Venting Why does everyone keeps telling me to see a therapist?

[TinyGuy]

Everyone keeps telling me I should see a therapist when I feel like nobody can help me in this world I feel like everything is just pointless and I already decided to CTB sometime in the future how is a therapist gonna change my mind I also do not wanna talk to anyone irl about my depressions,suicidal thoughts doing SH etc.
I just dont get it do ppl think that a therapist will magically fix my brain in fact I think it will make it worse because I barely have energy to do the most simple tasks like buying food to feed myself when the store is super close and now I will have to think about going to a therapist.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

In my experience it's because they don't want to actually think deeper about your problems and would rather shove them off to someone who seems qualified to handle these types of issues. As much as I hate therapists I've found myself unable to resist the urge to suggest someone seek therapy even though I knew it might not actually help them because it just felt like the right thing to say.

Unfortunately therapists are human too and this margin of human error means they flat out can't actually solve most problems people are facing, they can only show you ways to cope with them but if you don't believe in any of them then you're gonna find it as helpful as an atheist in a church would.

 

[lost_ange1]

It's an option you have, professional help. Try it out and see how it affects you or if it can support you somehow. You won't lose nothing if you give it a try.
I think most people mean it as friendly advice with the intention to help you.

 

[FireFox]

Everyone keeps telling me I should see a therapist when I feel like nobody can help me in this world I feel like everything is just pointless and I already decided to CTB sometime in the future how is a therapist gonna change my mind I also do not wanna talk to anyone irl about my depressions,suicidal thoughts doing SH etc.
I just dont get it do ppl think that a therapist will magically fix my brain in fact I think it will make it worse because I barely have energy to do the most simple tasks like buying food to feed myself when the store is super close and now I will have to think about going to a therapist.

@TinyGuy Because non mentally ill people have never used the mental health system themselves so they believe it's easy to see a therapist and magically feel better after a few talking sessions.

 

[sos]

because regular people have not enough experience to help you other than with the words "youll be fine" (yes yes very effective)

therapist are also able to deal with continuously talking about depression & suicidal; where it might have a negative on the mood of regular ppl bc death isnt a fun topic to talk about

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I think therapy is a waste of time if you are really mentally ill. You have a better chance trying medication.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Because they want to believe that everything in life has a solution. They can't handle the thought that suffering can be so bad that a person just has to live a miserable life or kill themselves. Because this thought reminds them of how utterly meaningless life is. But they try to push that truth away. So they push therapy onto everyone to keep this idea that mental illness can always be cured.
I don't know. That's just from my personal experience. There are probably many other reasons. Like they just want to throw your problems to someone else so they don't have to deal with them, while keeping you alive so they don't have to grieve your death.

 

[leavingsoonx]

I'm doing it for show at this point. Keeping up appearances. Therapy didn't help me at all and in fact makes me worse in my attempts to CTB. They teach you stuff that never matters in real life. Maybe it will work for you if you've never tried it. Just more bullshit in my opinion to waste peoples time and money

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree with other members. Sadly, I think it's because they don't know how to respond to your problems. I think it can also get to a point where they no longer have the patience to deal with us so- they hope someone else will be able to 'fix' us and they'll get the person they once knew back.

I know what you mean though. I have no interest in talking to someone 'professional' because I'm not looking to have my views challenged. I've run out of energy to change or 'recover'.

My family tends to have the opposite bias towards therapy though. My Dad's more of the opinion that it's a weak thing to do- to need to air your problems. I don't agree with that. But yeah- to be honest- either approach isn't all that helpful when it's terribly foreceful. I think it's better when people come to decisions themselves.

 

[cazza82]

Everyone keeps telling me I should see a therapist when I feel like nobody can help me in this world I feel like everything is just pointless and I already decided to CTB sometime in the future how is a therapist gonna change my mind I also do not wanna talk to anyone irl about my depressions,suicidal thoughts doing SH etc.
I just dont get it do ppl think that a therapist will magically fix my brain in fact I think it will make it worse because I barely have energy to do the most simple tasks like buying food to feed myself when the store is super close and now I will have to think about going to a therapist.

Im
Seeing someone at the moment it's like my last resort but I feel like I can't tell her the full extent of how bad I'm suffering

 

[Steve Vermont]

Speaking as someone who has wanted to kill themselves for over fifty years but who is still here, speaking to a therapist can help you get through the rough parts.

Every morning, I wake up and come on this site. I think there's a better than 50% chance I will kill myself before two years are out. I am anxious, depressed, and apathetic. And I still see a therapist because it just helps me feel better as long as I'm sticking around here for another day.

No, a therapist will not magically cure things. Just like opioids won't get rid of cancer. They may make your life more bearable while you're here, however.

