What would you do in my situation?

[fsociety]

Hello lovely community!

I try to keep it as short as possible!

Different like a lot of people here I never was depressed or suicidal, in my eyes I had a perfect life, everything was good and I enjoyed life so much!

1/2 year ago everything went down, my (in my eyes) perfect relationship broke up (we lived together for 3 years), then my father died and after that my best childhood friend of 25 years broke our friendship..

Since all of that I am lost.. I never had to deal with hard times or crisis and I am too weak for that because I am not prepared for situations like that, in the past everything went like I want it.. All of that made me taking antidepressants and starting to drink alcohol daily (I never drank in my past, maybe 3,4 times a year with friends). Also I rot every day, just doing nothing because what I've lost made me feel so depressed that I have no motivation or energy for anything.. my head keeps reminding me every second how good life was and what I've lost.. And the circle continues like that.. I tried to meet new girls, I tried to go to the gym again, I tried to meet old friends again, nothing gives me joy or make me feel happy again.. I know I've lost the best things in my life.. You could say, there will be other people in your life, yeah sure, but special ones don't just drop from the sky.. it's not that easy..

What things are left: I'm a male nurse and in my job a lot of patients admire and love me, even my boss treats me like one of her child.. I have a beautiful 3 room apartment. I have 2 friends which I know since 20 and 15 years.. one of them even bought a bicycle so that we can go mountainbiking. He also messages me every other day with lovely messages that he hopes I feel good and that the bad times will fade away in the future.. But I'm too depressed to do something with them and go out.. that one friend I've lost was special.. I have a brother who is always there for me when I need it and a mother who listens to all my shit.. also some day I will get the half of the house my mom lives in which is about half a million worth.. good requirement right? But it doesn't feel enough for me..

I've watched a lot of videos about people who are blind, paralyzed or disabled, at the beginning it made me feel thankful to live a healthy life because I think everyone of those would trade their life in a second.. But lately it doesn't give me any relieve.. Pain and suffering is individual and it doesn't matter if other people has it worse..

So, at the moment and the last months I'm suicidal, thinking I had a good life and don't want to suffer for the rest of it.. Quitting when you know you've had it good.. I'm only 1/2 into suffering but I can't take it anymore some days.. I always need extreme distraction to not think about what I've had and what I've lost.. At the moment I'm thinking it's just a matter of time till I get more and more depressed that survival instinct does not work anymore..

What would you do in my situation?

By the way, I'm thankful for everyone reading this and taking its time to answer!

 

[Linda]

I suggest you (1) throw yourself into your work for a while, (2) get out a bit and meet some new people; (3) get off the alcohol and the antidepressants - they may do you more harm than good.
If you haven't experienced adversity before, then meeting it for the first time can be hard. That's why a cousin of mine hung herself. Her father (my uncle) was a successful businessman, and she was brought up in a wealthy household. Then the business went broke. She had no idea how to cope with being less than wealthy. My uncle, on the other hand, had been brought up in poverty and only became wealthy later in life, so the thought of returning to a more modest lifestyle didn't bother him. He had coped with much worse before.
You will get through this and you will emerge stronger. Don't give up.

 

[Zazacosta]

Hello enjoy92,

I read whole your post. I am sorry, I cannot write that short also as you.
I assume that your situation is very bad, but definitelly not hopeless!
Lets summarize that a little bit.

1) You have a job. And it seems that you like your job!
2) You have at least some friends, and those friends care about you!
3) You have where to live!
4) You have mother and brother.

Those are posititive things.
Now negative things.

1) You are suicidal (at least currently).
2) You are depressed
3) Without energy to do anything.
4) You drink a lot of alcohol.
5) You are without a motivation and your life is circling.

What I think might help you:

1) Take a break from your work. Tell them that you are in very difficult personal situation and you need to take a break for recover. Maybe 2 weeks could help? I do not know.

