Discussion What's stopping you from ctb?

[Anhaedra]

For me personally, I don't want to attempt ctb for several reasons. Most important reason is my family; Ive very loving parents and siblings, and it would destroy them if I do it. The other reasons are that I don't really have a method, as SN is kinda impossible for me to get where I live. Even if I found a suitable method, I'd be too afraid that something would go wrong and I end up in a worse place than before, or if I failed and my family find out, they could put me in a psych ward.
What about you guys? Whats keeping you alive till now?

 

[lack]

cowardice, mostly

 

[waterbed]

the eternal "what if" question, what if life gets good, what if this or this works out, what if other people will ctb because i did, what if i fail and end up paralysed from the neck down. stuff like that

 

[Anhaedra]

cowardice, mostly

It's a really scary thing to do, so its understandable.

the eternal "what if" question, what if life gets good, what if this or this works out, what if other people will ctb because i did, what if i fail and end up paralysed from the neck down. stuff like that

Things will never get better for me, I've been suffering for a very long time and it never got better nor I got used to it. It's only logical for me to ctb, but I don't have resolve to do it.

 

[shouldbedirt]

the eternal "what if" question, what if life gets good, what if this or this works out, what if other people will ctb because i did, what if i fail and end up paralysed from the neck down. stuff like that

It's mostly this for me too. Terrified of failure and terrified of missing out on things getting better, no matter how unlikely.

 

[LostLily]

Hurting people for my actions

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

Being indecisive about rather I want to do it, and afraid that once I start building the exit bag, it will fail.

 

[ALonelyFreak]

Fear of death and I just really don't like dying

 

[EyeBeyond]

Im tooo scared to do this

 

[resteasy3232]

family, my cat, being scared to ctb, guilt, still hoping it can get better

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally only continue to suffer in this existence as I'm cruelly denied the option to just painlessly cease existing in peace to escape from this existence I always saw as a terrible, tragic mistake in the first place. It's just horrific to me how humans cannot just choose to be euthanised even know this existence was forced in the first place and as well as that there is literally no limit as to how much agony one can feel in this existence I always saw as so futile that just leads to decay and death anyway, I find it horrifying how trying to die can go wrong and lead to way more torture and agony.

I suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to die painlessly in a guaranteed way and never exist ever again, existence truly is an abomination to me and I have no interest in suffering in this meaningless existence just to risk experiencing way worse agony at any moment. For me non-existence truly is all that's desirable, I'd always prefer to painlessly die than be enslaved in this torturous, harmful existence just to face the extreme torture of old age, it's just so terrible to me how there's no acceptance towards wanting death instead of suffering in this existence, I'd never wish to be conscious in this existence no matter what and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all.

 

[SVEN]

Caring for those who have to depend on me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can't access/do most suicide methods due to my personal circumstances. I can't get SN due to me being stuck with overprotective parents, I can't do hanging because my autistic brain is incapable of understanding how to tie knots, I can't jump as I don't have a place near me where I can jump from. Theoretically speaking, the only suicide method that I can do is drowning but I'd have to run away from home for me to even get a chance at this. Of course this is immensely scary for me since running away from home will always be scary due to its nature and how it's like. Additionally, I am also scared of my attempt potentially failing due to somebody seeing me and "saving" (more like brutally prolonging) my life. Also, I've yet to understand how to actually drown myself. People say that it's such a simple method to execute but I personally can't figure out how to do it.

All in all, it's a mixture of not being able to access most suicide methods as well as being scared of failing the only suicide method that I could potentially do and also not fully understanding how to do said suicide method.

If I had SN and an anti emetic and a place to do it where I wouldn't get caught by anybody, I would have been gone a long time ago. I know this is a bold claim as there are people here who said the same thing before they got their SN to then stay alive after they got their SN but I believe that the amount of rage and determination within me to get out of existence would 100% make me use SN. However, I'm not privileged enough for that method unfortunately

 

[divinemistress36]

Fear of failure

 

[Valhala]

Only that there might still be a possibility to reconcile with my ex-partner, the only woman I truly loved.

 

[RiverOfLife]

I have a dog to take care of. Things aren't quite bad enough yet. And I need a good method. I just got SN, but I need AEs.

 

[Epilogue]

Just my family and a bunch of stuff I've yet to do. Honestly, 95% of that is family.

I'm fucked up. There's no changing me and I'm okay with that. But I don't want my parents to be sad. That's it. If they died, I'd be on my way in a month or so. Really don't want others to be hurt for what I do.

Sometimes I wish that everyone forgot that I exist. Would make things so much easier.

 

[NotSalmon]

For me personally, I don't want to attempt ctb for several reasons. Most important reason is my family; Ive very loving parents and siblings, and it would destroy them if I do it. The other reasons are that I don't really have a method, as SN is kinda impossible for me to get where I live. Even if I found a suitable method, I'd be too afraid that something would go wrong and I end up in a worse place than before, or if I failed and my family find out, they could put me in a psych ward.
What about you guys? Whats keeping you alive till now?

failing and having a fate worse than death itself, being found by those who shouldn't find me, not feeling ready yet, still waiting for my ideal CTB date to hit, etc. etc. etc.

 

[tbh2023]

I can't access/do most suicide methods due to my personal circumstances. I can't get SN due to me being stuck with overprotective parents, I can't do hanging because my autistic brain is incapable of understanding how to tie knots, I can't jump as I don't have a place near me where I can jump from. Theoretically speaking, the only suicide method that I can do is drowning but I'd have to run away from home for me to even get a chance at this. Of course this is immensely scary for me since running away from home will always be scary due to its nature and how it's like. Additionally, I am also scared of my attempt potentially failing due to somebody seeing me and "saving" (more like brutally prolonging) my life. Also, I've yet to understand how to actually drown myself. People say that it's such a simple method to execute but I personally can't figure out how to do it.

All in all, it's a mixture of not being able to access most suicide methods as well as being scared of failing the only suicide method that I could potentially do and also not fully understanding how to do said suicide method.

If I had SN and an anti emetic and a place to do it where I wouldn't get caught by anybody, I would have been gone a long time ago. I know this is a bold claim as there are people here who said the same thing before they got their SN to then stay alive after they got their SN but I believe that the amount of rage and determination within me to get out of existence would 100% make me use SN. However, I'm not privileged enough for that method unfortunately

I have sn I'm just waiting for the right time.