Discussion Which would you prefer? A relationship with elements of abuse and/ or neglect or, staying alone? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

What do you think? Do you or would you prefer to have a relationship with someone. Even if they could be abusive/ neglectful on occassion or, do you/ would you prefer to be single?

Personally, I'd prefer no relationship or even friendship to a bad one but I'm curious to hear your thoughts. I guess it depends on the level of abuse perhaps... Personally though, I don't think I could be bothered with tolerating any shit!

I've decided to break the poll up... Maybe it will make a difference on how we think. Hopefully it will make sense when you read it all...

 

[Darkover]

One of the primary reasons someone might view an abusive relationship as preferable to being alone is the human need for companionship. Relationships, even unhealthy ones, can provide a sense of connection and intimacy that solitary life may seem to lack. For many, the idea of facing life's challenges alone can be daunting and emotionally taxing. In an abusive relationship, despite the toxicity, there is often an illusion of connection, which can sometimes be perceived as better than facing the void of loneliness. The fear of isolation and the inherent desire to be with someone, even under less-than-ideal conditions, can make enduring an abusive relationship seem like the lesser evil.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Grass is always greener. I've never had a relationship before so my naive self would rather have one even if there is an element of abuse or neglect to it. Honestly with how shitty of a person I am, I'm more likely to end up being the abusive or neglectful one somehow anyway so I guess it's still a win for me. Not for the other person though, I pity them if they ever end up existing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'd rather stay alone. Dealing with people is exhausting. Dealing with abusive people is even more exhausting

 

[Pluto]

 

[lovelesslifeless]

One of the primary reasons someone might view an abusive relationship as preferable to being alone is the human need for companionship. Relationships, even unhealthy ones, can provide a sense of connection and intimacy that solitary life may seem to lack. For many, the idea of facing life's challenges alone can be daunting and emotionally taxing. In an abusive relationship, despite the toxicity, there is often an illusion of connection, which can sometimes be perceived as better than facing the void of loneliness. The fear of isolation and the inherent desire to be with someone, even under less-than-ideal conditions, can make enduring an abusive relationship seem like the lesser evil.

For some people I wouldn't say it's a ''need'' for companionship, I think it's just hard to survive in this world without a partner financially. Being poor is what makes most people feel trapped and a lot of people are forced to stay in an abusive relationship for this reason. But having a wealth of deep and meaningful connections and support systems can be just as beneficial as being rich in this society imo.

 

[Marine]

I'm pretty sure they're the same thing, an abusive / neglectful relationship isn't a true bond.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Been celibate for two years after way too many abusive relationships and I don't intend to change that. Even though there were a couple of good ones too, those experiences was enough to permanently discourage me from dating. It doesn't help that my brain is deeply attracted to abusive traits either.

 

[devils~advocate]

I'd stay single over being abused/neglected sometimes. (I've had relationships.)
Everyone is different & can tolerate things that others won't....But Ive been thru two marriages that had affairs, emotional abuse, etc
They are not worth putting up with for any amount of time.

First one ended because my spouse was being increasingly distant and spending a lot of time with their friends (which were toxic).
They ended up wanting to leave for someone else they had met & made a connection with. This was devastating to me.
They got married to the person they left for only to get divorced several years later. I found out from a blog that my ex-spouse started all because of that....pining over this other person. That was hurtful to know that....that they were pining over this relationship that ended, but no mention of ours.

Second one, my spouse had issues with emotional abuse towards me & others. Trying to make me feel guilty about things....things they wanted to do, disagreements, etc. I guess deep down they can't help to use emotional manipulation against others.
I was already a depressed person from my previous relationship, so none of that helped.
Like the first one, this spouse had extramarital issues with others as well. I caught them having an online affair with someone they knew from Facebook.
They were involved in sending nude photos and of their privates, video of them masturbating, love letters, etc.
I couldn't believe it...we had just went thru the process of trying to have a child & this happened right after that.
Since then I have pulled myself away from them emotionally....its been 12 years now.

I would not ctb if these were my reality:

A) Loving & positive minded spouse but with no children. Emphasis on 'Positive'...a person that believes in 'glass half full' mentality, that sees the good in everything. This is a lot to ask from of someone...to be more positive than yourself. But if someone who is this way & agrees to be with you even though you are not positive, I would definitely stick around.

B) Having a child in my life (married or not). This might not be an issue for some. But I would stick around if I had a child in my life. I would feel like there is someone to live for until they get to adulthood.


But none of these are possible now...too much time has passed & I am beyond the timeline for changing any of this.

My advice, never stay with anyone that shows any signs of abuse (emotional & certainly not physical), personality issues that you can't tolerate, cheating, etc etc
You may think you can tolerate things from others or you might can change them...this will never happen.
So it is best to move on and find someone else that is more compatible OR be single.
Believe me, my life living with relationships Ive had, has been a sort of torture hell.

 

[ramon]

Many of the books I've read on counter-manipulation, negotiation tactics, lie detection, and Neurolinguistic Programming Language (NLP) showed me how most of my partners, classmates, roommates, relatives, and other acquaintances have abused me; and how I could have turned their manipulation attempts upon themselves.

While the best thing one can do about an abusive relationship is to stay away from it, exposing yourself to these mental parasites WITH THE RIGHT KNOWLEDGE ON HOW TO HANDLE THEM can be an opportunity to learn more about others and yourself, specially.

Don't tell me you never found yourself in an unwanted situation in which you were in desperate need of something from someone you knew you had to avoid from the get go!

 

[Valhala]

There is no honest interpersonal foundation because of (even occasional) elements of abuse or neglect. But even so, I'm always in favor of a relationship and not loneliness. For me, loneliness is the hardest, but the problem is that I only love one woman and I'm not interested in any other.