2) Use this break to travel for example, or do some new things. If you can try travelling, I do not where you live and what you liked in your life. But you can visit Paris, or New York, or Milano or Rio... Or any other city where is something you would like to visit. You can try also to visit some sport matches or concerts or something what can lift your mood up. You need to try some new things. Something that would end the circling in your mind.

3) Stay away from girls. Do not rush into any new relationship immediatelly after you broke your last. It always hurts. Your mind will see the girl which broke your relationship in every girl you meet. Do not watch into girls eyes, at least for a month or two. Do not talk to girls so much. Try to not hurt your heart again in this difficult time. Somebody could say that this method is really weird, but this is something which always helped me in my life, after I was hurt by a girl...

4) Also stay away from alcohol. This is important one. While it may seems that alcohol help you to forgot everything, it is greedy devil which takes more and more and never gives the same amount of pleasure back. If you do not stop drinking alcohol, after some years it will make a mental wreck from you. I heard about o lot of guys who started to drink alcohol after relationship failure or divorce and they never ended well. By the way I am also right now just about to divorce (after 8 years), and the first thing I would like to totally avoid right now is alcohol. I drank only 1 beer in the last month. Especially what makes alcohol dangerous is that alcohol and antidepressants are very dangerous combination.

5) I suggest for you to continue with antidepressants. Maybe you will need to experiment with your doctor a little bit, which antidepressants will work best for you, because there are quite big differences between all the types of antidepressants, but I believe that antidepressants can stabilize your mood after a while nad return you back to your life after some time. And after you recover, you can stop them, maybe after a year or two. Time is the best doctor. Antidepressants are just a little small help that stabilize your mood and make you less sad and less prone to sadness.

6) After all of this, like @ Linda said, "throw yourself into your work for a while". This is really good advise. Take a brake for a while, and then throw yourself to work, take some extra shifts or something like that. Work will keep your mind occupied with different subjects and help you to recover fastly. This will also help you to stop thinking about shits in your life and end the circling. (By the way I planning the same).

7) After all of this, I think you could be able to do some activity with your friends, go out, try to meet new people and so on.
But do not come always back to places you liked with your girl. Try to do something new. Have you ever played table tennis? Have you trained in karate gym? Have you ever taken a course in painting? I hope you understand what I mean.

After all of this.

1) Your girl who left you. 3 years? Fuck that. Time is the best doctor you can recover from this. It is painful, I know this. 3 Years is not the entire life and you start again some day with somebody again. Take your time. Do not rush things. When you will be ready, you will know that. If you rush things, you can hurt yourself even more.
Apparently it was not so perfect relationship if she left you. It is hard what I will write now, but there must be some mistake in your relatonship if you broke up. No relationship is perfect, but if she left you after 3 years, maybe she was not the right one.

2) Your dad. This will never cure. He will stay in your mind forever. Time will help you understand this more, but you will always think about him, especially if you loved him.

3) Childhood friend? No friendship lasts forever. It is also painful, but I bet that if you try do new things with new people and especially if you recover from your relationship failure, you will meet more friends some day. This is something what time can cure very well.

Good luck with your recover.
You are not alone to all of this.
And the things which you wrote here make me believe that you want to recover, you will recover, and you will find your way to swim over this sea full of shits.

I am sorry for the long post, I wrote that I am able to write short posts

 

[steppenwolf]

Is the dog in your profile pic still with you? That's one awesome doggo, man. Spend more time with the dog. Or find another one if he's moved on. Chasing girls isn't going to help. They're only after one thing.

 

[Lonelyhotcake]

It may sound negative but try to focus on the negative things you lost with the people who leaved you. Something like: "My ex never liked my jokes" and then "I can find a relationship where my partner laughts to my jokes". Same with your friend.

 

[tankapi]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You've gone through a lot of grief and loss. People don't get it unless they've experienced it themselves. Consider joining a support group for grief? Even though it doesn't change what has happened, it can be a big relief to openly talk about your pain with other people who genuinely understand.