 

[cazza82]

I think therapy is a waste of time if you are really mentally ill. You have a better chance trying medication.

I decided to try it but I have everything ready to you know but I just can't I don't know what keeps stopping me

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Because therapy has replaced religion in the western society and people genuinely believe it's a good thing to say to someone who's suffering. Much like suggesting that someone go to to temple in the 19th century. There's an overfaith in these people and what they can do. Which usually isn't much that you can't do yourself.

 

[Steve Vermont]

My experience has been mixed. I have had three therapists. One just gave me drugs, and the wrong kind of drugs at that, but he was OK. The second was horrible. Just really fucked me over, mentally. Ethically, a piece of shit.

The third has been a lifesaver. They've given me the proper kinds of drugs and monitors my use of them. Just talking to them has helped me quite a bit.

Is it enough to keep me going another thirty some years? God knows.

I don't want to kill myself, but there are many, many times I feel I have no other option. Now that I'm old enough to have lived with this for fifty some years, I have some perspective on it. My goal is simply to NOT kill myself. To die a natural death. Therapy allows me to tack a few more days onto my life.

It certainly doesn't make the problem go away, however.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

In my experience it's because they don't want to actually think deeper about your problems and would rather shove them off to someone who seems qualified to handle these types of issues. As much as I hate therapists I've found myself unable to resist the urge to suggest someone seek therapy even though I knew it might not actually help them because it just felt like the right thing to say.

Unfortunately therapists are human too and this margin of human error means they flat out can't actually solve most problems people are facing, they can only show you ways to cope with them but if you don't believe in any of them then you're gonna find it as helpful as an atheist in a church would.

Exactly

 

[swankysoup]

It's an option you have, professional help. Try it out and see how it affects you or if it can support you somehow. You won't lose nothing if you give it a try.
I think most people mean it as friendly advice with the intention to help you.

True except that poor therapy can damage us further.

 

[Emeralds]

Most people who tell you to go to therapy mean well. They probably do want to help you, but they don't know how. They are assuming that the therapist will be able to help you or refer you to someone who will.

Therapy isn't a magical cure. It's just one tool that can help you. I've seen a trauma therapist and found her to be helpful. You have to be willing to work with them . You have to do a lot of the work yourself. They are only there to guide you.

 

[Gonk]

I am suprised I've read many threads of, simply people despising idea of seeing a threapist. I do get the frustration and sometimes, uselessness of it; but; in my humble opinion, it is fascinating to see and experience a conversation with someone who works differently.

So, no; I would like to tell you go and see, but not out of "you will find help" sense. Because, I enjoy talking with them. I am in a country, threapy is luxury, so I don't have many oppurtunities to experience it. But even with half, undone threaoy sessions, I enjoyed it. Way I do is, while trying to tell about myself, I try to understand what they are trying and what they are thinking. This is like making crude experiments about things you read about psychology. This attitude really results me seeing lots of different views, and also, unironicallly, results me seeing pros-cons of a threapy better.

Consider them intellectuals of different kind, that's why I don't consider money and time are wasted for threapy. But yeah, contrast to that, sometimes I go outside with someone I really wouldn't like to be with. Even though it is "everyone pays for themselves" I consider money I paid as a waste. Because I didn't want to spend the money and time the way I want.

Do you enjoy threapy? If you don't, it is a total waste. If you enjoy? Good however don't forget: Enjoyement is not equal to solutions. Therefore, when I advice someone to see a threapist, I do it sheer out of an advice like offering an unique drink, which might make you happy.

 

[ladidabi]

Because they don't want to take the responsibility they feel when they know you're not well. Been in therapy for a good while, and all 4 I've been through have not helped me clear my head any better. I just get confirmed that I'm fucked.

First one (two therapists in one room) couldn't deal with me, sent off to another clinic after 5 sessions. Case too severe, they claimed.

Second one ruined my life, made me lose my license and scolded me through sessions, eventually kicking me out her office due to "lack of cooperation" which was a result of me not wanting group therapy out of fear of losing face and sharing my problems with strangers. I live in a smaller town. I had requested individual therapy. Every session with her was anger on her side, and calling me a "difficult" person, and being reminded that I am a lonely alcoholic who lost contact with her family, and no friends. She has dirtied my documents with descriptions making me seem aggressive and difficult. I was at my lowest. Ended up multiple times to ER due to her overwhelming me. The day she kicked me out and ended it, she called me on the phone same day to apologize, sent me off to emergency clinic, been there for a year almost. This is after her boss told her she fucked up my case.

