My gf left me 2 months ago. I finally got a decent job after graduating with a good degree and everything was looking ok but now it's all meaningless because I have nobody anymore. She was everything to me and now she's gone and hates me. I'm so scared and don't want to die but I don't want to live without her.
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attheend13
Student
- Oct 1, 2023
- 195
I'm sorry you feel so alone. If I may though, you are in a rough patch. It will likely pass. Don't make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions. I've been in a depression for a few decades. Every breath is painful. It's people like me who need to ctb. Because it's truly hopeless. I think you're expressing true sorrow but you need time to grieve. 2 months isn't long for that process. I wish you well whatever your choices.
Thank you. I was always lonely and had suicidal thoughts for years before but we were together for 6 years straight but now I'm back to how I was before. I do completely understand what you mean but I've known her for over 7 years and she's been my best friend that entire time. We were each other's firsts for everything and I even if I could go on without her I don't want to. I don't have any other friends or anything - if it weren't for her I probably would have ctb a long time ago. I am fairly sure I have undiagnosed BPD.
Also I am so sorry about how you feel. I really hope things are able to get better for you one day :(
attheend13
Student
- Oct 1, 2023
- 195
Please understand I'm not minimizing your pain in any way. I know that losing love is devastating. I'm in a relationship rn and I know he has changed his feelings because I'm a loser and I want to ctb before he kicks me out . Losing the last chance for love is the last straw for me. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was hospitalized for depression. I spent 2 years in psychiatric wards and institutions. In fact it's my cut up arms in the textbooks next to bpd. They took me downstairs and shot pictures didn't even ask me. Lab rats don't have rights or choices.
All I wanted to say was that I know how deeply lonely life is and losing someone you loved so long is just horrible. But your life isn't over. Give yourself time to heal. If you decide after that to ctb, I will only wish you peace on your journey. It took me a long time to be sure. Dozens of failed attempts at ctb and at life. I'm at the end.
mattoman
Member
- Nov 26, 2024
- 90
Yes, I am as well.
Sorry to hear about what you're going through, I cannot relate, but I don't doubt it being tough.
I'm quite happy with my life, I have a job, friends, a decently caring family. But, I suffer from gambling addiction, it's gotten better, but has gotten me in a lot of debt and most of my paycheck goes to rent and to pay those debts off. It's not really any life. I'm alive, but it sucks that I can't do anything because I've got no money. I know that some might think "it's just money" but it's somewhat important to possess in this society. No one really to blame but myself for putting myself in this situation. It's relatively small thing but it really gets me down and sometimes I have issues buying food. Honestly work is the only place I don't need to think about this, but once I'm off, the anxiety kicks in and it's terrible.
Sorry to hear about what you're going through, I cannot relate, but I don't doubt it being tough.
I'm quite happy with my life, I have a job, friends, a decently caring family. But, I suffer from gambling addiction, it's gotten better, but has gotten me in a lot of debt and most of my paycheck goes to rent and to pay those debts off. It's not really any life. I'm alive, but it sucks that I can't do anything because I've got no money. I know that some might think "it's just money" but it's somewhat important to possess in this society. No one really to blame but myself for putting myself in this situation. It's relatively small thing but it really gets me down and sometimes I have issues buying food. Honestly work is the only place I don't need to think about this, but once I'm off, the anxiety kicks in and it's terrible.
Meee. I have perfect life, perfect friends , perfect family, perfect pet, hobbies.
The only thing they expect of me was do ok in school/ college .
And I failed a sem soo.
Im gonna miss so much.
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
The only thing they expect of me was do ok in school/ college .
And I failed a sem soo.
Im gonna miss so much.
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
Im gonna miss so much.
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
Im gonna miss so much.
I wanna grow up with my bff,
Graduate
Have those small moments with my family
See what my life will be like
But I can't
And it's all my fault
I suffer from a big failure in life. I would like to live my life and I don't wanna die but the circumstances make me suicidal.
Sorry to everyone I didn't yet respond to. I am glad so many people can relate and am so sorry at the same time. Thank you to everyone who replied.
Reflection
Arcanist
- Sep 12, 2024
- 407
I'm in a similar predicament. It's been one year and three months since she left and no it hasn't gotten better and I don't think it ever will. I almost faced death back in October but couldn't actually do it. I also still cannot fathom how people think doing this to others is just like any Tuesday and leave them to deal with the whole burden themselves, and I never will.
I was k not happy but ok until something happened in 2023. I can't talk about it but I can't live anymore.
That pretty much sums up my exact feelings. One day she was saying we can call each other and play a game when she gets home and the day after she ends a 6 year relationship just like that. I will also never understand how anyone ever gets over something like this. It's only been 3 months for me so far but the feeling has not faded one bit.
yowai
Specialist
- Aug 28, 2024
- 336
I was happy only for a short while because I met someone and was in love then being with that person kinda ruined me lol cause they got me into drugs and shitty lifestyle and it's gotten worse and worse since then
I dont have anyone, so life is meaningless... If i had someone when i was in my 20s my life would have been very different...
Autumn_Stars
Member
- Jun 9, 2024
- 81
I had everything. Four year scholarship. Career. Friends. Rented house, Car. Side business. Boyfriend. Four years ago I was off my medication trying to get pregnant. I flared with my autoimmune disease and was diagnosed with bipolar. I lost everything except my IRA. In and out of psych wards. Humiliation. Pain. Hopelessness. Dependent on others. No longer interested in art writing or reading. Difficulty typing and writing.
Reflection
Arcanist
- Sep 12, 2024
- 407
From the experiences I've heard a lot of people just become desensitized to it, and I think that's one thing that leads people to start treating others more like expandable objects which even if I could get over the stage where I'm at is something I would never want to do because I see love more than just fulfilling needs from the other person.
I also don't know if the pain will fade or not, I certainly hope things turn for the better because it just sucks when you really want to love and yet have this giant fire in the middle ruining everything. I personally have only made it so far because I still have a hope that she might reconsider.
ForgiveMeFriends
Death is the purest form of atonement.
- Jan 2, 2025
- 21
Probably a very typical answer, but alcohol. I had great circumstances, I was a lovely person with friends and somewhat of a future.
But when l started binge drinking for a while 2-3x a week and tried to get off the wagon afterwards?
Everything started going to shit. I've become a worse person despite my best efforts, I'm disappointing everyone l've ever known and l swear, l can feel their disappointment and breathing down my fucking neck. All of them. One by one, they're leaving my life, all for understandable reasons.
I now have nothing to show for the years I've lived on this earth, no medals, little to no hobbies and zero significant contributions to society. Every effort is starting to feel more and more in vain, and now I'm being pushed to the edge by my depression.
But when l started binge drinking for a while 2-3x a week and tried to get off the wagon afterwards?
Everything started going to shit. I've become a worse person despite my best efforts, I'm disappointing everyone l've ever known and l swear, l can feel their disappointment and breathing down my fucking neck. All of them. One by one, they're leaving my life, all for understandable reasons.
I now have nothing to show for the years I've lived on this earth, no medals, little to no hobbies and zero significant contributions to society. Every effort is starting to feel more and more in vain, and now I'm being pushed to the edge by my depression.
Surai
Experienced
- Mar 26, 2024
- 265
I have had opportunities, but the reason is i find to be me not fit for this life. I am not fit for this life and so I dont want to be a part of it any longer
