Help What would you do?

[Felodese]

I acctually used to like my shrink. It took me a very long time to get there but I finally started trusting him.
Now everything has gone downhill very fast:

• He was rude and abusive (in my opinion - he disagrees) during one session where I started dissociating
• When I mentioned it later he first denied it alltogether, then made it about me avoiding my acctual issues and "resisting" therapy
• He refuses to acknowledge that he might have done something wrong or apologise - in fact he tells me it would be harmfull to do so as it would confirm my belief that I have been misstreated
• When I tell him this has damaged my trust in him and his methods, he claims trust is not important in CBT therapy - if I don't like it, I can just leave

Since starting therapy my anxiety has gone through the roof, I've started self-harming, I feel like I'm about to break, and I constantly think of dying. This is apparently as it should be, according to my shrink.

My options now seem to be:

• Just suck it all up and stay with my current shrink
• Go through the lengthy process of trying to find another shrink; starting over from scratch with that person; risk having equaly bad or worse experiences
• Give up

I really feel like my time is running out cause I am just getting older, getting worse, I don't have any reason to live, depression has taken everything from me, and I don't have the strength to just fight on for the sake of fighting.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

I cant give you any reliable advice, but if it was just one bad session with a therapist you liked up until now you might want to consider staying a bit longer before making a decision? If it has been affecting you negatively over weeks or months there is no point in continuing, it should be helping you in life.

He was rude and abusive (in my opinion - he disagrees) during one session where I started dissociating

then made it about me avoiding my acctual issues and "resisting" therapy

I've been told that CBT is built around attempting to make the patient feel like they have agency to face their problems by themselves. His goal probably wasn't to make you feel better in the moment, but to logically walk you through your experiences and help you identify ways you could respond to it in the future. To him you dissociating would have been the opposite.

It sounds like a bad experience though, I'm sorry that happened.

 

[Felodese]

if it was just one bad session with a therapist you liked up until now you might want to consider staying a bit longer before making a decision? If it has been affecting you negatively over weeks or months there is no point in continuing, it should be helping you in life.

It's been a month.

His goal probably wasn't to make you feel better in the moment, but to logically walk you through your experiences and help you identify ways you could respond to it in the future. To him you dissociating would have been the opposite.

I started dissociating because of my anxiety and he started berating me for it - which made it worse. I shut down more and he grew more abusive. He didn't help me break the dissociation. I'm not even sure he realized that's what it was. He seemed to take it as defiance or something.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

He sounds like a textbook abusive therapist imo. Been through it, heard countless of stories about it. Nothing is ever their fault, but must be a part of the client's "pathology" and a simple "I'm sorry" would hurt their fragile little egos beyond repair.

He refuses to be held accountable and apologize, gaslights (your feeling of having been mistreated is struck off as a "belief" that's not supposed to be "confirmed") you, uses DARVO "I did nothing wrong, you did by resisting therapy and avoiding your actual issues". And straight up lies. Afaik it's pretty much agreed on nowadays that it doesn't matter which modality you're using as it's the quality of your alliance with the therapist that fosters healing. How are you supposed to have an alliance with someone you don't trust, especially someone who makes no effort for that to happen either?

I'd get out. This isn't going to be a one time thing. He's proved himself untrustworthy. As for the other options, you don't have to decide right away. Take your time - as much as you need - to think and feel about the situation; do you want a therapist? Would the process of finding one be worth it?

 

[Felodese]

He sounds like a textbook abusive therapist imo. Been through it, heard countless of stories about it. Nothing is ever their fault, but must be a part of the client's "pathology" and a simple "I'm sorry" would hurt their fragile little egos beyond repair.

He refuses to be held accountable and apologize, gaslights (your feeling of having been mistreated is struck off as a "belief" that's not supposed to be "confirmed") you, uses DARVO "I did nothing wrong, you did by resisting therapy and avoiding your actual issues". And straight up lies. Afaik it's pretty much agreed on nowadays that it doesn't matter which modality you're using as it's the quality of your alliance with the therapist that fosters healing. How are you supposed to have an alliance with someone you don't trust, especially someone who makes no effort for that to happen either?

I'd get out. This isn't going to be a one time thing. He's proved himself untrustworthy. As for the other options, you don't have to decide right away. Take your time - as much as you need - to think and feel about the situation; do you want a therapist? Would the process of finding one be worth it?

Thanks for making me feel like it's not just me being crazy.

I wanted therapy, cause the meds aren't enough. But I don't know if I it in me to start the whole thing over again.
The more I think about it just want to give up and ctb.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Thanks for making me feel like it's not just me being crazy.

I wanted therapy, cause the meds aren't enough. But I don't know if I it in me to start the whole thing over again.
The more I think about it just want to give up and ctb.

That's okay. Therapy is a tool, not the tool. There are lots of things you can do yourself. And if you don't feel like it right now, you could always wait a bit, maybe you'd feel better about it once you've had some time to digest the experience.