Third one in the emergency department at the psych got overwhelmed the first 15 minutes, and called for another one to accompany him due to how "bizarre" and "scary" I spoke. I was asked if I drugged myself before the appointment, but I was off alcohol for months before this appointment. I was instead coping with cutting and smoking. They both concluded the same appointment that I was "too much", and sent me off to a specialist.

Fourth, the specialist - Had her for most of 2024. She is just okay. Not helping, but rather there to agree me. I'm in an alternative program to STEPPS, which is all individual. I have enough brains to think for myself, so this method isn't clearing my mind any more than it was when I started. Right now we're going in circles.

I think therapy is a waste of time if you are really mentally ill. You have a better chance trying medication.

Better chance doesn't mean it results in anything well. Meds fry your brain even if they give the feeling that you're better. To be fair, at that point there is not much hope if you only need to go for using meds. I'm there myself right now. Only thing making me any more ok is now that things are better with my family, and my boyfriend who i live with. It didn't matter what and how much pills I swallowed, I was still miserable at the time. Just kind of proves that a person is nothing alone.

 

[motherofmahesh]

I feel you. I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years (wow that long?) and no one but the last one was able to help me at all. The one before her actually made things worse. I just don't care anymore. Personally I'm tired of people hurting me leaving me to clean up the mess, and because of the way the world works they go on to live just fine while I have to suffer.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I also hate when they tell you "You'll have to try multiple different therapists before finding the right one," and it's like, for what other profession do we do this? When you need surgery, do you have to cycle through a couple of surgeons first in order to find the "right one"? Do you go to the mechanic expecting that his ability to fix your car will be dependent on whether or not you guys happen to vibe well? The analogy isn't perfect but my point is that paid providers should be able to consistently provide a basic level of service across the board, and therapy/psychiatry fails at that.

 

[alienfreak]

You won't lose nothing if you give it a try.

Except a lot of money. And mental energy, picking open wounds that perhaps should be left alone to heal. And time

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Because therapy has replaced religion in the western society and people genuinely believe it's a good thing to say to someone who's suffering. Much like suggesting that someone go to to temple in the 19th century. There's an overfaith in these people and what they can do. Which usually isn't much that you can't do yourself.

This! I was going to comment at how therapy is basically the new "secular religion" but you already beat it to me. Saying "go to therapy" to somebody talking about their problems gives me the same vibes as somebody saying "thoughts and prayers" or "just repent to god and you'll be fine".

I also hate when they tell you "You'll have to try multiple different therapists before finding the right one," and it's like, for what other profession do we do this? When you need surgery, do you have to cycle through a couple of surgeons first in order to find the "right one"? Do you go to the mechanic expecting that his ability to fix your car will be dependent on whether or not you guys happen to vibe well? The analogy isn't perfect but my point is that paid providers should be able to consistently provide a basic level of service across the board, and therapy/psychiatry fails at that.

This is a r/therapyabuse quality level of a response and I love it! Not to mention that if a therapist fails at their job, the only response that people get is "therapists are just human!" and you even have people blaming the client for the therapy not working. If a car mechanic were to fail to repair a car, I bet they'd just get fired immediately and they would be the one to get all the blame

 

[FireFox]

I also hate when they tell you "You'll have to try multiple different therapists before finding the right one," and it's like, for what other profession do we do this? When you need surgery, do you have to cycle through a couple of surgeons first in order to find the "right one"? Do you go to the mechanic expecting that his ability to fix your car will be dependent on whether or not you guys happen to vibe well? The analogy isn't perfect but my point is that paid providers should be able to consistently provide a basic level of service across the board, and therapy/psychiatry fails at that.

@Alexei_Kirillov Exactly this shows how society doesn't take seriously mental health. This is how we end up with poor quality therapists and inaccessible mental health systems whether public or private.

Except a lot of money. And mental energy, picking open wounds that perhaps should be left alone to heal. And time

@alienfreak I wanted to try betterhelp but it's so expensive. The cost of BetterHelp in the UK varies by plan and ranges from about £52 to £80 per week.

Except a lot of money. And mental energy, picking open wounds that perhaps should be left alone to heal. And time

@alienfreak I wanted to try betterhelp but it's so expensive. The cost of BetterHelp in the UK varies by plan and ranges from about £52 to £80 per week.

 

[TAW122]

I think @Dr Iron Arc is on point that people don't really know how to respond, yet want to appear "helpful" so they feel like it's the right thing (socially) to say while also not wanting to deal with anothers' issues. I do believe that if more people knew about the inefficacy of psychotherapy and even psychiatric drugs (another topic and point altogether), that some problems are just unsolvable that beyond coping and suffering, that sometimes death may be an option. Being a pro-choicer I do believe in the right to choose between continued sentience (and all the suffering that comes with it) versus ending it on one's own terms (the cessation of all suffering and anything that follows).

