Venting Why do people always say there are no warnings or signs?

[greyblue_bian]

I always hear this and at this point, it gets me so pissed. People have always said to me they could never tell and that I never gave any signs that I was suicidal or that I was going to try killing myself. Maybe they're subtle and I just brush off anyone questions sometimes when they ask, but literally every time before I've attempted I've isolated myself entirely, given up on everything I used to want to do and ended up venting and having emotional breakdowns in front of someone but then I guess they think I'm fine when a week or two passes by and they don't see me crying (?). They think because there is just a few days of me being fine that means I must be healed from everything and that I'm just fine and then people just stop. They stop checking in on you and then you have to reach out to be spoken to. They expect you to be fine and then if you bring up the fact that you are still hurt from what happened a little while ago, they think you're just being stupid and "holding onto things that don't serve you". I genuinely think that is such a joke. I can't just "let go" of what happened when it was literally abuse and that I've been constantly abused in all ways for my entire life. Even IF I was a more optimistic person, this abuse would have fucked me up and I would need still need some help in the long run. I only have like 1 person that will check in on me and actually listen to me and help me when I need it at this point. Everyone else just says "I'm sorry..." or gives me some pep talk like I should move on and let it go right now and act like it never happened.

Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.

 

[meltskelt]

I always hear this and at this point, it gets me so pissed. People have always said to me they could never tell and that I never gave any signs that I was suicidal or that I was going to try killing myself. Maybe they're subtle and I just brush off anyone questions sometimes when they ask, but literally every time before I've attempted I've isolated myself entirely, given up on everything I used to want to do and ended up venting and having emotional breakdowns in front of someone but then I guess they think I'm fine when a week or two passes by and they don't see me crying (?). They think because there is just a few days of me being fine that means I must be healed from everything and that I'm just fine and then people just stop. They stop checking in on you and then you have to reach out to be spoken to. They expect you to be fine and then if you bring up the fact that you are still hurt from what happened a little while ago, they think you're just being stupid and "holding onto things that don't serve you". I genuinely think that is such a joke. I can't just "let go" of what happened when it was literally abuse and that I've been constantly abused in all ways for my entire life. Even IF I was a more optimistic person, this abuse would have fucked me up and I would need still need some help in the long run. I only have like 1 person that will check in on me and actually listen to me and help me when I need it at this point. Everyone else just says "I'm sorry..." or gives me some pep talk like I should move on and let it go right now and act like it never happened.

Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.

People never believe that someone is capable of suicide, they always think you are just pretending or that somehow everything is just going to be fine. It sucks so much that no one actually cares about anyone enough to check on them more than just a couple of times here and there : - :

 

[failure383]

It doesn't matter what you say, you could say it out loud in clear and hard to misunderstand words and they still would find reasons why things aren't how you say. Ha, you could even have multiple unsuccessful suicide attempts, but even then people will find some cope their way, why you didn't mean it or you actually didn't really wanted to (even though you literally and figuratively had the noose around your neck) and why reality is of course completely different...in their favor.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

So they don't feel guilty themselves about missing signs/not doing anything to stop the person from ctb. It's like "selective amnesia". They don't want to feel like they missed something.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Different people reveal more than others with respect to what is to come.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I always hear this and at this point, it gets me so pissed. People have always said to me they could never tell and that I never gave any signs that I was suicidal or that I was going to try killing myself. Maybe they're subtle and I just brush off anyone questions sometimes when they ask, but literally every time before I've attempted I've isolated myself entirely, given up on everything I used to want to do and ended up venting and having emotional breakdowns in front of someone but then I guess they think I'm fine when a week or two passes by and they don't see me crying (?). They think because there is just a few days of me being fine that means I must be healed from everything and that I'm just fine and then people just stop. They stop checking in on you and then you have to reach out to be spoken to. They expect you to be fine and then if you bring up the fact that you are still hurt from what happened a little while ago, they think you're just being stupid and "holding onto things that don't serve you". I genuinely think that is such a joke. I can't just "let go" of what happened when it was literally abuse and that I've been constantly abused in all ways for my entire life. Even IF I was a more optimistic person, this abuse would have fucked me up and I would need still need some help in the long run. I only have like 1 person that will check in on me and actually listen to me and help me when I need it at this point. Everyone else just says "I'm sorry..." or gives me some pep talk like I should move on and let it go right now and act like it never happened.

Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.

Because people genuinely don't give a fuck. They care about themselves and that's it.

 

[dopaminenthusiast]

I always hear this and at this point, it gets me so pissed. People have always said to me they could never tell and that I never gave any signs that I was suicidal or that I was going to try killing myself. Maybe they're subtle and I just brush off anyone questions sometimes when they ask, but literally every time before I've attempted I've isolated myself entirely, given up on everything I used to want to do and ended up venting and having emotional breakdowns in front of someone but then I guess they think I'm fine when a week or two passes by and they don't see me crying (?). They think because there is just a few days of me being fine that means I must be healed from everything and that I'm just fine and then people just stop. They stop checking in on you and then you have to reach out to be spoken to. They expect you to be fine and then if you bring up the fact that you are still hurt from what happened a little while ago, they think you're just being stupid and "holding onto things that don't serve you". I genuinely think that is such a joke. I can't just "let go" of what happened when it was literally abuse and that I've been constantly abused in all ways for my entire life. Even IF I was a more optimistic person, this abuse would have fucked me up and I would need still need some help in the long run. I only have like 1 person that will check in on me and actually listen to me and help me when I need it at this point. Everyone else just says "I'm sorry..." or gives me some pep talk like I should move on and let it go right now and act like it never happened.

Sorry, this is a vent and something that has genuinely been bothering me for a very long time.

my mom always says this, and it's funny to me as a psychology student and as a suicidal person as well (ironic right?) because it can't be more false. people with any type of mental health issues are a fucking open book. you can always tell when someone isn't feeling right, you just have to pay attention. it's the same for people with suicidal ideations, they always give signs but again, you just have to care enough to pay attention to them, and i think that's the main problem, people don't care. my opinion on this is that we all live in a fucked up reality and somehow got used to suffer, so it is normal if someone feels sad or anxious right? when they start to get actually worried it's already too late

 

[rory0606]

Maybe a combination of suicidal people putting on a brave face around others and the fact that most other people are largely focused on their own lives.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think they're just trying to reassure themselves that there's nothing they could have done to help the person because, they didn't realise how bad things were.

Personally, I wouldn't actually want people to feel like they could have done more, so I'm not letting them know. It's not like they can help anyway.

But, I do agree with you. I think in some situations, it's obvious how bad things are.

Out of curiosity though- do you think other people really could 'save' you? What would they need to do to do that?

 

[permanently tired]

"How can you love someone you can't tell is dying." - You're Losing Me T.S.

 

[greyblue_bian]

I think they're just trying to reassure themselves that there's nothing they could have done to help the person because, they didn't realise how bad things were.

Personally, I wouldn't actually want people to feel like they could have done more, so I'm not letting them know. It's not like they can help anyway.

But, I do agree with you. I think in some situations, it's obvious how bad things are.

Out of curiosity though- do you think other people really could 'save' you? What would they need to do to do that?

I don't know. I don't think they could save me entirely but I know there are things that could at least help me feel better even if it's just for a bit. For example, about 4-5 months ago now I got out of a relationship that was really emotionally and mentally abusive and he was cheating. Just a few days ago, I had to ask him to stop posting about me on social media and he asked me if I was okay and I thought he wanted to talk and genuinely apologize for everything. He only used it as bait because he "needed a distraction" apparently. I don't think at this point it would save me, but I think it would help me to forgive him. That would help me to feel at ease with that. It won't fix what he's done but it would make things so much weight off my shoulders. Same goes for my family and friends I used to have and others who've sexually and mentally hurt me. I don't think I can do that anymore. Sorry, I'm rambling, but I just mean to say that I've never had anyone genuinely apologize to me and change their behavior. It only continues.

 

[diy-event]

Maybe a combination of suicidal people putting on a brave face around others and the fact that most other people are largely focused on their own lives.

Yes, I agree - it's rare that when someone says, 'So how are you?' that they really want to know.