Why do people change for the worse?

[slamjoetry]

I just don't understand it. Why do some people's personalities seem to get worse as time goes on? For example, my sweet, amazing grandma always complains to me about how my grandpa treats her. She says he used to be so nice. He would come to her workplace and help her wash dishes so she could finish up in time to make it to her second job. He would do anything for her. Now he's a miserable person who berates her constantly and talks to her like she's an idiot who doesn't understand anything. Me and the rest of the family have all seen it for ourselves how abusive he can be. Another example is my ex. When we first started dating, she was such a sweet person who flew across the whole country just to make sure I was okay when I was feeling depressed and suicidal. Two years later, towards the end of the relationship, she became extremely cold and emotionally distant, and told me that my suicidal ideation was just me trying to manipulate her. Both her and my grandpa also happen to have completely switched political sides, strangely. They both used to be diehard leftists, who were against racism, misogyny, etc. Now they're republican Trump supporters. What happened? What made them this way?

It's so confusing because I've always had the mindset that I should never stop trying to improve myself and become a better, kinder, and more open-minded person. And I thought everyone else had that mindset too. But it seems like there's a lot of people out there who have no desire to better themselves and are comfortable with becoming more bitter, angrier people. Or maybe they were always that way on the inside and just stopped hiding it? I don't know. I wish I understood. If anyone has any input or similar experiences to share, I'd really love to read it.

 

[_Maya]

I just don't understand it. Why do some people's personalities seem to get worse as time goes on? For example, my sweet, amazing grandma always complains to me about how my grandpa treats her. She says he used to be so nice. He would come to her workplace and help her wash dishes so she could finish up in time to make it to her second job. He would do anything for her. Now he's a miserable person who berates her constantly and talks to her like she's an idiot who doesn't understand anything. Me and the rest of the family have all seen it for ourselves how abusive he can be. Another example is my ex. When we first started dating, she was such a sweet person who flew across the whole country just to make sure I was okay when I was feeling depressed and suicidal. Two years later, towards the end of the relationship, she became extremely cold and emotionally distant, and told me that my suicidal ideation was just me trying to manipulate her. Both her and my grandpa also happen to have completely switched political sides, strangely. They both used to be diehard leftists, who were against racism, misogyny, etc. Now they're republican Trump supporters. What happened? What made them this way?

It's so confusing because I've always had the mindset that I should never stop trying to improve myself and become a better, kinder, and more open-minded person. And I thought everyone else had that mindset too. But it seems like there's a lot of people out there who have no desire to better themselves and are comfortable with becoming more bitter, angrier people. Or maybe they were always that way on the inside and just stopped hiding it? I don't know. I wish I understood. If anyone has any input or similar experiences to share, I'd really love to read it.

people change, sometimes, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
I used to be really optimistic about life when i was younger, i'd constantly tell myself "i'd never kill myself" but well, i guess i'm here now.
People's experiences can change them, whether it be a traumatic event, a bad break, or in my case a shitty life.
Sometimes, i feel like im going to break and i just want to yell and scream, hurt all those who have hurt me.
This isn't because I'm some villain who is a sadist, its because all my life i've been dealt with shitty people, shitty experiences, a shitty life. Whats the point of being kind to people if all i get from it is bullying and torment?
The reason why someone changes varies drastically person to person, but this is just my personal experience.

 

[identity0]

There are many reasons. One common reason is that we grow up being taught lies that life is good and gentle, but later we must adapt to be able to survive in a world that is unimaginably horrific, disappointing and hostile. I have become more selfish with time and compromised on my morals because it has been the only way for me to survive. A dog also bites unknown people if blind trust didnt work for it in the past; it learns self-defense. I become less kind toward my family because they treated me badly and i don't have the mental strength to expend on satisfying them.

 

[FoxSauce]

Could be major factors :

Past experiences (negative)
Just cuz
Money
Greed
Or for example being treated bad so you become bad?


To be honest I dunno why but I've seen it happen.

Or sometimes people become cold or mean to survive the harsh world we live in that is full of Greedy hypocritical people.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It depends really. There are some people- like narcissists who will 'love bomb' a person to begin with before turning on them. That's a smaller fraction of people though (I hope.)

I think often people can be the worst behaved towards their family. Maybe because they believe they'll stick around whatever so, they become complacent in the relationship.

I suppose with romantic relationships in particular, perhaps it's just the contrast. They'll maybe initially go to great lengths just to be around the person because it feels nicer than being alone. Even if it's just to watch TV together. Maybe after 5, 10 years of that though, they start to get bored. Plus, I suppose minor irritations start to become major.

I think I used to be kinder/ nicer. I think we can become pretty jaded with life and with people. If enough of them let you down, you can start to become quite closed off to protect yourself, cynical even. So, some of it is out of defense I think in a way. You can start to see that being kind to everyone has made you a target to just be used.

 

[yowai]

i had traumatic experiences while with my partner and that can change someones personality and maybe i was shit all along but infatuation made that go away for a little while
also being introduced to drugs and now i value them more than my partner lol

 

[LivingDeadTGirl]

It's easier to change for the worse, especially when you feel like you've been wronged time and time again, seemingly with no end. You see the world is evil so it doesn't matter if you're good or not and you stop caring who you take it out on, especially yourself. I'm starting to notice a lot of things we do is self harm, like isolating and pushing people away.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Traumatic experiences, unaddressed flaws and mental health issues, life circumstances, etc. Everyone changes for the worse in some capacity and during at least one point in their life. It's inevitable. We tend to assume that we will act, think, and feel the same way we do currently, which isn't true. Just because you currently have that mindset to improve yourself and become better doesn't mean that you'll have that same mindset in the future.