quality 2023 systematic review, which finds bipolar disorder has a suicide rate of 237 per 100 000 person-years, compared to schizophrenia at 352.2 and MDD at 534.3. So despite bipolar and bipolar 1 having higher rates, from a clinician's point of view MDD attempts and completions will be more visible.
Fu, Xue-Lei, et al. "Suicide rates among people with serious mental illness: a systematic review and meta-analysis." Psychological medicine 53.2 (2023): 351-361.

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About the thread question: Personally, a red flag for me is that I end up teaching the therapist. Knowing how to validate and be accountable to another person is also not an easy skill, and is usually not a high priority in most psychotherapy.

I'll tell you what accountability looks like: a psychotherapist showing up to hospital to visit you if you're stuck there for an attempt. I'm brought back to reality to understand that virtually never happens in the 21st century. Hotlines on a quick trigger and similar policies are in this sense basically the opposite of accountability, it's like saying, "you are not my responsibility, I can just offload you."

 

[bieatmania]

I hate psychiatrist for prescribing me benzo and anti-psychotics, I think it fucked me permanently. I hate how people pretend it's safer than any of other form of self-medicating/drug use because doctor must knows better.
Japanese therapist I talked to weren't great, they were just listening without providing me with anything. other than the time when I talked about how using LSA as psychedelic are helping me and they immediately told me to stop because "using substance to cope is unhealthy" even though they didn't know what it was.
then I talked to western therapist, they were more reasonable with my drug use and tried to adjust to my situation. but they are not affordable at all.

 

[Kbeau]

When he said there's a "whole world of people just waiting to meet you" as I was battling depression and isolating myself. Bless him, I mean, what's he gonna say, but it was just so cliche, wrong, and kind of insulting to my intelligence. Not that some people wouldn't like me if they met me, but nobody who doesn't know me is just waiting around for that moment!! LMFAO

 

[overcastdays]

A lot of things, actually. I am distrustful by nature, and while I can say I have a decent relationship with my therapist, it has never occurred to me to put my trust in anyone with my whole being. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't see any benefit of doing so. Then there's the saying that therapists are not a replacement for real friends, and there's only so much you can get out of a therapeutic relationship with a healthcare provider. Speaking of which, when it comes to the so-called "professionals", they're as predictable as the average Joe gets—when it comes to giving you the same annoying, overused pieces of advice—and it's best not to expect too much from them. Sometimes you might just be better off getting a diploma from Google University and listening to Professor YouTube instead.

Last but not least, when it comes to individual biases, things get even more complicated. My therapist, for instance, is a devout Christian and can sometimes get over-optimistic about healing to the point where it can sometimes seem like she's pushing me towards a goal of forgiveness and eventual reconciliation (with my family). Something which gets on my nerves when I think of the Child that had been "sacrificed" to the "Moloch" that is my parents. (To be fair, when asked about the latter she clarified that that would only be possible after the necessary emotional labour has been done, however long that takes. And for those who are Christian, it will "come naturally" by virtue of your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.) Not only that, we also don't see eye to eye on many issues, such as her being more conservative in terms of spiritual beliefs while I'm more on the liberal side.

So it depends. Because of all the above mentioned factors I almost called it quits on my therapist on a few occasions, but nevertheless made it up within a week. Will see how far it goes.

I've held similar feelings to this for the longest time, it took like a whole damn year before any even remote amount of progress was made.

Threatening you with the idea of getting locked up in a psych ward if you tell them that you're feeling suicidal.

yup. hard agree with this one. due to where I live, there's just many topics I cannot touch on and as such keep to myself, which is hard because these are often the most pivotal issues that help to contextualize a lot of my behaviors. Particularly with suicide, after having, for whatever reason, said that I wanted to kill myself when I was little, and subsequently being reprimanded for it via religious dogma while also simultaneously being made fun of for it by my dad, I've had an extremely hard time trusting anyone, particularly those I would consider my elders, with that sort of information. I just wish that, by extension, there wasn't this uber-massive taboo in mainstream society about even considering the remotest possibility of suicide, not to mention all the reasons they give you about not doing it like "your life is worth living," or "it's selfish," "permanent solution," "you're going to hell" or whatever other boiler plate statement gets levied against you. It's made me so utterly unwilling to open up about it. One of the reasons I joined this forum lol.

 

[BrazilianShyGuy]

Pay him. I hate the proposal of pay someone to help you, it feels so wrong to me.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Talking like they know it all and what's best for you. The doctor should be working with me on what the options are and helping me understand the risks and recommendations. Not pushing what they think is best onto me.

Exactly this. If a doctor or therapist feels their ego is threatened by a patient brining new knowledge/research to the table, they aren't good at their jobs. Medical staff should constantly be undergoing continuing education and seeking to update their understanding of new findings in the field. Being a know-it-all and unwilling to acknowledge mistakes or areas they aren't strong in is a red flag.

Unfortunately, this meme of "Oh, you used doctor Google huh" is used by medical staff to put down the intelligence of patients or discredit them if you've found something new you want a doctor to investigate or try, or something you're concerned about. After dealing with so many doctors and therapists over the years, I realised how few are humble and want to help, rather than just going through the motions like a typical job and getting you out the door or off the phone as quickly as possible.