When was the last time u SH and what did you use?

[Blue&Grey]

I am curious about when people use to self harm so i can get new insights - If you are comfortable with sharing :

When was the last time you self harmed and why? Do you keep track on an app?

What object/s you use and how you decided apron using that object/s?

How does it make you feel?

My responses :

I self harmed a few days ago i want to start using an app to track it i stopped for a while when i was in a relationship but since then sometimes i do it. I normally do it when i start to think a lot or am very sad. Recently i try taking some pills so i don't do it to often again.

I use needles , I used a razon once before and it like felt like it electrocuted me and i never really used it since but maybe i go back to it, but needles i like them i only have one and yes i do use it more times don't worry never got an infection or anything my body is ok but its hard to acquire here in the UK back in Spain and Romania its easy but in the UK they don't give them to you.

It stops me thinking. I think if I went deeper I would probs feel more relaxed but right now its ok i still have marks and for me i only like doing it on the left side of my body anyone else share that or something similar ?

As well do you think that depending on how deep you go you mentally more fucked up i remember back in the day some years ago someone told me like you don't go that deep and it kinda hurt back then have you experienced that? Do you believe in deeper means something?

This is my first ever post thank you for reading this far and i hope your day is not that terrible if it is please try do something to make it better, eat some junk food or game or something else.

 

[avalokitesvara]

When was the last time you self harmed and why? Do you keep track on an app?

A couple of weeks ago. I don't keep track on an app. I do it pretty seldom and can remember the incidents of all of my scars. I had a spate of SHing about once a week in October/November. Before that I hadn't done it in about 8 years. I first started when I was 13/14 so nearly 20 years ago.

What object/s you use and how you decided apron using that object/s?

Razor, accessible, sharp. I used to prefer broken glass. I'm not particularly bothered about certain categories like styro/beans, I just want to satisfy the vision I have in my mind. The pain's not important, it's the wound itself and the blood I'm interested in. Sometimes a razor hurts, sometimes it doesn't.

How does it make you feel?

I feel satisfied and peaceful, fuzzy, a little high, relaxed. The urge to do it is fulfilled, normally I feel very distressed and agitated with a strong urge to cut before, so it's a similar feeling to satisfying an addiction maybe. Sometimes I feel numb before then more alive afterwards, sometimes I feel too much before then numb afterwards. I think I prefer the numb feeling. I enjoy looking at the wounds and the blood. I always have very specific visions of what I want to do and where, so it pleases me to make that come true. I like observing the healing process, caring for the wound, and watching the scar form. I like knowing they will be on my body forever. I usually prefer cutting left side too, that's funny. My right arm is my only scar-free limb.

Sometimes I feel instinctive SI if the cut is deep or looks like it might get infected and get a bit scared. Recently I cut kind of deep compared to what I usually do and got a bit lightheaded. Mostly I like feeling like I'm violating some life-affirming principal. It makes me feel like I'm moving towards being dead, going against the force and logic of life. I like seeing wounds and blood on me, looking like a corpse in a way. I really really like seeing blood flowing. It's better when I'm not eating, too.

I haven't had the urge for several weeks and probably won't SH now again for a long time. I've added to my "collection" and had experiences that felt satisfying, so I'm good for now. It's definitely not a habit or compulsion, but a very deliberate act for me. When I cut for the first time recently after 8 years it took several days of the urge growing until I decided I wanted to stop resisting and do it. I'm glad I did.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The last time I SHed was on Sunday and I used a small boxcutter/utility knife to do it. I only gave myself some catscratches on my right thigh since that is all I can get away with for now since my mom is aware of my SH. I hate it because I want to try cutting deeper again but now I have to plan it out carefully to avoid getting caught.

 

[mattoman]

I guess I passively (or well, kinda actively) sh. I usually just drink or do other shit to make my life worse. Ie get in bad relationships or gamble or whatever. I once tried cutting, wasn't my thing. I hated the scars that luckily weren't too deep and it wasn't really my thing anyway.

 

[Namelesa]

Last time I self harmed was on Sunday when I felt intense guilt about some of the thoughts I have and so cut myself to punish myself for having those thoughts. I don't really keep track of it cus for me I don't care about stopping it as I don't mind having scars. I also do it to relieve anxiety, emptiness or other intense emotional pain.

I use a blade which I took out of a razor so that it is more effective. I like doing deeper cuts to make scars to show others that I am in pain and lighter ones to cause more of a stinging pain that lasts a while to distract and get through the painful emotions as well as relax.

 

[johnthefishermann]

For me, the last time I cut myself was Saturday. I cut myself because I can't properly deal with my emotions. Cutting myself helps me feel numb and makes it so I don't have to worry about the emotional mess in my head. Last saturday was a particularly bad day, and I'd already had a pretty shitty week, so I broke down and cut myself. I used a stanley knife.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's very rare that I self harm. It probably is self harm though- because it hurts! The last time was literally maybe two years ago. I whacked my head with a piece of wood! For me, It's mostly because I've done something utterly stupid (usually work related) and I'm furious with myself. It was sort of a relief to do it but then, I just got a headache (and a lump on my head.)

I try to resist the urge to hit and slap myself in the face quite a bit. It's never gone much further than that though. I'm actually very squemish so, cutting is out. If I hurt myself accidentally though, there's a weird part of me that enjoys the expression of feeling pain as an outward expression of some of the upset inside.

I'm guessing that's why it is a relief for people. I feel like I can understand the feelings behind it but I'm not sure it would help me in the long-run if I got into it. Like anything really- alcohol, drugs. I reckon I'd just get addicted. I'm sort of lucky maybe also that my predominant unhappy emotion isn't usually intense enough to crave it. Most of the time, I'm just exceedingly fed up!