Discussion Why do family only want to help when...

[fkyou]

Why do people (family) only want to "help" when you're on your last straw? When nothing matters to you anymore than exiting the shithole they call your life?..when you have more to lose than gain from continuing living on shambles of traumatic memories?why did they only see us when we gave up and not when we were trying so hard

 

[Regen]

That's true. In my family, they can't imagine what it feels like to be chronically mentally ill because their own reality is completely different.

I am so sorry you feel bad with your family. I wish you could find someone who see you and who help you!

I'm highly functional in many things and they don't understand that I don't enjoy the things I do. And they don't understand why I have so little drive and they judge me for it.

My parents never wanted to accept that I was seriously ill, they don't want to see the truth. They simply always denied it. At times they couldn't avoid having me go to therapy, but they also talked themselves into it. Maybe they see it as a failure and they don't want to see their daughter as a failure. Maybe they don't want to see it because otherwise they would have to deal with what went wrong in my childhood and what part they as parents played in it. But they definitely don't want to look at that guilt.

It hurts not to be seen as who I am. It was like that even as a child. I feel guilt and shame that I can't meet my parents' expectations. Even though I know it's wrong to think like that. I'm ashamed that I'm mentally ill. For people who have a temporary episode of depression and who lead a normal life before and after, there is certainly understanding and help in society, but not for those with chronic illnesses.

That's why I like being on SaSu (even though I'm not currently having active suicidal thoughts), because here I feel like I'm among like-minded people and I don't always feel like I'm the one who's different. I know what it's like when life hurts so much that you can't go on living.

In the future, I'd like to find one or two people in real life who I don't have to hide from.

 

[CogitoMori]

I'm going through the same thing. I was working full time, doing all the house chores, got the bills paid ahead of time, and had a little bit of savings, all while my partner was applying for disability. I could feel burnout coming on and started asking him for help with some of the lighter chores. He said no to basically everything, and the last thing I could think of was laundry, because you just use the machines and can sit and watch tv while you fold it. He said no to that too, and our relationship severely declined after I started asking for help, to the point that he started hurting me. I was happy for the first and only time in my life, and I asked for help from multiple people in a desperate plea to keep that happiness, but there is no help. Nobody will ever help. I thought my lesson was to learn to ask for and accept help, but my dumbass should've learned by now that if you can't do everything yourself, you might as well be dead. I'm not worth anything once people can't use me. When I was happy I was delusional with false hope. I should've stuck to reality, which is the same as misery.

 

[Nadienobody]

My family ignored my problems since I was a kid, I was a very good student and very good at sports but it was obvious that there was something wrong with me. Now as an adult I'm completely useless, I live with extreme anxiety for any stupid basic task, I have no social skills or friends or anything, my professional life is ruined, I have no future and I still have to pretend that I'm fine. I shouldn't blame them but they are part of the reason I am the way I am.

 

[fkyou]

My parents never wanted to accept that I was seriously ill, they don't want to see the truth. They simply always denied it. At times they couldn't avoid having me go to therapy, but they also talked themselves into it. Maybe they see it as a failure and they don't want to see their daughter as a failure. Maybe they don't want to see it because otherwise they would have to deal with what went wrong in my childhood and what part they as parents played in it. But they definitely don't want to look at that guilt.

Thank you..Your story is like mine..they also didn't wanna bother with me in the beginning.. honestly I myself didn't care about this mental illness because it was the last thing I needed in my stupid life..so I didn't try hard..for a lot of reasons I didn't try ..some of them are: hope: I didn't believe this is curable..i thought I was doomed..second: motivation: my previous lifestyle wasn't something I admired, since childhood I was a depressed kid,I felt depressed sad anxious unsafe throughout my teenager hood,never liked the society/community I lived with.so to me it was like:what ami going back to? a life I hated with passion,a life i felt disgusted by.a life that I couldn't change or improve..my feelings of anger towards certain "unchangeable" parts of my life made me resentful and therefore I didn't give af..none of the things they could say or do to me would matter because I lost trust in these people..they were no longer my loving parents or older siblings that I looked at with respect..but now that I gave up they noticed and want me to try doctors..what they don't know is these feelings of mine..that I can't stand this place..that I can't stand them..and my "leaving" will be my own healing.. otherwise my mind and eyes will always remind me of "what could have been". That even if I got treatment and become 100% fine I'll still ctb because I came back to a life I hated, because I can't stand them.