Talk to the healthcare provider that is prescribing your antidepressants about how you're feeling, and about your alcohol abuse. Antidepressants don't always work on the first try. It's normal to have to try a few, and to adjust the dosage, before they really give you relief.

Take care.

 

[SecretAgent420]

Hello lovely community!

I try to keep it as short as possible!

Different like a lot of people here I never was depressed or suicidal, in my eyes I had a perfect life, everything was good and I enjoyed life so much!

1/2 year ago everything went down, my (in my eyes) perfect relationship broke up (we lived together for 3 years), then my father died and after that my best childhood friend of 25 years broke our friendship..

Since all of that I am lost.. I never had to deal with hard times or crisis and I am too weak for that because I am not prepared for situations like that, in the past everything went like I want it.. All of that made me taking antidepressants and starting to drink alcohol daily (I never drank in my past, maybe 3,4 times a year with friends). Also I rot every day, just doing nothing because what I've lost made me feel so depressed that I have no motivation or energy for anything.. my head keeps reminding me every second how good life was and what I've lost.. And the circle continues like that.. I tried to meet new girls, I tried to go to the gym again, I tried to meet old friends again, nothing gives me joy or make me feel happy again.. I know I've lost the best things in my life.. You could say, there will be other people in your life, yeah sure, but special ones don't just drop from the sky.. it's not that easy..

What things are left: I'm a male nurse and in my job a lot of patients admire and love me, even my boss treats me like one of her child.. I have a beautiful 3 room apartment. I have 2 friends which I know since 20 and 15 years.. one of them even bought a bicycle so that we can go mountainbiking. He also messages me every other day with lovely messages that he hopes I feel good and that the bad times will fade away in the future.. But I'm too depressed to do something with them and go out.. that one friend I've lost was special.. I have a brother who is always there for me when I need it and a mother who listens to all my shit.. also some day I will get the half of the house my mom lives in which is about half a million worth.. good requirement right? But it doesn't feel enough for me..

I've watched a lot of videos about people who are blind, paralyzed or disabled, at the beginning it made me feel thankful to live a healthy life because I think everyone of those would trade their life in a second.. But lately it doesn't give me any relieve.. Pain and suffering is individual and it doesn't matter if other people has it worse..

So, at the moment and the last months I'm suicidal, thinking I had a good life and don't want to suffer for the rest of it.. Quitting when you know you've had it good.. I'm only 1/2 into suffering but I can't take it anymore some days.. I always need extreme distraction to not think about what I've had and what I've lost.. At the moment I'm thinking it's just a matter of time till I get more and more depressed that survival instinct does not work anymore..

What would you do in my situation?

By the way, I'm thankful for everyone reading this and taking its time to answer!

Hello lovely community!

I try to keep it as short as possible!

Different like a lot of people here I never was depressed or suicidal, in my eyes I had a perfect life, everything was good and I enjoyed life so much!

1/2 year ago everything went down, my (in my eyes) perfect relationship broke up (we lived together for 3 years), then my father died and after that my best childhood friend of 25 years broke our friendship..

Since all of that I am lost.. I never had to deal with hard times or crisis and I am too weak for that because I am not prepared for situations like that, in the past everything went like I want it.. All of that made me taking antidepressants and starting to drink alcohol daily (I never drank in my past, maybe 3,4 times a year with friends). Also I rot every day, just doing nothing because what I've lost made me feel so depressed that I have no motivation or energy for anything.. my head keeps reminding me every second how good life was and what I've lost.. And the circle continues like that.. I tried to meet new girls, I tried to go to the gym again, I tried to meet old friends again, nothing gives me joy or make me feel happy again.. I know I've lost the best things in my life.. You could say, there will be other people in your life, yeah sure, but special ones don't just drop from the sky.. it's not that easy..

