Venting Why can't i find happines?

[BalsamicVinegar]

Hi I'm really confused right now ive been trying so hard to improve my life and I've made massive progress yet i still feel so sad and i don't know why. I just wanted to dump some thoughts and if god bless you would take the time to read them and suggest where i might be going right or wrong it would be great.

Over the past 2 years I've made so much progress, improving my lifestyle, mental health and life prospects yet im still plagued with low self esteem, anxiety and loneliness.

But I can interact with people fine, I'm a likeable person, attractive, i have money and status and stability that far exceeds what i should have. I have great friends and a loving family. But, i feel like i don't belong they all feel so distant the only time i really love and express myself is when I'm drinking. Maybe new friends would help but i don't know how?

Unfortunately my mental state is in a wreck from anxiety and I feel an inevitability that im going to end it at some point if not soon while I'm in one of my increasingly frequent manic states which leaves my questioning why i keep living. Due to my line of work i can't fully express myself in therapy so im grasping at straws trying to find a stable state of mind.

Im so confused and im scared Ill do something rash and uncalculated that will make my situation even worse. I know i can find happiness but i don't know if i will or of this is all worth it.

Thanks if you took the time to read it and thanks again if you can make anything out of it. Any provocative ideas would be good if you want to make a discussion out of it pm me.

 

[timf]

Much of our impression of the world comes from TV and movies. As a result, we frequently come to have an over emphasized consumer perspective. This can lead us to think that happiness is found in what we can buy, what we can do, or what we can achieve. There are other elements of life that can provide a deep satisfaction fulfillment, and even happiness. These are usually found when we give of ourselves for the benefit of someone else.

One can see a little of this with the love a father or mother can have for their children. The love a wife has in taking care of her husband or a husband has in providing for his wife also show the selflessness that can be a source of deep satisfaction. As you make your own life work better, you might experiment with things like volunteer work to see if you can find a way to also make the lives of others better as well.