To those who have all their supplies and materials at hand: what's stopping you? Have you set a specific date? Are you worried that when the date comes, you will put it off? Is the sense of security keeping you alive?
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Jon86
Specialist
- Apr 9, 2018
- 369
Guilt (love my family)
No shame or fear of living homeless doped out of my mind. I've grown pretty resilient/indifferent to the suffering of life, i've lived it for 20 years straight.
* What is death? there's really no appeal it besides escaping life. It's just nothingness, I accept death but it's not something I desire.
No shame or fear of living homeless doped out of my mind. I've grown pretty resilient/indifferent to the suffering of life, i've lived it for 20 years straight.
* What is death? there's really no appeal it besides escaping life. It's just nothingness, I accept death but it's not something I desire.
We are similar in that regard
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
Family. I'm waiting til I think they'll suffer least, and balancing the pain vs guilt I feel.
The materials are ironically my sense of security.
I can live life more freely until I decide it is time
The materials are ironically my sense of security.
I can live life more freely until I decide it is time
Sinbad
Self-Annihilation is loading...95%
- Nov 27, 2018
- 542
The guilt of hurting my family kept me alive.. but no more.. Just waiting for my last salary, end of December.
Xerxes
Invisible
- Nov 8, 2018
- 936
I love my wife, I'm afraid she may do herself in if I CTB. She's already had a suicide in her life from someone close to her. Me leaving would be devastating. I have to make sure that she's really really hates me and not be passive aggressive about it.
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
You know, she can be glad youre gone, for at least 1 positive reason, without hating you
Jodes
Enlightened
- Nov 23, 2018
- 1,261
If she can let you know she accepts your death, at least accept that it will relieve your suffering and she helped by giving you peace of mind. She will look back with less regret
Herbalpompano75
I loved her
- Dec 1, 2018
- 33
I'm scared of what will come after I'm scared I'll still be suffering and I'm scared I'll have to watch the love of my life marry the other man and I'll be in pain forever or to find out we could of had a life together to figure things out after cheating on me and that I gave up to early and now it's all gone
Fyrinne
Four of a Kind
- Aug 11, 2018
- 67
Pain. Depression. The chance of failure and ending up in another mental hospital.
I just want a gun so I can end it for sure, quick and almost guaranteed. I can't take this anymore.
I just want a gun so I can end it for sure, quick and almost guaranteed. I can't take this anymore.
Very simply. My mom. She watched my dad die infront of her eyes and had to raise three children as a single parent. She's had a tough life and I think killing myself would be too much for her.
I want to die, am ready to die, so much so that it is a logically simple problem for me. I'm not attached to my own life, I'm indifferent about being alive. But in my heart I believe she doesn't deserve the pain of my death more than than I deserve the right to die.
This sounds horrible but I hope she dies soon, only because it will free me from this burden of sticking around for her sake.
I want to die, am ready to die, so much so that it is a logically simple problem for me. I'm not attached to my own life, I'm indifferent about being alive. But in my heart I believe she doesn't deserve the pain of my death more than than I deserve the right to die.
This sounds horrible but I hope she dies soon, only because it will free me from this burden of sticking around for her sake.
Trashcan
Trash
- Aug 31, 2018
- 1,234
Many things. I'll do it once I know I'll be able to overcome the survival instinct. Will also have to fast for at least 8 hours so if the exit bag doesn't work, I can OD on SN.
Amira
Student
- Nov 15, 2018
- 180
The fear that i will fail
DariaBuPL
Can't take all of this anymore
- Nov 30, 2018
- 27
On the first place, it was my grandma. I didn't want her to suffer because of my death, so I wanted to wait for her first. But after a while I realized, that it will take too long, so I cancelled that.
Then I just wanted to wait till July to meet my friend that I made in the internet. We noticed eachother for three years and I was very excited about finally seeing him. But now I don't even care about that, because even this is too long for me.
For now, I just want to spend my last Christmas with my whole family before I go. Hug them and say how much I love them for the last time. After that, just wait for the date I chosen and hope not to fail, because I am scared of it too.
Then I just wanted to wait till July to meet my friend that I made in the internet. We noticed eachother for three years and I was very excited about finally seeing him. But now I don't even care about that, because even this is too long for me.
For now, I just want to spend my last Christmas with my whole family before I go. Hug them and say how much I love them for the last time. After that, just wait for the date I chosen and hope not to fail, because I am scared of it too.
Fear of failure and living with family makes it so much more difficult. Really wish I lived alone.
The only reason is that i think my dad will commit suicide if i do. My mother is tough and could take it but my dad is too emotional and both his parents died recently so if i do this i think it would completely crush him. I want to do it now but this shit bothers me a lot.
I'm overseas right now and am supposed to be looking for work. I'm probably going to fly back home soon without telling my family and then ctb in a hotel room in a city that's an hour away from where my family lives. Why? Because it costs north of $10,000 to retrieve a dead family member's body from overseas, and I don't want my family to have to pay that.
I'm currently trying to save money for my casket and burial, so family doesn't have to spend on it. They have already spent plenty of money on me. Also waiting for a time when I can be sure I won't be found too early and it won't be my grandmother that finds me. I don't want her to find my corpse and have heart attack. I already have materials and could basically ctb tonight, but if my grandmother finds me... It would be a horrible thing to do to her, and she doesn't deserve it. My death is my own responsibility.
The survival instinct and also if it doesnt work what will i do then. If the one thing you know will end your suffering fails then you stuck, at the minute i have the safety of being able to CTB if that goes ill have to continue like this and thats really scary
Knight Artorias
Carter
- Dec 3, 2018
- 27
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope I'll find happiness someday. I'm not sure how or when it'll come but I'm hoping it will. I'm also trying my best to reach my happiness by any means I can. I'm just holding on for a bit longer.
That's a good mindset man. I admire your will to exhaust all options.
the survival instinct that holds me back every time
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
Scared of what might be on the other side, what if it's more punishment etc, survival instinct.
I don't know but it's so tempting to try to go through with it today :(" I'm feeling pretty rotten.
You're so much more considerate than me lol! It is good to consider that though.
The thought that it'll get better. I've been at lows like this at other times in my life and the problems resolved themselves.. but this time I think I dug too deep of a hole that I can't get out of might as well make it my grave.
Knight Artorias
Carter
- Dec 3, 2018
- 27
Thanks for saying so. I try my best to be positive and hope for the best.
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,073
Knight Artorias
Carter
- Dec 3, 2018
- 27
The urge to make a "Dead Carla" joke...no offense intended. I'm just a AOT fan.
I've failed enough attempts that I've learned this is not something I can force myself to do, so I stopped trying. When my day comes, I'll know.