What things are left: I'm a male nurse and in my job a lot of patients admire and love me, even my boss treats me like one of her child.. I have a beautiful 3 room apartment. I have 2 friends which I know since 20 and 15 years.. one of them even bought a bicycle so that we can go mountainbiking. He also messages me every other day with lovely messages that he hopes I feel good and that the bad times will fade away in the future.. But I'm too depressed to do something with them and go out.. that one friend I've lost was special.. I have a brother who is always there for me when I need it and a mother who listens to all my shit.. also some day I will get the half of the house my mom lives in which is about half a million worth.. good requirement right? But it doesn't feel enough for me..

I've watched a lot of videos about people who are blind, paralyzed or disabled, at the beginning it made me feel thankful to live a healthy life because I think everyone of those would trade their life in a second.. But lately it doesn't give me any relieve.. Pain and suffering is individual and it doesn't matter if other people has it worse..

So, at the moment and the last months I'm suicidal, thinking I had a good life and don't want to suffer for the rest of it.. Quitting when you know you've had it good.. I'm only 1/2 into suffering but I can't take it anymore some days.. I always need extreme distraction to not think about what I've had and what I've lost.. At the moment I'm thinking it's just a matter of time till I get more and more depressed that survival instinct does not work anymore..

What would you do in my situation?

By the way, I'm thankful for everyone reading this and taking its time to answer!

Whats up man, I'm 34 year old man here and depressed too but I think you and I have something in common and that is that we suffer from situational depression. What does that mean you ask? Well it means we don't have a chronic chemical imbalance in our brains, we do not suffer from clinical illnesses like PTSD ADHD or whatever other ones. We just so happen to be going through a really shitty time in our lives. I read your post and since you asked what would we do then what I would do is hang on tight. You said you have a beautiful 3 bedroom apartment a job and supporting couple of friends and family.

Let's look at your issues here for a second, your dad died and my condolences to you but guess what, we are supposed to go through that to outlive our parents. Yes it sucks but that is the cycle of life, I have both my parents but I know it is a matter of time before I would have to say goodbye to them. Let's move on to your friend who passed away, my condolences again because it is hard to find true friends but as long as you have a couple of people you can count on even if it is just 1 or 2 I think you should feel lucky, there is plenty of people who have nobody they can trust or count on.

It really seems like the biggest blow to you is your ex breaking up with you, let me ask you did you have kids with her? If the answer is no than dude you are golden I get you loved her and I get that it is very possible she left you for someone else I know you did not say that but I know women, most of the time they don't leave someone until they are sure they have someone else, just like a monkey on a tree does not let a branch go until it has grabbed another branch. My advice would be to focus on yourself for now, workout even if you do not feel like it just shut up and workout, exercising increases your self esteem. Also do not look for other chicks just yet dude you are obviously heartbroken still so you are in no way ready to make good choices you are just not in a good mental stage, you do not want a shitty relationship.
I say ride it out, you are most likely going to find another woman just take care of yourself first otherwise you won't attract shit.
I would also advise to listen to old country music, even if you don't like it, Johnny Paycheck is an excellent choice. I used to not like country but those old timers like paycheck had the lyrics that relate to my marriage issues. Yes I have issues with my marriage and it's killing me in case you wanted to know, I hope you find hope my dude feeling suicidal is the worse feeling I've ever experienced.

 

[Onelegman]

I'll tell you what I would do, as you ask.

Now that things haven't evolved much yet, that the monster hasn't become as strong as in many of us, ask for help, all possible, family, friends and above all, professionals. With luck, a little therapy and some medication will be able to get you out of the hole, you haven't sunk completely yet, you have your arms out of the water and you can grab onto a rope, but to do that, you have to ask for it.

I hope you can overcome it, keep your spirits up.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Whats up man, I'm 34 year old man here and depressed too but I think you and I have something in common and that is that we suffer from situational depression.

How do you cope with suicide not being an option for you? Are you prepared to endure the pain and torture associated with the inevitable thousands of more times situational depression is going to present itself over the next couple decades?