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Dead Ghost

Dead Ghost

Mestre del Temps
May 6, 2022
1,346
What stages of your life do you remember well?

Before the age of 2: Only isolated memories without being able to give them an order or continuity in time. I would like to know what happened then because I think that the first stone in the construction of my life is the one that failed outright and conditioned the rest of what would come later. I guess all the fear I have for everything comes from there.

From age 2 to 4: I was afraid of everything, but I was very observant, and I couldn't communicate very well because I didn't know many words. All my thoughts were images, that is, I thought only visually. At the age of two I learned to differentiate between morning and evening, until then there was only day and night.

From 4 to 6 years old: I was very naughty and became somewhat aware of my loneliness. I was also aware of feelings such as shame, anger and envy.

From 7 to 11 years old: I was quite calm and I was already thinking in words. I became aware of the passage of time, first I learned to be aware of what "tomorrow" meant and later of what "yesterday" meant (until then these words only referred to another day). These years were a lesson in emotions that were appearing as my mind developed. At that age OCD appeared (7 years old), I guess the construction of my mind was not as it should be, hehe. Also, at age 10, I had my first anxiety attacks.

From 12 to 27 years old: The worst of my life biologically speaking. It seems that my brain didn't know how to organize itself with adolescence and it was a whole nonsense of senseless emotions that made real pain when I had to reach the final step towards adulthood. I wasn't ready to socialize, it had never mattered before and suddenly it was necessary.

From 28 to 44: I'm reaping the rewards of a poorly constructed life, all waters everywhere. It is evident that from the age of 7 the foundations on which I built my life were not solid at all and that dynamited my future when I reached 40. On the contrary, I have a series of personal resources to face the problems that I could not even dream of in the other stages (but that due to my current limitations I can not use ... when you want you do not know and when you know you can not, hahaha).

I know that from here on there is a very important gift of knowledge that only old age can bring, but I don't think I will ever discover it, either because of the CTB or because my life sinks completely, since I have the foundations very affected... I don't know what will become of me.

The only good thing I have extracted from this experience is to be a spectator of how a person's mind is built from a young age (which I also observed in my schoolmates) and how they interact with their environment to adjust to what suits them best. It is incredible how a simple decision can influence the rest of your life.

//

Quines etapes de la vostra vida recordeu bé?

Abans dels 2 anys: Només records aïllats sense poder-los donar un ordre o continuïtat en el temps. M'agradaría saber que va passar llavors perquè crec que la primera pedra de la construccio de la meva vida es la que va fallar de ple i va condicionar la resta del que vindría després. Suposo que tota la por que tinc per tot ve d'aquí.

Dels 2 als 4 anys: Tenía por de tot, però era molt observador i no em podía comunicar gaire bé perqué no sabía gaires paraules. Tots els meus pensaments eren imatges, es a dir pensava només visualment. Als dos anys vaig aprendre a diferenciar entre matí i tarda, fins llavors només hi havía día i nit.

Dels 4 als 6 anys: Era molt entremaliat i vaig ser conscient d'alguna manera de la meva soletat. També va aparéixer a la meva ment sensacions com la vergonya, la ràbia, l'enveja.

Dels 7 als 11 anys: Era força calmat i ja pensava en paraules. Vaig ser conscient del pas del temps, primer vaig aprendre a ser conscient del que significava "demà" i més tard del que significava "ahír" (fins llavors aquestes paraules només feien referéncia a un altre día). Aquests anys van ser tota una lliçó d'emocions que anaven apareixent segons es desenvolupava la meva ment. A Aquesta edat va aparéixer el TOC (7 anys), suposo que la construcció de la meva ment no va anar com calía, hehe. També, als 10 anys, vaig tenir els meus primers atacs d'ansietat.

Dels 12 als 27 anys: El pitjor de la meva vida biologicament parlant. Dona la sensació que el meu cervell no va saber com organitzar-se amb el tema de l'adolescència i va ser tot un disbarat d'emocions sense sentit que van fer mal de debó quan tenía que arribar al pas final cap a l'etapa adulta. No estava preparat per socialitzar, abans mai havía importat i de cop i volta va ser necessari.

Dels 28 als 44: Estic recollint els fruits d'una vida mal construïda, tot fa aigües per tot arreu. És evident que a partir dels 7 anys els fonaments en que vaig construïr la meva vida no eren gens sòlids i això va dinamitar el meu futur arribats els 40. Per contra tinc una série de recursos personals per fer front als problemes que no podía ni somiar a les altres etapes (però que degut a les meves limitacions actuals no puc fer servir.. quan vols no saps i quan saps no pots, hahaha).

Se que a partir d'aquí hi ha un regal de coneixement molt important que només pot aportar la vellesa, però no crec que l'arribi a descobrir mai, sigui pel CTB o bé perquè la meva vida s'enfonsi del tot, ja que tincs els fonaments molt afectats... no se que serà de mi.

L'únic de bó que he extret d'aquesta vivéncia és ser un espectador de com es construeix la ment d'una persona desde ben petit (i que vaig observar també en els meus companys d'escola) i com interacciona amb el seu entorn per ajustar-se al que mes li convé. Es increïble com pot influenciar una decisió simple per la resta de la teva vida.
 
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Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Visionary
Sep 9, 2018
2,985
I remember very little. I know what happened to me, chronologically, but I don't have very specific memories of being young, for instance. My life started blending together a number of years ago, and once I developed brain fog, that was pretty much it. I now exist in a kind of in-the-moment vacuum. I can pick out only life-defining moments.

As of maybe eight years or so ago, my existence became very drab and monotonous as I've done basically the same thing every day since then. It would appear my brain has kind of shut off in response to the lack of stimulation.
 
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WhiteRabbit

WhiteRabbit

I'm late, i'm late. For a very important date.
Feb 12, 2019
1,469
I have to take a medication that fucks with my cognitive skills, so my memory is pretty shitty. Despite this, I can still remember a bunch of embarrassing things that happened in middle school/high school. Yay.

And like angst filled fuckup, I got sick and have been doing to same old shit every day for the past few years. Everything just blurs together. Nothing to really look forward to.
 
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