 

[Regen]

Thank you..Your story is like mine..they also didn't wanna bother with me in the beginning.. honestly I myself didn't care about this mental illness because it was the last thing I needed in my stupid life..so I didn't try hard..for a lot of reasons I didn't try ..some of them are: hope: I didn't believe this is curable..i thought I was doomed..second: motivation: my previous lifestyle wasn't something I admired, since childhood I was a depressed kid,I felt depressed sad anxious unsafe throughout my teenager hood,never liked the society/community I lived with.so to me it was like:what ami going back to? a life I hated with passion,a life i felt disgusted by.a life that I couldn't change or improve..my feelings of anger towards certain "unchangeable" parts of my life made me resentful and therefore I didn't give af..none of the things they could say or do to me would matter because I lost trust in these people..they were no longer my loving parents or older siblings that I looked at with respect..but now that I gave up they noticed and want me to try doctors..what they don't know is these feelings of mine..that I can't stand this place..that I can't stand them..and my "leaving" will be my own healing.. otherwise my mind and eyes will always remind me of "what could have been". That even if I got treatment and become 100% fine I'll still ctb because I came back to a life I hated, because I can't stand them.

It sounds like walking away would be a good option. But have you ever tried leaving in the sense of starting a new life somewhere else? Getting away from your parents can sometimes be incredibly healing!! Because it sounds to you as if the circumstances are a very tight corset in which you can't breathe. Sometimes becoming depressed is a natural reaction.

However, I would always give therapy a chance! Maybe it will give you the chance to find a way out and a way to leave your family behind. If this doesn't work you can ctb at every time.

 

[3/4Dead]

This is something I experienced a lot growing up. It's why I don't go to the hospital unless I literally think I'm about to die, and why I don't tell anyone when I've got something going on. Nobody cares until I'm in absolute crisis, and then once I'm fine again we go back to not caring. I think that nobody knows what to do and expend all their energy on throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks during times of crisis and then when you're well they really dont know what to do with you.

 

[divinemistress36]

I get this ! Unless Im in total crisis mode my parents ignore my depression and Ive just been laying around for years Everyone has their own problems to deal with and so it does feel we only really have ourselves to rely on

 

[fkyou]

This is something I experienced a lot growing up. It's why I don't go to the hospital unless I literally think I'm about to die, and why I don't tell anyone when I've got something going on. Nobody cares until I'm in absolute crisis, and then once I'm fine again we go back to not caring. I think that nobody knows what to do and expend all their energy on throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks during times of crisis and then when you're well they really dont know what to do with yo

I get this ! Unless Im in total crisis mode my parents ignore my depression and Ive just been laying around for years Everyone has their own problems to deal with and so ir does feel we only really have ourselves to rely on

I guess what I have to do is ignore these people and focus on what I want to do

 

[divinemistress36]

I guess what I have to do is ignore these people and focus on what I want to do

Yes, you come first

 

[fkyou]

Yes, you come first

Thank you..you know.. that's all I've been trying to tell myself

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

Nobody will ever help. I thought my lesson was to learn to ask for and accept help, but my dumbass should've learned by now that if you can't do everything yourself, you might as well be dead. I'm not worth anything once people can't use me. When I was happy I was delusional with false hope. I should've stuck to reality, which is the same as misery.

This basically sums up the reality of this world. It's a literal hell, and even when we have the ability to convey it perfectly well, we're sunned without merit. We break from the inside out trying to figure out if we have much to loose in giving ourselves to a certain hope out there while those who don't admit it or — worse — made it in this world were built to avoid the struggle we go through when we have no support that we breed a sense of false idealization until we give up, because what's there else of? And the signs are literally there, yet people still are jackasses even when we done and tried it all.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Why do people (family) only want to "help" when you're on your last straw? When nothing matters to you anymore than exiting the shithole they call your life?..when you have more to lose than gain from continuing living on shambles of traumatic memories?why did they only see us when we gave up and not when we were trying so hard

Wait hold on your family is willing to help you then? Mine doesn't care if I was on my first or last straw. Doesn't matter if I tried, gave up, etc... so you are luckier then me i guess.