As for what @Forever Sleep said, it's true that forced help or nothing at all isn't helpful. I do think that if there was psychotherapy, but was completely voluntary and isn't heavily promoted or pushed onto people unsolicited (only when people actually WANT it), it would ACTUALLY be therapeutic for the individual. There is no good (long term) outcome for those who are compelled to seek help under the threat of harm and consequence (financial, social, legal, and/or civil, etc.).

I do agree with many posters in this thread that generally therapy is not that useful for certain things. It certain does have it's place (especially for people that WANT it and/or looking to cope or vent), but it is really expensive and overrated. While I myself have had experience with it throughout most of my life, even the ones that were free when I was in university (many years ago), I would still claim that at best, I didn't get any better or come out much happier or more satisfied, but rather felt like I dumped a lot of my worries into a void that returned nothing meaningful for me. At worst, I was on the receiving end of some probing questions and even 'threat assessments' due to some of the things I asked or said, even though I had no plans, no means, nor intent to act on certain thoughts. Nevertheless, it didn't matter and I was treated like some would be criminal or even 2nd class citizen. Anyways, I digress, but back to the main point. I would say that most people probably don't know how (and even quite a bit don't want the burden) to help others and also the ignorant and naive belief that psychotherapy must be the answer to (nearly) ALL problems.

 

[x22]

Therapy is a really wonderful tool in my experience with it + being around others in therapy. The catch is that you have to be patient enough to break the walls down gradually and your problems have to be purely thought-based, not situational or even psychiatric. People see therapy as a kind of snake oil even though its actual usefulness is very limited.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I also hate when they tell you "You'll have to try multiple different therapists before finding the right one," and it's like, for what other profession do we do this? When you need surgery, do you have to cycle through a couple of surgeons first in order to find the "right one"? Do you go to the mechanic expecting that his ability to fix your car will be dependent on whether or not you guys happen to vibe well? The analogy isn't perfect but my point is that paid providers should be able to consistently provide a basic level of service across the board, and therapy/psychiatry fails at that.

I remember reading about someone who said they had tried out around 8 different therapists before finding the right one and it made me sad. Of course I was glad to see they eventually found the right fit for them but how many people have their level of resilience to continue trying all these different therapists? I would have given up fairly early.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Unfortunately, we are living a time when community and receiving help and support by your peers was replaced with "go to therapy".

I remember a time when therapy was for people with serious mental conditions that were the root cause of them being unwell - e.g. psychosis. If you were depressed, the advice back them was to speak with friends, family, so they could comfort you and have the power to influence your living circumstances so you could feel better.

I think a lot of people's problems are caused by external factors, not a standalone issue with the mind.

The psychologist became the new version of talking with a best friend that cares about you. Except a relationship with a psychologist is one sided, motivated by monetary gain and only exists for the duration of the session.

I do think a psychologist may help you in these circumstances:
- You are not very introspective and need someone to help you figure out the root of your problems
- You feel unstable and a psychologist can teach you techniques and give you insight on what triggers you and how to counteract it in a healthy way
- You feel the need to talk about things you can't with anyone else and yearn to be understood
- You know your problems are caused by external sources but want someone else to brainstorm with you ideas on how to fix those problems
- You have a mental problem that is affecting you deeply but your life circumstances are good

I have been in therapy for a very, very long time...to the point of seeing my psychologist age with the years. My life circumstances were horrible and there was nothing he could do about them but, as a late teen and young adult, he provided me with insight on how to navigate my specific life circumstances. He also motivated me to reach my goals, he praised me, he was the father I wanted to have had.

This caused me to get to where I am, he did impact my life deeply, in the end I saw him as my friend because after so many years...how could I not?

Now, the issue I have is that I ended that therapy and I miss him. It feels like he is dead as contact ended. This is the problem with lack of community. If instead of a psychologist he was a friend, our relationship would be strong and I'd have someone to cherish forever.

I truly believe society is missing community, we are too individualised and too egotistical. We should care more deeply about others. This is pushing society into deep loneliness.

 

[isolatedl111]

Everyone keeps telling me I should see a therapist when I feel like nobody can help me in this world I feel like everything is just pointless and I already decided to CTB sometime in the future how is a therapist gonna change my mind I also do not wanna talk to anyone irl about my depressions,suicidal thoughts doing SH etc.
I just dont get it do ppl think that a therapist will magically fix my brain in fact I think it will make it worse because I barely have energy to do the most simple tasks like buying food to feed myself when the store is super close and now I will have to think about going to a therapist.

I've talked to a psychologist for 3 months and it helped me with exactly nothing. I take meds now, risperidone and valproate