Anarchy
Invisible anarchist
- Jul 9, 2018
- 383
I often wonder who the people are who kill themselves so spontaneously. You know the ones I'm talking about - the ones who do it with so little hesitation that they make it seem almost nonchalent.
I could have been one of them, I think. I always felt comforted and excited by the thought of stepping in front of a moving vehicle, at one point: no fear whatsoever. At that point, my thought processes were more along the lines of "Wouldn't it be cool if I jumped now" rather than "I'm going to do it".
My theory, is that the more you try to mentally prepare for your death, the more hesitant you will be to do it.
I always used to think of those people as having gone through the greatest suffering imaginable and not coping at all, and having been through the whole preparing-for-your-death practice, and thinking about backing out but finding enough resolve to do it unhesitantly, due to their suffering.
But now that I think about it, maybe those people didn't go through the most suffering they could have. Maybe their suicidal thoughts were a lot less 'advanced' than those of people on this forum. Maybe they were vague thoughts of not wanting to be here, and because they didn't try to prepare, they didn't even have to accept their death. Maybe they were more near the beginning of the 'slippery slope' of depression, and their thoughts were a lot less debilitating, and that's why they were able to do it.
I think, that maybe it can be too hard to accept one's own death, and so the maybe the best thing to do is to accept that it can't be accepted and stop trying to mentally prepare so much.
Fear is a strong instinct and is really hard to overcome; I've been trying to overcome it but it seems illogical now...better to accept that the fear is unescapable and cross that bridge when it comes to it. Easier said than done.
I could have been one of them, I think. I always felt comforted and excited by the thought of stepping in front of a moving vehicle, at one point: no fear whatsoever. At that point, my thought processes were more along the lines of "Wouldn't it be cool if I jumped now" rather than "I'm going to do it".
My theory, is that the more you try to mentally prepare for your death, the more hesitant you will be to do it.
I always used to think of those people as having gone through the greatest suffering imaginable and not coping at all, and having been through the whole preparing-for-your-death practice, and thinking about backing out but finding enough resolve to do it unhesitantly, due to their suffering.
But now that I think about it, maybe those people didn't go through the most suffering they could have. Maybe their suicidal thoughts were a lot less 'advanced' than those of people on this forum. Maybe they were vague thoughts of not wanting to be here, and because they didn't try to prepare, they didn't even have to accept their death. Maybe they were more near the beginning of the 'slippery slope' of depression, and their thoughts were a lot less debilitating, and that's why they were able to do it.
I think, that maybe it can be too hard to accept one's own death, and so the maybe the best thing to do is to accept that it can't be accepted and stop trying to mentally prepare so much.
Fear is a strong instinct and is really hard to overcome; I've been trying to overcome it but it seems illogical now...better to accept that the fear is unescapable and cross that bridge when it comes to it. Easier said than done.