i wish I could pinpoint an exact moment, but i can't.
however, I used to watch a lot of horror movies when I was a kid, and besides the killing and jumpscares, wouldn't be surprised if there was some suicide in there too. I had like, unlimited internet access since I was really little, but when I was about 7-9 I started learning about a lot of stuff on the internet, like the lgbt community and mental health. i started to say I was depressed around those ages, (although I really wasn't, I was probably quite sad and traumatized though) and since then I think ive been obsessed with the idea of dying and how it would affect others around me. I remember I used to fake suicide with my online boyfriend when I was a tween, and I just got really bad from then on.