Venting Why can’t I do it

[flutebloom]

I get so close to it and I even write notes and then when it comes to it I can't do it because it's uncomfortable.

I've been trying partial suspension but the rope seems to be too thin. I don't have any money or a job because of my mental illness. I'm so tortured I want to die but I can't. The pain is unbearable I don't know what to do.

 

[bipolar22]

Thicker rope. Wrape shirt or towel around it. Rope without padding hurts me too very much.
Welcome to the club. I have no money or job either.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand finding it painful to exist, I also find it torturous to suffer in this existence and I'm sorry you have to suffer. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[flutebloom]

Thicker rope. Wrape shirt or towel around it. Rope without padding hurts me too very much.
Welcome to the club. I have no money or job either.

I don't have the money to buy a thicker rope I literally have nothing. And my parents know I'm suicidal so they're watching what I do. I'll try the wrapping a shirt around it

 

[bipolar22]

I don't have the money to buy a thicker rope I literally have nothing. And my parents know I'm suicidal so they're watching what I do. I'll try the wrapping a shirt around it

Yes try with alot of padding. You can even use a sweatshirt for more comfiness.
Otherwise you can shoplift one. I did that agter my eviction without money just took it ans walked out. Nothing to loose anyway

 

[AllAloneAndSad]

SI is horrible. Since I have chosen the exit bag, I hope to have my hands zip locked and can't get out. But to each their own. SI is horrible

 

[bipolar22]

SI is horrible. Since I have chosen the exit bag, I hope to have my hands zip locked and can't get out. But to each their own. SI is horrible

It is. But 10 mg lorezepam it's almost gone. Takes all my fears and anxiety. I really don't care. All my benzo high attempts I never felt Si. Booze on the other hand makes it worse for me. Almost killed myself with my gf in the other room few weeks ago. Didn't mean to just wanted to test the setup. But I leaned in the noose too hard and the pullup bar slipped from the wall and I banged my head and broke the mirror. Woke up gf asked me what happen and I told her I must have fallen asleep somehow? Benzos is the shit. There was no si ans I have high SI and I'm a chicken shit. Benzoa is what u need

 

[AllAloneAndSad]

It is. But 10 mg lorezepam it's almost gone. Takes all my fears and anxiety. I really don't care. All my benzo high attempts I never felt Si. Booze on the other hand makes it worse for me

I was answering @flutebloom regarding the SI

 

[bipolar22]

I was answering @flutebloom regarding the SI

Don't know who that is. Premium advice regardless.
Hey yall wanna ziplock your hands more power to you. I'm not here to judge

 

[AllAloneAndSad]

Sorry mate. The only way I can get not let SI get to me (which it will) is to ziplock one hand to the chair; pull the bag down and then ziplock my other hand. That is what I practiced and plan to do in 30 seconds.

 

[bipolar22]

Sorry mate. The only way I can get not let SI get to me (which it will) is to ziplock one hand to the chair; pull the bag down and then ziplock my other hand. That is what I practiced and plan to do in 30 seconds.

That's fine. I wanna go out and make it an act of freedom. Being free from this system that kept me retrained and fucked. And I want it to be comfortable and in my full control. But that's just me. But if it's the only way for you then yeah why not. Whatever it takes. You're working towards your goal. As I said no judgement.

 

[flutebloom]

What sucks is I don't really want to die. I feel like I've been driven to suicide by the mental health system. I got prescribed an antipsychotic injection that lasts in your system for months and I took it thinking it would help and I had a horrible reaction to it. Now I have no choice but to die because every living moment is complete agony.

 

[bipolar22]

What sucks is I don't really want to die. I feel like I've been driven to suicide by the mental health system. I got prescribed an antipsychotic injection that lasts in your system for months and I took it thinking it would help and I had a horrible reaction to it. Now I have no choice but to die because every living moment is complete agony.

Anyway to get off that poison. Change doctors? Ask current doctor to switch meds if they make you so misserable?

 

[flutebloom]

Anyway to get off that poison. Change doctors? Ask current doctor to switch meds if they make you so misserable?

Yes I changed doctors but there's no way to remove it from the system. I'm completely fucked. I feel like God has decided my fate for me because I didn't have the right mind to know what was best for me.

 

[bipolar22]

It Works for some months. You think you can stick it out till it has left your system?
You stated you don't really wanna die.
So just trying to explore all the options here with you. Maybe there's a med that can help to counteract some of the worst side effects. Benadryl seems to counteract antipsychotics as far as i heard. At least with haloperidol. dont know if it would work in your case.
Just spittballing. I'm not a medical person.

 

[flutebloom]

It Works for some months. You think you can stick it out till it has left your system?
You stated you don't really wanna die.
So just trying to explore all the options here with you. Maybe there's a med that can help to counteract some of the worst side effects. Benadryl seems to counteract antipsychotics as far as i heard. At least with haloperidol. dont know if it would work in your case.
Just spittballing. I'm not a medical person.

Yeah. It sucks it's really complicated feelings. I don't really want to die but my mental illness is schizophrenia and the psychosis is hard to deal with. I took the med but it's giving me unbearable side effects and like horrifying bodily feelings. So as it's leaving my system there's no telling what my symptoms will do and I don't want to stick around to find out. So it's like yes I don't want to die I've just kind of been dealt a bad hand in life. If I could go back to a chill life I would but it's just not possible. I don't have the strength to handle what's been given to me. It just feels horrible cause it feels like I failed at something and the consequence is death. It feels evil.

 

[bipolar22]

Yeah. It sucks it's really complicated feelings. I don't really want to die but my mental illness is schizophrenia and the psychosis is hard to deal with. I took the med but it's giving me unbearable side effects and like horrifying bodily feelings. So as it's leaving my system there's no telling what my symptoms will do and I don't want to stick around to find out. So it's like yes I don't want to die I've just kind of been dealt a bad hand in life. If I could go back to a chill life I would but it's just not possible. I don't have the strength to handle what's been given to me. It just feels horrible cause it feels like I failed at something and the consequence is death. It feels evil.

I have no advice. Maybe cbt is the only way out if you suffer with and without the meds. That's your choice of course.
Heartbreaking to hear that they can't come up with ways to treat poeple with these kind of illness in a way that improves their quality of life. My heart goes out to you

 

[flutebloom]

I have no advice. Maybe cbt is the only way out if you suffer with and without the meds. That's your choice of course.
Heartbreaking to hear that they can't come up with ways to treat poeple with these kind of illness in a way that improves their quality of life. My heart goes out to you

Thank you. It is awful. I'm desperately searching for a painless method that will work. I have no money so I can't buy a gun or a gas tank. All I have is a thin rope that I have to hide from the people I live with until I can find a way to use it properly. Thank you for the sweatshirt idea I think it will help.