My mom's domerstic violence turned my life in a torture chamber. Ruined my life irreversibly.
My mom fattened me which led to severe bullying at school.
I never took drugs which was one of the best decision of my life but it was influenced by the way I was raised. People with drug induced psychosis are even more stigmatized and they are blamed for their failure. I would have tortured me every single second for it. (I have genes for psychosis). I even torture me for way less. I can instead blame my mom, the violence and the bullying which gives sympathy extra points from strangers which are worth completely nothing. But I am obsessed what people think of me.
I think me getting this psychosis led to a stronger friendship with my friends. I opened up about very personal stuff and I was very vulnerable in front of them. Beforehand we did not actually know each other. Our bond of frienship got stronger as a group. Soon before my first psychosis (the thoughts were probably pathological) I thought I would have to end all my friendships to further my career. Lmao. I thought I need more career oriented "friends". Again massive lmao, I think I have top 1% friends. I think without my psychosis I would have lost them. Under certain scenarioa my first psychosis could have errupted later. For the prognosis many say that iwould be better. I had my psychosis at school which was good. If it happened at college I think my friends would have moved on after I had ignored them. There is at least something positive in this living nightmare.
Two therapists gave me up which strenghtened my belief that I am a hopeless case. However, one of them was a catastrophe as therapist and one barely knew my case. Not the details. It left very deep scars though and led to my hesitation to open up in front of therapists.
I did not jump of the 7th stock of this building and I did not try partial more after it felt like my head would explode. I think both is pretty good that I did not go through with it. 7th stock is way too risky. There was a boy at the ground. It would have been either traumatic or even dangerous for him - or even both. But there were more reasons for not to do it. I think I could have gotten brain damage from partial. I did not knew shit. I am glad I stopped it.
I found Sanctioned Suicide. It stopped me from stupid attempts to end my life which would have caused permanent damage. I am comforted by the community. It eases my loneliness. It helps me to cope with my manic symptoms. I found useful resources in case I want to end my life and in case extreme pain I can claim my right for a death with dignity. I think I would not have been able to stomach the torture at college this long without SaSu. After my therapists gave me up I felt so lonely and SaSu helped. And it also helped my friends because I have a very high need to express myself.
I ordered SN (and receivced it) after another love delusion. It could lead to my death. It feels like an empowerment but also a little bit scary.
What about you? There are probably more but I am exhausted.
My mom fattened me which led to severe bullying at school.
I never took drugs which was one of the best decision of my life but it was influenced by the way I was raised. People with drug induced psychosis are even more stigmatized and they are blamed for their failure. I would have tortured me every single second for it. (I have genes for psychosis). I even torture me for way less. I can instead blame my mom, the violence and the bullying which gives sympathy extra points from strangers which are worth completely nothing. But I am obsessed what people think of me.
I think me getting this psychosis led to a stronger friendship with my friends. I opened up about very personal stuff and I was very vulnerable in front of them. Beforehand we did not actually know each other. Our bond of frienship got stronger as a group. Soon before my first psychosis (the thoughts were probably pathological) I thought I would have to end all my friendships to further my career. Lmao. I thought I need more career oriented "friends". Again massive lmao, I think I have top 1% friends. I think without my psychosis I would have lost them. Under certain scenarioa my first psychosis could have errupted later. For the prognosis many say that iwould be better. I had my psychosis at school which was good. If it happened at college I think my friends would have moved on after I had ignored them. There is at least something positive in this living nightmare.
Two therapists gave me up which strenghtened my belief that I am a hopeless case. However, one of them was a catastrophe as therapist and one barely knew my case. Not the details. It left very deep scars though and led to my hesitation to open up in front of therapists.
I did not jump of the 7th stock of this building and I did not try partial more after it felt like my head would explode. I think both is pretty good that I did not go through with it. 7th stock is way too risky. There was a boy at the ground. It would have been either traumatic or even dangerous for him - or even both. But there were more reasons for not to do it. I think I could have gotten brain damage from partial. I did not knew shit. I am glad I stopped it.
I found Sanctioned Suicide. It stopped me from stupid attempts to end my life which would have caused permanent damage. I am comforted by the community. It eases my loneliness. It helps me to cope with my manic symptoms. I found useful resources in case I want to end my life and in case extreme pain I can claim my right for a death with dignity. I think I would not have been able to stomach the torture at college this long without SaSu. After my therapists gave me up I felt so lonely and SaSu helped. And it also helped my friends because I have a very high need to express myself.
I ordered SN (and receivced it) after another love delusion. It could lead to my death. It feels like an empowerment but also a little bit scary.
What about you? There are probably more but I am exhausted.
